Somewhere In Between

Here and there. Then and now. Either - or. Before or after. Somewhere in between. I feel like I am somewhere in between. It isn’t a bad place to be. It is just an “up in the air” place to be. I am continuing to plug away at this new lifestyle. Things are going well. The “in between” has to do with sizes and weights and foods and feelings, etc.

I can’t wear my big pants because they tend to fall off as I walk down the hall. That is NOT a good thing! My old next size down reserve pants fit. They aren’t as comfortable as my big pants used to be, yet. I need to loose just a few more pounds to make them comfortable in all positions (standing, sitting, bending, etc.). They are comfortable enough in all of these positions to wear them though. My old shirts are big and baggy. My new next size down and old next size down reserve shirts are just not as comfortable as my old big baggy shirts. The old shirts look a little sloppy, but the next size down feels too restraining in certain areas. I like to have room to “spare” in my shirts; especially around the belly. Why is the belly always the last place to reduce? I certainly don’t remember it being the last place to enlarge!

Last week I gained 4 pounds. My dietician tells me it was probably fluids. Well, I believe she is right. She said I would have had to take in 14,000 MORE calories in the week to have put on 4 pounds of fat. That is absolutely impossible for me to do. So this week I got on the scale and I lost 3 pounds. Now that is more like it!! The only thing is; I have to recognize the 3 pounds are probably that stupid fluid that I had last week. So we are almost back to square one. I have lost 41 pounds since June 21st and 26 of those since surgery 6 weeks ago. This week has been tough for exercising. The YMCA has been closed so I haven’t been able to go for water aerobics. I tried to walk, but my feet hurt severely after the 1st day. It is hard to be motivated when you hurt. Then of course there are the working hours. It is hard to get off work at 2:30am and up at noon and be motivated to exercise. Yesterday (Saturday) was my last day of the power shift. I will now work 2:30p-10:30p every day. So it will be very conducive to my exercise program. I am excited to get back on track and get some progress going.

I am “in between” when it comes to food. I am in between larger portions most days and smaller ones other days. I am really relying on listening to my body and not my head. Last week I ate by my head. I knew I was up to about ½ a cup of food at a time. When I took 2 bites of egg and felt a full sensation I “knew” I hadn’t had enough food so I continued to eat. The pain I was in was the symptoms of overeating according to Jennifer my dietician and Ronda the program director at IWLS in Junction City. I never want to feel that again!!! I’m sure I will, but I will try my hardest to stay “in between” satisfied and full. Today I ate eggs again for the 1st time since last week’s episode. I have eaten eggs since puree phase and had no problems. Well, I had some ill effect this morning, but nothing close to last week. So I am going to assume my pouch is having issues with eggs right now. My handbook material tells me to not eat it for a week or so and try again, so that is the plan.

I found I am “in between” when it comes to types of food. I am taking in enough protein most days and so I can have some “other” foods. I also want to start eating more solid food (soft) instead of pureed. Dad grilled hamburgers the other day. I decided I did not want to puree a grilled hamburger, so I ate it as was. It was a little dry as can be anticipated for grilled. I put a little ketchup, horseradish mustard and a dollop of lite ranch dressing on it. I chewed and chewed and chewed to puree consistency. Oh, was it ever so good!!!!!!!! I had no problems. I was able to eat 1 ½ oz of hamburger with some green beans. So I do get a variety of flavors, textures and foods.

I have also found some of the things that used to tempt me to eat, don’t anymore. Yes, they look good, but I have no desire to even taste it. I’m sure with time this will change, but at least I enjoy this “in between” time. I am taking advantage of it to establish a habit of reasoning with “to eat or not to eat”.

I am also “in between” when it comes to feelings. Not just emotional feelings, but physical feelings. Some days I have more energy than I have had in years. Other days I am tired beyond belief. I think a lot of this may be the helter skelter of my working hours. I hope all this will even out as I get to a straight schedule starting tomorrow. Yes, I still have a day here and there of working until 2:30am, but those are rare overtime days. I also think my energy will increase as I get back into the routine of exercise.

Well, I hope your days are well rounded and not in between days. Keep conscious of your body’s cues. They will probably more than likely be more reliable than your head’s assessments. “Between” now and our next time, keep a smile on your face, your body fueled healthfully and your spirit light!


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