Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Twist of the Lens

This week one of the ladies from my aqua-cising class had a brunch in my honor. They were celebrating me reaching my 1st big goal I set since surgery. Although I haven’t really made it yet, they figured it was close enough. I talked about giving myself a “day at the spa” when I reached less than 200 pounds. Well, one of the ladies decided the class should celebrate. They all have been very supportive of me since I told them I was having the surgery. They have asked a million questions. They have taken some of my tips and knowledge and used it in their own diets. They sent me cards and called me when I was just home from the hospital and until I made it back to class. They ask every Monday what I did for my weigh in. I weigh every Saturday morning and they know it. It is always the 1st question they ask when class begins on Monday at 8am. So this one lady decided she was going to host a brunch in my honor. She invited everyone from the class. There are 12-14 of us regulars. 10 of us showed up for the brunch. There were 11 of us in class that morning. One who did make it to class but couldn’t make it to the brunch left a card for me at this lady’s house and another that was sick called her and asked that she give me her congratulations. She made a very nice spread! She had a fruit tray with kiwi, strawberries, apples and grapes. She had carrots and celery. She made a breakfast dish that was whole wheat bread with Velveeta cheese and sliced cherry tomatoes on it and she placed it under the broiler to heat/crisp. It was very good. She made a diabetic bar that had no sugar in it. It was DELICIOUS! I got the recipe and plan to make it. She had 2 other desserts that I did not try because they were made with sugar. It was an enjoyable hour and half we spent eating and talking. All these women are old enough to be my mother, but they are so sweet and so involved in my support system. I appreciated each one of them. They make this journey fun because they spur me on and keep me honest and on track.

This week I was driving down the road running errands. I hadn’t eaten and was feeling a little hunger edging on. Before surgery (BS) I would have pulled into McDonald’s and ordered me a cheeseburger and fries. I thought about it and thought, “DeAnn, is it something you really want?” I thought, no, it really isn’t. “Well, is there something you would rather have like Quiznos, Taco Bell, Wendy’s, Spangles or Sonic?” I thought, no, not really. So I went on about my errands and waited until I got home and fixed me something healthy (protein and vegetables). When I finally stopped and thought about what I had done I had to smile. The lifestyle changes have seeped over into my thought process too! This week mom said she was making a baked potato for her and dad to go along with the meat for lunch. She asked if I wanted one also. I said, “No, I think I will just have 2 cups of salad instead.” Wow! It sure feels good to be on track and not feel deprived. You have to understand, BS, I would have jumped on the baked potato with butter and sour cream. Yes, I still have that, but not often. Healthy choices!

It has been 8 months since surgery. It doesn’t seem possible. I have been losing weight for 9 months (semi-liquid started June 21st). I had lost 11 pounds before surgery ever took place. I have lost 92 pound in the last 9 months. I decided to go through my closet and pull clothes. I wore a pair of pants Friday night that were W-A-Y too big, so I decided it was the last time for them. I realized there were about 3 pair of pants I wore to work this week that were very big on me too. So I went through everything in the closet. The way too big pants I wore were 26W (which was smaller than I wore BS). I put on a pair of pants that were 24W and they were still too big for me. So I am unsure what I actually wear that actually fit. I have given up some 3X pants and am down to 1X in some pants and 2X in others. Since the time of surgery I have reduced my pant waist size by 6”. My shirts were 4X-5X depending on the style. I am now wearing 1X-2X. Earlier in the week I wore a shirt that was button up the front. One of my co-workers asked the next day if I had worn a button up shirt. I said I did. She said she had never seen me in a button up shirt. I said, “Yea, it’s been at least 20 years since I was able to wear one and look good in it.” Some progress is being noted. I cleaned out 4 boxes of clothes that no longer fit. I have the next size down and I hope it will last me until July. I tend to wear them beyond the “fit” stage. I have to feel frustrated with them to go to the next size down.

My new goal once I make the199 pound goal is to lose 60 more pounds. I know it will be a real challenge. The weight loss has slowed down and I have actually gained 4 times since surgery. So I will need to really watch myself, my food, my exercise, etc. The first time I gained we figured it was water gain. The other 3 I am sure is because of my food choices. As I get more comfortable with myself, my eating, etc. I find I am becoming a little more lax. That is something I will need to stay on top of. I also have been eating a lot more fruit, which is good for me, but it also has a lot of sugar to it. I need to find some high protein/low calorie foods to substitute for the fruit. I have to admit the kiwi, oranges, cantaloupe, apples, bananas and strawberries have been fantastic! I have found I really love frozen grapes, pineapple and peaches. All of them I have been eating in alignment with the Walk Kansas challenge I am doing. They want me to eat 5 fruits and vegetables a day. I have been eating at least 7-8 a day; probably more snacks than I need. Therefore I must get back on top and watch myself.

Next week I start a new schedule at work and I will have to revamp my eating style and times. I want to get started on the right foot and not get into some bad habits. So this week I will be taking some time to plan my meals for next week. I know this means taking a conscious note of what I am eating, how often I am eating and why I am eating. I hope my dietician through Innovative Weight Loss Solutions will be able to help me come up with some good menus. Just some good food combination suggestions and I can tweak them for myself. I am open to trying new things. Actually this week I made black eyed peas for dad and me. I have never had them. It was actually good. I put a little too much spice in it for me, but that can be adjusted.

Mac Anderson said, Life “is like looking through the lens of a camera. At first it seems a little "fuzzy" but one small twist of the lens can make it crystal clear.” I want to get my goals back in focus and lose this weight and feel healthier. I hope your camera lens is focused on what is most important to you.

Thought: Captain Kirk, Star Ship Enterprise introduced the human race to cell phones.
AKA Star Trek Communicator Device

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Borrowed words of wisdom

This week I am going to borrow an article from a weekly email I get from an excellent life coach. She wasn’t specifically talking about weight loss but I feel the concepts in this article are very pertinent to weight loss as well as living a goal focused life and a new lifestyle.

This week has been a week of challenge for me. I have had to step back and refocus often this week. I have had to re-assess my dreams, desires and wishes in regards to weight loss, time tables, eating habits, ultimate weight goals and beyond reaching them. This doesn’t just encompass my food intake, exercise routines or weight itself. This encompasses every avenue of my life. This touches how I treat others, how I relate to my friends and family and how I accept myself and my downfalls and successes. That is why I think this article is so good for me and hopefully you will be able to pull something out of it too.

You will look for the title below: This Week's Topic: There is a way! 5 steps to work around an obstacle. It is about middle of the page. The author of this article allows it to be used as long as you forward the entire email. I found encouragement from this article. It reinforced the need to look deep inside; it wouldn’t be easy or quick. It is a matter of finding the way when there seems to be no way. Weight loss surgery was exactly that for me. It was the way, but I had to accept what it entailed. It is a life long journey not a quick fix. It is hard work, not the “easy way out”. It is mental, emotional and physical. Just like many things in life that are worth the price.

I also found some encouragement this week from others. I saw a gal in a store who hadn’t seen me since before surgery. She said, “WOW! You have a glow I haven’t seen in years.” She had heard I had a procedure and was doing well. I told her I haven’t had this glow for at least 20 years. I have been in pain at least that long and for the first time I have virtually no pain and I have so much energy and it feels good.

I hope this article will encourage you this week. Until next week, I wish you the best in your forward motion in life.

Join my network of friends on Myspace at

This Week's Topic: There is a way! 5 steps to work around an obstacle

Dear Friend,

In what area of your life do you feel like you've hit a road block and it is discouraging you? Perhaps it is in your work or finances, in a relationship or responsibility, your health or a weight loss challenge. Whether personally or professionally, we all face points on our path where the answers don't come soon enough. It is during these times when you must tap into a spirit of determination. If you don't, you may see your dreams wash away.

This type of determination is epitomized by a group of friends trying to help their paralyzed friend in the New Testament:

"Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." - Luke 5:17 - 19

"...He [Jesus]" said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God." - Luke 5:24-25

These men didn't see the crowds surrounding the house as a road block. They knew their answer was inside, but they also knew they would not be able to access their answer the quick and easy way. It looked like there was no way in, but they determined to find a way!

This week, I challenge you to get determined. In our fast-paced culture, could it be that we have become so used to getting what we want quickly and easily that the virtues of determination, patience and perseverance have suffered? Authentic confidence says, "I may not know how to get it right now, but there is a way, and I am determined to find it." You may have to work harder than you thought. You may have to be creative. You may have to step outside of your comfort zone and do it differently than everyone around you. But when it comes to your destiny, there is always a way to work around the obstacles. In fact, the obstacles are often there so that you can develop the character traits you need to succeed in the next phase of your life.

Consider this five-step process to working around the perceived obstacles in your life:

1. Make a decision to find a way.
Determination begins with a decision to succeed, whatever it takes. Set your intention to succeed. Commit to it fully. Be confident. Get clear about what it is that you want or need, and focus keenly on it. The people in the scripture above wanted healing for their friend - and they made a decision to do whatever it took to get it. Get clear about what you are aiming for, then refuse to allow distractions to steal your focus. What is the real goal you need to be focused on?

2. Manage your expectations.
Don't expect success to come "fast and easy." It is possible that your answer may come quickly and easily, but don't count on it. More often than not, success comes when you persevere, persist and work at it over time. Be prepared for the long haul.

3. Stop focusing on the obstacle and start looking for an opportunity.
The men with the paralyzed friend weren't focused on the crowds swarmed around the house. They didn't try to push their way through. They realized that their real problem was not the crowd. The real problem was that their friend needed to be healed and a miracle healer was inside, if they could just get to Him. Seeing that the traditional way of getting into the house would not work, they focused on finding another way. When it comes to overcoming the obstacle to achieve your goal, what options haven't you considered? Write them all down. If you have trouble identifying options, brainstorm with a wise and trusted friend, pray and listen for options that are different from what you've previously considered.

4. Be creative.
When it looks like there is no opportunity, create one. Research your options. Be willing to fail. Blaze a trail if necessary. There is a way!

5. Do what you have to do.
Be willing to do the thing that's hard. Anything truly worth having is worth working for. Being determined means doing what you have to do. Complaining won't change things. Feeling sorry for yourself won't either. Dig your heels in and be determined! On the other side of your obstacle, your prize awaits you.

My challenge to you this week:
Make a decision to find a way! Then take each of these five steps towards your goal.

Journaling assignment:
What is your true goal? What is your biggest obstacle to achieving your true goal? At the core of the matter, why is this keeping you from your goal? What alternatives would get you to your goal? If you can't think of any, who could help you brainstorm?

Lastly, by working around this obstacle, what character trait do you think God is trying to help you develop?Until next time ...Warm wishes,

P.S. Encourage your friends and family by sharing this newsletter and invite others to subscribe!

Just send them to, where they can enter their email address on the home page.

Valorie Burton, a life coach and speaker, is the author of Listen to Your Life, Rich Minds, Rich Rewards, What's Really Holding You Back?, Why Not You? and her latest, How Did I Get So Busy? The 28-Day Plan to Free Your Time, Reclaim Your Schedule and Reconnect with What Matters Most. Subscribe to her FREE, inspirational e-newsletter at

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The Rich Minds, Rich Rewards E-Newsletter is written and distributed by Inspire, Inc. Copyright (c) 2008 Valorie Burton. All rights reserved.

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“Every Life Full of Giggles Makes the Age Lines Fall Off"
~Marilyn Meberg~

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Beep, beep, beep

These last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling like a trash truck backing up. As it reverses it makes a sound to warn you that it is moving in the “wrong” direction. I had 2 weeks of gains. I gained 3 pounds in those 2 weeks. I was not sure why, but I knew something had to be wrong. So I took some time and got honest with myself and looked at my intake and output. I was exercising as usual, but I had definitely picked up some eating habits and food choices I needed to put back in line. So I spent this last week being very diligent and deliberant when choosing my meals, snacks, etc. I was careful about when I ate, how often I ate and what I ate. I reassessed my output to see if it was possible to go to another level of movement. My exercise “program” is very well mapped, so I knew I had to do something to shift into a higher gear. So I upped the intensity of my water exercising. I talked with Hope and readjusted by upping the weight with my strength training. I have now added my playground routine to my weekly program on Saturday.

My playground routine encompasses working on the upper arms, thighs and abdomens. I walked to the school playground a block and a half away. I went to the slide for my thigh work. It is a step up routine. It worked well except for the school has mulch as the floor base. That is wonderful for the kids as they fall off the slide, but not so good for me who is balance challenged. I then went to the monkey bars. I know it will be hard for many of you to imagine, but I was wicked on the monkey bars as a 5th grader. Well, 25 years ago when I developed Mixed Connective Tissue Disorder I no longer had the strength in my hands to hold my weight. I discovered this at a water park on top of a T-A-L-L tower with a bar attacked to a line that ran slanting down. You are suppose to step off the tower, slide down the line and ½ way down let go and drop in the water. Well, I stepped off the tower and within a few inches couldn’t hold on and dropped. It was a long way down and a long swim to the side. Much to my disappointment, my hands do not hold my lighter weight any better today. So the monkey bar routine was eliminated. Then I moved to the love of my childhood—swings. This is the one that will work the abs. I had some difficulty with my hands while pumping, but managed to work it well enough to feel the burn in the abs. This is good because the abs is my main focus at this point. So I pumped for about 15 minutes. I then walked around the school. As I got to the front of the school I zeroed in on some steps. I walked up to them and discovered the height was good and the ground was solid. Therefore I found the replacement for the side and its mulch foundation. I don’t have to look like a drunken sailor while I work on my thighs. I will have to think of something else for the upper arms. Maybe I can use the ankle/wrist weights Laura gave me for Christmas. I walked around the school twice (about a mile). It sure felt good.

As much as exercising feels good I still have times I don’t feel like exercising. I remind myself of all the health and emotional benefits I will experience. However, let’s face it, that doesn’t always work or we would always exercise. So what is the solution you ask? I get naked and jump up and down in front of my full-length mirror. That little trick always seems to get me moving. Not really! I do think through where I have been and where I want to go. It seems to be motivation enough to get me out the door, in the car and to the YMCA for another session of endorphin stimulation. A little muscle burn and heavy breathing go a long way to feeling healthy.

This week I started the Walk across Kansas challenge. There are 6 of us in dispatch as a team. It links good eating with movement. It challenges each member to move more. It takes 2 hours and 30 minutes a week to make it across Kansas in 8 weeks. It challenges you to eat 5 cups of fruits and vegetables a day. Well, eating has never been a challenge for me, but eating fruits and vegetables instead of “convenient junk” has been. I have found some vegetables I used to never eat are actually fairly good. I have had no problem getting 5 cups of fruit and vegetables in. A couple of days I got more than the 5 cups. Now, bear in mind my special situation with also needing 60-70 grams of protein a day because of my surgery. Top it with a much smaller stomach than normal and you will see it can be a challenge. I certainly have found I enjoy some of these fruits and vegetable more than I used to enjoy candy. Sweet bell peppers are the biggest example. I eat one a day and thoroughly enjoy it! Anyway, I have been doing very well with this challenge and I am glad I got involved. Now there are a few members of my team and a few members of a competing team I know who have a vivid creativity level of what can be considered fruit and vegetables. Last I knew spinach and avocado dip, salsa with cheese for nachos, cheeseburger potato soup and pumpkin bars do not constitute vegetables or fruit. As you can see, being healthy can be fun. Create a support network and go for it. If I hadn’t had gastric bypass surgery I doubt I would have ever gotten involved in this challenge or the Route 66 challenge I’ve talked about in prior posts. I am in Oklahoma with that challenge.

I once again want to take this space to thank those of you that have been such a great support to me. Your encouragement, comments, challenges and prayers are much appreciated. You will never know what that comment, notice, prayer or smile mean to me and my progress. I don’t always see the progress. I was asked today in my Bible study group, who by the way is very important to me in many avenues of my life. The friendships I have developed and the closeness we are gaining have been such a comfort to me daily. Anyway, I was asked what I see when I look in the mirror. I said I rarely look in the mirror. It has never been a big draw to me and still isn’t. I guess the things that influence my acknowledgement of the changes are when I look at my hands, my arms, my knees and when I look down and can actually see my feet. When I fold my arms and it isn’t strained. When I reach to scratch my back and can reach an area I forgot existed. All of those things are the things I use to measure. So it feels good when someone lets me know there is a noticeable difference. So thank you all for your support and encouragement, even when you don’t realize you have given, you give abundantly.

By the way, I lost 3 ½ pounds this week and I am just a few pounds from that “day at the spa”. Massage, manicure, pedicure and possible facial-----here I come!!!

Beep, beep beep, watch out world I’m shifting gears!

Breaking a habit starts with courage,
ends with discipline,
and is fueled by desire.
~Mac Anderson~

Sunday, March 8, 2009

How do you eat an elephant?

A new lifestyle includes so many facets of our being. I started this journey centered on losing weight in order to improve my health. I saw the only option was gastric bypass surgery. I had tried so many different diets, supplements, fads, programs, techniques, etc. You name it and I probably tried it. I continued to see not just the weight pile on and the scale rising higher, but I saw the co-morbidity numbers increase. At one time I counted 17 different things I could contribute to my weight. So I set out to have surgery. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I knew it was my last option. My first thoughts when researching the procedure were “How can I possibly think I can eat just a cup of food?” “No one can live on a cup of food.” “A cup of food isn’t even enough for a bird.” “How can I give up that?” “I love that and there is no way I could never eat it again.” “How am I going to have Thanksgiving?” “A stomach the size of a walnut? No way!” “I’ll starve!”

It's not all about weight. It is also about emotions and thoughts. I have been an emotional eater for as long as I can recall. Just because I had weight loss surgery doesn’t make that go away. I am finding that out more and more the farther out from my surgery date I get. As I settle into this new lifestyle and being able to read the signals of my body, I find I also get more lax about what I eat and how often. The part of the equation I haven’t had any problem with is the amount I eat. I am very tuned into my body’s signal that I am full and I am able to stop. Now to get myself tuned into the emotional side and eat just when I am actually hungry. In the last few weeks I have seen the old habits of eating “just because” (boredom, loneliness, sad, happy, etc.) sneak back up on me. I have seen some foods that are “comfort foods” for me sneak back into my diet, just in a slightly different form. Instead of Ding Dongs, Suzy Q ' s, ice cream, Frosty’s, French fries, Big Mac’s, Snickers, $100,000 bars, Dark Milky Way’s etc. I am eating sugar free cookies, sugar free candy, crackers, etc. Yes, a better choice, but still with calories. They are okay when used as an occasional treat. I have been trying to be more conscious and keep tabs of how often I eat them---too often! I am glad spring is on the horizon and fresh fruits and vegetables will soon be here. I hate spending .89 cents for a cucumber. I hope to be able to grow some of my own this year (actually dad is the gardener). I would like to be able to take vegetables to “munch” on. I have found I do much better if I plan a snack in the late afternoon. I know I can do this! I need to get focused again.

Sacrifice, Discipline and Patience is what it will take. A lot of prayer too. I have done well in the exercise arena. I am exercising more than I ever have and actually enjoying it. I am now part of a team of 6 people from work. We are all dispatchers and we are calling ourselves the “Street Walkers”. We have joined the K-State Extension Office and the City of Salina and we are going to “Walk Across Kansas”. It is 243 miles. They say if you do 2 ½ hours of exercise a week you will walk across Kansas in 8 weeks. They give you 1 mile for every 15 minutes of activity. This program also tracks the amount of fruits and vegetables you eat. It encourages you to eat whole grains. It is a means to help you get into a healthy lifestyle. It has been neat to listen to a couple of the gals on our team talk about the foods they eat. It has been fun to watch them change their snack foods to work this program. They are finding foods they never realized they liked. We officially started the program today (March 8th). I hope it will inspire them to continue the “trend”. I also hope it will inspire me to get back on track!

So, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Remember, you don’t change behaviors overnight, so keep trying.

A key factor in happiness? Reaching out to people.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Plod = Work slowly but steadily

Last week I talked about being sick and not exercising at all. Well, this week I got back in the swing of it. I have lately wished to have the same desire in exercise as I used to have for craving sweets and salty things. Well, I think after last week and no exercise I finally am there. I craved the water and the exercising so very much. I was up and ready to go on Monday at 7am.

This week I have been reading a book written by a gastric bypass patient. As I read I chuckled at some of the things being written. I remember them all too well. I remember the desire I had in the beginning of recovery. I wasn't hungry but wanted a different texture in my mouth. Something beside protein drinks/shakes. I wanted a different taste. I wanted something besides, vanilla, chocolate or strawberry. Something besides sweet; like eggs, tuna, hamburger. This week I have also been craving the same thing. I wanted something full of flavor and not blah. I wanted something easy to make and easy to take and easy to eat. I guess it is the 1st time I’ve really had any desire or “opinion” on food intake. I will have to keep tabs on this to make sure I do not overeat and eat the wrong things. I’ve been wise with my decisions so far. Maybe life is getting a little more back to “normal”. Now to readjust my prior normal to my new lifestyle normal.

As I was walking around Wal-Mart this week and at the YMCA I realized something. I looked down and realized, “I have feet!” I forgot I had them because I didn’t used to be able to see them under my belly. I had a friend over to the house and I was wearing shorts. He said, “DeAnn, I don’t think I have ever seen your knees.” I laughed and said, “Yeah, it’s been many years since my knees had an outline.” I had noticed that a couple weeks ago when I was talking to someone else. One of my other friends made mention of my hands and how they look smaller. It is things we don’t think about and just take for granted most of the time.

I guess this week has been a week of revelations. In a sense it has been a week to look at blessings. Some are very small, but they are blessings all the same. I must be grateful for even the small stuff. As the saying goes, someday I may wake up and realize the small stuff, wasn’t.

I went to the mall to look for an item. One store was on the south end of the mall and of course the other store I wanted to go to was on the north end. Well, in the past I would have gone to the south end store, gone out to my car and driven to the north end. Well, this time I walked out of the south end store, looked down to the north end and said to myself, “Just do it.” I walked to the north end store and then back. It sure felt good to know I had the ability and the desire to walk it. Once again it is the small steps towards the big goal we have to look at and appreciate.

I also started a new “movement” program. It is called Route 66. I am “driving” the famous Route 66. Every minute of movement (exercise) counts as a mile on the famous Route 66. I started in Chicago on Monday and have made it to Missouri. The ending destination is Santa Monica, CA. I have recruited a few people to “drive” the route with me. Monday (9th) I will start another program. We have gathered a team of 6 from dispatch and we are going to “Walk Across Kansas”. It is offered through the K-State extension office via my work place (City of Salina). The 6 of us are going to walk the 423 miles across Kansas. We have named ourselves “The Street Walkers”. It should be fun to encourage each other to exercise! If I remember right it encourages you to do 2 ½ hours of activity a week and you will make it across Kansas in 8 weeks. Well, that is a cinch for me. I usually exercise about 7 ½ hours a week if not more. I am adding some time on Saturdays. I found a playground routine that works the abs, upper arms and thighs. So I will walk the block to the school playground and do my routine and walk back home. I am anxious to get it started.

It seems so strange to be so excited about all this exercise stuff. It helps to make it fun like with the things I am doing now. I also am enjoying encouraging others. It takes time to get into it. Once you do and you start to feel better it encourages you to do more which in turn makes you feel better which…….well, you get the picture! I like the visual benefits too. I have noticed I look better. The down side for a person who hates to shop is needing new clothes. Just this week I realized I desperately need a new swim suit. The other day I wore a pair of pants to work and I was already at work and realized I couldn’t keep them up. I wished I had my belt. The girls at work teased me about buying me suspenders. They also made the statement I needed to get rid of the pants. I guess they must look too baggy (even if I did wear a belt). It is certainly a reality check when you are walking up the hall and realize your pants are walking in the opposite direction (down). They tell me I am just in fashion when the pockets are at your knee joints. No thank you!!!

It feels good to feel good. I don’t ever want to go back to a year ago. This week I gained 2 pounds, but I think that was because I lost so much last week due to being ill. I am back to eating normal. I will have to keep on track.

I have dedicated myself to plod along. Work slowly but steadily. Hope you will do the same!

I had my measurement done with Hope at the “Y”. This is the stats for June 2008-current.

Upper Arm 3 ½
Chest 9 ¾
Waist 12 ½
Hips 11 ½
Thigh 3 ¾
Weight 90

Blessed are those who have one hand held by God
and the other hand held by a friend.