Sunday, September 27, 2009

No Words of Wisdom

No words of wisdom, inspirations or enlightment this week. Just breathing in and breathing out.

I never encountered it.
All I ever met were temporary setbacks.
~Dottie Walters~

Saturday, September 19, 2009


This week I enrolled in the Pound Plunge 2009 for Salina. This is a 12 week concentrated effort of a group of people to lose weight and begin a healthier lifestyle. They had their 1st Pound Plunge last year. The main sponsor is the YMCA. Last year they had 1,828 participants register with 1,275 of them being active and 871 of them actually completing the 12 weeks and losing 9,581 pounds total for those 871 people. Wow!!! What an accomplishment! This year there is approximately 1,800 people registered. It will be great to see what we can do!

Last year it was based on teams. I did not participate last year. I felt I was at an unfair advantage to the other participants. Just having surgery I felt I had a tool that would enhance my abilities to lose weight and that would be unfair. Also I am a very solo type person. I did not want to be part of a team. I don't like to rely on others and I hate to have others rely on me in this type of situation. I would hate to let anyone down.

Well this year they have the team enrollment, but they also have an individual enrollment. So I thought it through and I know I no longer have the unfair advantage. The surgery has run its course and I am now just like the "normal" weight loss person. I have to work it all on my own using the tool of my pouch and the tools IWLS has provided me via knowledge. As has been evident in the last month or so I have needed some type of inspiration. I am hoping this year's Pound Plunge is the ticket to that inspiration. I can challenge myself and work the program with the weekly weigh-ins. There is also the incentive of prizes with the Pound Plunge itself. My employer is also providing some prize incentives as well. For me all the prizes are just an added benefit. I want to use the weigh-ins as an official monitor to keep me in check and keep me focused. Something has got to kick in. I need to use a new motto: “When I stumble I will forgive myself and try again.” “Begin again right now. Don’t wait for tomorrow.”

"In the midst of winter, I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer."
~Albert Camus~

This saying is what I am concentrating on. My winter has been the last few months of being frustrated and letting my motivation get stagnant. I am moving into the invincible summer. I am ready to move forward and get back into the healthy mind frame. I am trying to find and establish a “garden” of safety within my being. I need to reconnect with God and give him the control of my self, my actions, my thoughts and my motives. I need to be able to close my eyes and transport myself to that special place I have built with God. A spot I can go to and harmonize with Jesus and get the strength I need to face the demons of old habits, old tapes and old comforts that are not healthy or in my best interest. I need to rely on him to pass up the urge to eat the sweets and the carbs and the too large food portions. I need to reach for his hand to pull me out of bed to exercise, guide me to the other side of the room when I want to stand next to the temptations of the past and the comforts of the emotions I know and understand. I have to grasp his hand as I try to handle the things I can’t overcome; the cravings, the emotional eating, the negative thoughts and negative attitudes of daily life. I need to see the sunshine of every situation. I need to harmonize!

So I will plunge into the 12 week program of Pound Plunge and plunge into the personal program of becoming reliant on God and not on myself. I will train myself to remember the only person who has control of me is me. I pray to give that control to God and allow him to lead me from this day forward. I pray you look into your life and figure out what you need to plunge into. “If you’re breathing, there is still hope.”

The difference between being inspired and struggling with inspiration is one simple thing... ACTION.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

A Lie In My Pocket

This week has been a week of reflections. I’m sure if I were to go back and read the last few months of my blog I would see a progressive decline in inspiration; at least on a personal level. I try to be positive and optimistic and inspirational to everyone else. Sometimes I fall short on the personal level. I tried to think of what I could do to get myself back on track. I have had a goal since July to lose 20 pounds by January 10th. That would average to just over 3 pounds a month. Well, in the last month I lost 1 pound. Not a positive inspirational moment by any means. So I thought about what I’ve been doing. To be honest, nothing! I can’t seem to get into counting the calories, decreasing the calories, counting the carbs, decreasing the carbs or making the wisest choices. I still am doing very well with the exercising. Well until the last 2 weeks. I pinched a nerve 2 weeks ago while at the “Y”. I was doing my normal routine with my normal weights. I must have been in poor form and turned my head at the wrong time because I pulled a muscle and pinched a nerve in my upper back (right shoulder blade area). I go to the chiropractor once a week for maintenance, but the last 2 weeks I have been there 7 times. I have been fairly miserable physically. I have not been able to exercise due to pain and time restraints in order to go to the chiropractor, get to work and fit in some quality sleeping hours. I miss exercising so bad I can almost taste sweat. Now that is scary coming from someone who classified the word exercise as profanity B.S. (before surgery). So my positive-ness has been on the low side for a few weeks. So I decided last week I needed to do something to kick myself back into the game. I brain stormed. I realized (like I didn’t already know this) that I can’t measure my success by pounds alone. So I set my sights on a project to view my progress by another means. I gathered some pictures I have been keeping since 1994. I put them in an “album” to try and show myself some progress. In 1994 I was actually fairly healthy looking and at a weight I’m sure I will never be down to again. It is beyond my target weight. In 1994 I really wasn’t all that healthy, but at least I looked it!

This project is a pictorial of me. I have driver’s license photos and we all know they do not lie! I have pictures specifically taken to show my front view and profile as I have been on this journey. I have looked at these pictures individually a million times. It wasn’t until this last week when I put it together in an album in succession that I can see the progress and success of my daily journey. I am still struggling with the fact I am not losing pounds. I am still frustrated with myself that I can’t seem to get motivated to live this new lifestyle to the best of my ability. I am still kicking myself daily for the poor daily choices I make in regards to foods. Foods I know I shouldn’t have, shouldn’t have that portion size, shouldn’t eat that fast, shouldn’t, shouldn’t, shouldn’t. I need to find a way to get motivated on a positive view. It seems I am stuck on the negative “shouldn’t” view. How do you do that? How do you jump to the positive side of thinking when the negative is so strong? I don’t have the answers but I intend to find out. I know the most important way is to rely on God and allow him to lead, guide and support. This involves giving up control. Giving up control of decisions when the choice you want to make is obvious, even to you, to be the wrong choice. That is when I need to rely on him the most. I know He will love me regardless of what I am because of whose I am. That must be my focus!

I guess we all go through the same processes and waves of inspiration regardless of the goals or situations in our lives. I guess I really am not any different than the next person. I just have a higher standard of expectations for myself than I do for the next person. Therefore it is easier to say the right things, encourage with inspiration and support others. I now need to turn that around and inspire myself. I need to say the right things and back it up with the right moves, the right decisions and the right choices. I need to kick myself in the butt and jump the hurdles of frustration. In all honesty, I know that is easier said on paper than done in reality. But I am going to give it the full sportsman try. Now to keep myself accountable—that is the tough job.

Actually this week I lost 3 pounds. I am at the lowest weight I have been since before I can remember. This brings me to the fact I no longer carry a lie in my pocket. I actually weigh what my driver’s license says I weigh. It hasn’t been truth for over 20 years!! Now to keep it there and keep the momentum going. I have to find the inspiration to stay away from the wrong foods and the wrong amounts. I have to find the will power to eat just when I am hungry and not because I am bored or because it is there. I have to view food as a sustainer instead of an entertainer. As Ronda says, I need to eat to live, not live to eat. That is a hard one to tackle and take down. I have often said I no longer find the joy in eating that I used to have. Nothing taste as good as it used to, so why do I find it so hard to give it up? I know, I know—emotional attachment; emotional eating.

So as I start a new chronological year, I will pray I find and use a new will power and inspiration. I pray I get back to the level of enthusiasm, dedication and focus of a year ago! As my friend Ronda says, “It is a new day and there is no room for yesterday in it.” As Katie Jay of says, “Because the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of changing. We have a choice” My choice is to give myself credit for what I have done, focus on what I need to do and give myself permission to make the mistakes, but learn from them and move on. In the last year I have made some good choices and I have also begun to return to some bad habits. The old scripts are singing loudly on some days. I just need to hum a different tune.

In the course of life, you can’t do it alone.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Random thoughts pieced together

Thoughts to Ponder

The doorway of success is often entered through the hallway of failure. So if at first you don't succeed, relax. You are just like the rest of us.
Just show up. Day after day. This moment in the day is never too late to start again.
Life is filled with 2 Flavors - Sweet & Salty
Me against me (comparing me against anyone else is a setup for failure). I find myself at support meetings sometimes looking at someone who has lost more weight in a shorter period of time and wondering how they did it and why have I not been as successful. The how’s and why’s of life are individual. Live the best you can and use the others’ success as inspiration instead of self-frustration.
Joni Erickson Tada is a quadriplegic who has glorified God despite her disability, which was the result of a diving accident in her youth.In her book Heaven: Your Real Home, she writes about the new bodies God has for us: "No more bulging middles or balding tops. No varicose veins or crow's feet. No more cellulite or support hose. Forget the 'thunder thighs' and highway hips. Just a quick leapfrog over the tombstone and it's the body you've always dreamed of. Fit and trim, smooth and sleek."
“Confidence comes from developing skills and achieving goals which may involve sacrifice and delayed gratification."
Be patient with your body. It will take time for it to respond to the healthy changes you make. You would think after a year it would have become accustom to these changes. Continue to make smart decisions and keep up your healthy lifestyle - even after reaching your goals. It is too easy to fall back into the old habits that got you where you were before you made the changes. Persevere and proceed upward!
Change is an emotional process. We are all creatures of habit who usually resist it, and welcome routine. Uncharted waters are scary! But it is the key that unlocks the doors to growth and excitement.
~Mac Anderson ~
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge."
~Tuli Kupferburg~
“Change is good…You go first”
Put yourself first and your new ways will last. This is a means of taking care of you and by taking care of you, others are taken care of too.
“Determination is the key to success.”
Can we learn from our mistakes? Only if we admit them and carry on.
We all will have our failures but do not fall into the same trap again. When given second chances, FAIL FORWARD
There are two keys to success: acting on something and being passionate.
Thought programming – under the hood
Sometimes I feel I take three steps forward in my pursuit of my dreams and goals, only to fall two and a half steps back. However, if I only concentrated on that half step forward which stood strong, striving to learn from those backward steps, I could become centered and focused more on the positive motion. Even if the positive was miniscule, it was still progress.
“He knew that he knew that he knew” I often beat myself up because I knew better, but still did that which I shouldn’t have.
Work today to take steps forward toward your dreams and never quit pursuing them.
Relize that "Oopsie." is an okay word. It allows you to make mistakes and carry on to a better place through lessons learned.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
~Thomas Edison~