This weekend I went on "The Great Adventure". It was a women's retreat at church. It was 9 ½ hours over a day and half. The title told me I would be involved in something bigger and grander, more important and extreme. It would be more significant, lasting longer. An adventure made me think of an exciting or extraordinary series of events. An undertaking involving uncertainty and risk. When I signed up for this retreat I never imagined where it would take me. I never dreamed it would challenge me to look at an area in my life that needed some serious attention. The title certainly lived up to its billing. I had to face issues I didn't want to face. Dealing with feelings daily, hourly, minute by minute.
I have been dealing with the same issues in my Back on Track program. So I guess in a sense you could say I had a jump start on the adventure I faced this weekend. I have been intensely learning to deal with feelings over the last 2 months. I used food to deal with feelings in the past. I tried to handle them on my own. Well throughout the BOT program and this weekend I discovered I cannot handle them on my own. I have to face them with God's support. I have to turn my will over to Him. Me, someone who has to be in control all the time and be perfect at it, has to allow God to take over and I has to accept my imperfection. I have talked about this in the last few blogs. That is because it is forefront in my thoughts. It is where I am at this time in my life's journey.
I have a person or two who thinks I put too much stock in my weight loss surgery procedure. They think I was fed a line and was set up with a smoke screen that didn't pan out. I on the other hand do not feel that way at all. Each step I've taken in this journey for the last 20½ months have been filled with challenges, disappointments, frustrations, blessings and rewards beyond my imagination. I knew it wouldn't be easy. I didn't know it would be so hard. And I never dreamed it would challenge me to look at myself and my relationships with friends, family, co-workers, and God. I just thought it would assist me to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle. Instead it challenged me to rethink my entire life; my reason for existence and my process of living. It became The Great Adventure I never dreamed of taking, but it has been worth every step of the journey. It's just now I know I don't have to take it alone. Yes, I have to do the work, but I have God to call upon to face the feelings, face the challenges of healthy eating and face the uncertainty of the next bite, the next step, the next leap and the next fall. See, that is the process of life regardless of if you have had weight loss surgery or not. God has to be the center; the support beam of the process.
So God, take me through the great adventure! Show me the extreme, significant, grander, extra ordinary, uncertain series of life's long lasting thrills of living in you. Give me the fortitude to face the fears and willingness to accept the joys of this adventure called life. Give me the freedom to face the feelings and live through them and not hide them in food or in the back of my mind or under the mistaken belief they will hurt me. Help me to live beyond the food, the "diet", the "obsession" of what, when, how much, how little and how often. Help me to become comfortable in my skin. Let your light shine through. This doesn't mean everyday will be bright and happy, full of smiles and glee. There will be days of frustration and doubt, fear and anxiety. Happiness is just a fleeting instance, but joy is a lasting state of mind. Let me be joyful in the good and the bad. Both result in growth. Help me see my life isn't just about weight loss, but daily experiences. Lead me through this Great Adventure.
"Every road that's traveled teaches something new."