Shopping! It is something I thoroughly HATE to do, especially when I do not know exactly what I want. I have to try on clothes because I am unsure what size I can really fit into. I have shopped on internet and shopped in stores for the past 2 weeks. I have gotten some good buys on clothes, which is a good thing considering I will only be able to wear them about 2-3 weeks. I also received clothes from a friend of mine at church. I think I am well supplied for the next size down.
I decided I really needed to work hard on toning. I noticed earlier this week while sitting here my upper arm wings are getting noticeable. I have specific exercises for them that I can sit and do. So I need to get things together and take the “equipment” to work and I can be doing them while I am sitting there working.
I have a notebook set up for my extended “workout” time in the water. I waterproofed all the pages. It is ready to go. I also set up a notebook with different exercises focusing on the abs and arms and thighs for my exercise ball, resistance bands and hand weights for here at home. This is for Saturday when I hate to go to the “Y” and when the weather gets bad and I don’t want to or can’t get out in the winter. I also have my walking videos to fall back on.
A couple of weeks ago I talked about small steps and big leaps. Well, I have been seriously setting small goals for myself for the last 2 weeks of exercising. My goal 2 weeks ago was to walk ½ a mile at the “Y”. I made that goal. This week it was to walk ¾ a mile. I made that goal on the treadmill! Next week I’ve set my sights on a mile. I also set some goals for working longer on the bike and ARC trainer. I am now up to 15 mins on the bike and 10 minutes on the ARC. Next week we will try for a few minutes longer on each. I have also increased the weight on some of the weight machines and have increased the repetitions on my floor exercises with the exercise ball. I have added some weight exercises for my arms and floor exercises for my abs. So all in all, the progress is progressing and I have seen some results.
I need to measure and take pictures. I haven’t done that since the day before surgery. I intended to do it once a month, but life got in the way. I do make sure I weigh every Saturday so I can keep track of that progress. It is a big incentive to keep going. Even when I gained the one week, it spurred me on, even knowing it was probably water retention gain and it would go away by the next week’s weigh-in.
Another spur is the clothing size. It is encouraging to see my sizes go down. In shirts I was 4x and now I am at 3x/2x. In pants I was 4x and I am now 3x and 2x depending on the material and style. Of course my bra size is down by one. All of it is encouraging! When you think I had surgery 9 weeks ago and I have seen that dramatic of a change. Also as I exercise and focus on the problem areas the sizes should decrease.
God has provided for all this resizing. He has dropped overtime at work here and there. I have been able to use that overtime money to cover most of the new clothing. He is truly a God that cares and provides.
This weekend I went to my church’s 2nd annual woman’s retreat. It was so inspiring. It centered on the thyme of because of God’s love I am worthy of feeling special. It is in that special-ness that He provides my ability to live this new lifestyle. Surgery allows me the tool to eat healthy, exercise to remain healthy, etc. God gives me the “tools” to live that healthy lifestyle to glorify him! He provides the positive outlook, the support of family and friends, the confidence to do what needs to be done and the strength in all areas (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) of my life to hopefully inspire others to live a new lifestyle-the lifestyle they deserve.
I have reached 50!!! This week’s weigh-in topped 50 pounds lost since June 21st, 35 of that since surgery July 21st.
I find it easier to do a lot of things I used to struggle to do. Here is a list I wrote pre-opt in May 2008. I use it as a goal setter and to measure my blessings to acknowledge. Some I have accomplished and some I am close to accomplishing. Some I have a ways to go to accomplish, but all are a portrait of where I’ve been, what I’ve done, how far I’ve come and what I still need to shoot for. I hope it will help someone with their thoughts and decisions.
-------------
I want to be able to do what skinny people take for granted.
Like…….
Bending over to tie my shoe without the knot being cocked to one side or the other.
Never having to worry about sitting in a folding chair.
Picking up loose change off the floor without having to bend my whole body in half
with my leg in the air like a golfer.
Going through a turnstile by walking straight instead of sideways standing on my
tippy-toes to get my big belly over the top.
Crossing my legs.
Riding a roller coaster without the fear of not being able to get the safety bar latched.
Sitting in a booth in a restaurant instead of a table.
Being able to look straight down and see my toes.
Walking for more than five minutes without being out of breath.
Standing without my back aching.
Having a lengthy conversation without being out of breath.
Sitting close enough to the table to be able and eat without spilling on my shirt.
Being able to reach over the stove to get something out of the cabinet without my
belly crushing the oven handle.
Reaching up without being conscious of my belly being exposed.
Being able to walk through a restaurant or meeting room without strategically
planning my route. (in order to fit between the tables and chairs)
Not having to plan my seating arrangement to make sure I will have enough room to
sit comfortably.
Sitting down and having a lap.
Clipping my toe nails without being in a million contortions.
Driving without having to suck in my belly to turn the corner.
Not having a “ledge” to rest my arms, plate, glass, papers, book, etc.
---------------
As I said this is a list I made pre-opt. Some day I will return to this thought and make a new list as I feel I have wishes and wants beyond the ones I have listed. I thank God for the tool of surgery, the support of family and the will power through a positive thought process and positive attitude as I accomplish each entry on this list – one step at a time!
All too often the difference between success and failure,
progress and regress, happiness and depression—
and, yes, balance and imbalance--is simply a matter of perspective.
~Paul Wilson~ Business executive and author
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Planning, Plotting and Anticipating
For a few weeks now I have been planning and anticipating my birthday celebration meal. Food used to be a life line for me. It was a life line for boredom, loneliness, excitement, happiness, and so many other emotions and feelings. Well, I have found that food isn’t all that important these days. Part of that may be because I have no hunger urges to speak of. The saying, “I’m hungry for….” is a past phrase at this point in my life. I’m not hungry for anything usually. Last week I wanted hamburger gravy and mom made it for me with mashed potatoes. The only thing missing was the corn, but I can’t eat it yet. The meal was wonderful! I added a scoop of UnJury protein powder to it and that raised the protein by 20g. I put powdered milk in the mashed potatoes and raised it some more. So I felt confident I ate a high protein meal. And I enjoyed it!!
Well, today was the birthday celebration with my parents and my sister. I made a pizza. I found a recipe in my bariatric cookbook. It was wonderful. All diners liked it. Dad thinks it is as good if not better than regular pizza. You take ¾ lb of lean hamburger (I used 1 lb) and add a beaten large egg and ¼ cup of grated parmesan cheese. Mix well and put in a pizza pan (I used a 9” pie plate). Pat it in the bottom of the pan as thin as possible and still have a nice layer. Put it in the oven at 450 for 10 minutes (watch it so it doesn’t get overly done). Drain any grease. Top with anything you desire. I used Classico pasta sauce, mozzarella cheese, turkey pepperoni, turkey pastrami, honey ham, olives and cheddar cheese. Reduce heat to 350 and put it back in the oven until the cheese is melted (5-10 mins). It will make 8 slices. Believe me when I say I am satisfied with 1 slice! Next time (once I am released to eat lettuce) I am going to make a Mexican pizza. I can use refried beans and up the protein content. You bypass the carbs from the crust with this and don’t miss the crust! It’s great warmed up and I hate warmed up pizza.
For my birthday cake I have been having a mouth watering anticipation of orange sponge cake. I found a recipe for it in one of my bariatric books. At Coyote Canyon (buffet steak restaurant) they have an orange cake that I love, but know I can never eat again. Anyway, I found this recipe. Mom made it for me. Well, I’d like to say it was out of this world, but I really don’t know. See, the baking powder we used, unbeknownst to mom, was grossly out of date. She ended up with an orange tile square instead of a cake. I guess we just don’t bake enough in this house means we have such out of date ingredients. So, once I get some more baking powder I will try the cake and let you know how it tastes. This recipe takes almond flour. The only place I found almond flour was at the health food store, in the refrigerator section. Do you hear expensive sneaking up on you? Well, for 10 oz I paid $9.99. Therefore we need new baking powder to try this cake recipe again; which I will.
I have been plotting my plans for exercising for several weeks now. I got released back to the YMCA to lift weights. I started and have seen results. Pants I couldn’t get into last week because of the lower abs, I got into this week. Anyway, I want to stir up the water exercising too. I have been doing 1 hour of organized water aerobics 2-3 times a week. Then I stay after and do about 15 minutes of solo exercising in the water. This last week I went to the library and got several books on water exercising (known as aqua-cising). I found numerous upper arms, abdominal and thigh exercises to do. I am excited about getting to the water to plunge into the routine. I even moved my Monday & Friday chiropractor appointment back 30 minutes so I can exercise 30 minutes more. I also found some exercises focused on those areas for land exercising that I can do at home on Saturday when I don’t go to the “Y”. I don’t like to go and “fight” all the weekend warriors and family fitness fanatics that show up on Saturdays. I know it is tough getting into a habit of exercising, but I have found in the last 2 weeks I don’t dread exercise like I used to. I always feel better after. I think I have more energy now than I have in years. The results are fun too. The more I do the easier it is to do more. I have raised the amount of weight on a couple of my machines. Slow and steady wins the race, so the turtle bragged!
Means my orange sponge cake was a flop dad made a pumpkin cream cheese cake today. I ate a small sliver of it. I fear I have discovered through this and a couple of other non-conscious discoveries that I am probably fairly high sugar tolerant. I have made a promise to myself and actually exercised this promise several times. I promised myself I would not test how much I can eat. I won’t return to the sugar desserts, Wendy’s shakes, candy bars, etc. that I so much loved B.S. (Before Surgery). I will NOT eat it just because I think I might be able to. I know myself well enough to know if I test it and I “pass” (or fail depending on how you look at it) I will continue to test the limits. Therefore, I WILL stick with my sugar-free foods over the sugar variety. As I said I have already exercised that promise to myself. There has been some of my favorite candy at work, some peanut butter cookies at work and chocolate foods at work. I have looked at them and had little inkling of desire. The peanut butter cookies were the hardest. I looked at them and said, “Man those look good! No, I don’t need it and I am not even hungry.” I turned around and walked off. I thank God for that will power and reasoning skills. I will rely on him to continue to give me that strength.
If you will remember my parents started this journey with me from the beginning. When I told them Feb 14th what I planned to do they cleared the house of any foods I did not need to be eating. When I had to go on the Optifast semi-liquid meals 1 month before surgery they did the same thing with protein shakes, protein bars and 1 frozen entrée; just like me. Since surgery they eat a good breakfast (cereal and fruit), a well rounded lunch with appropriate portions and a meal/protein bar for supper. Sometimes in the evening they will have popcorn, fruit, sherbet or low fat ice cream. Mom has lost 19 pounds in 3 months. Dad has lost 14. Both have goals for their weight. Mom has 1 to go and then she thinks she will set a new goal to lose a few more. She is looking slimmer and getting into clothes she hasn’t been able to wear for several years. Dad says he wants to lose 7 more pounds. So this experience has been good for all of us. We get to support each other and watch the results! I am very proud of them for sticking to it even though they don’t have too. They didn‘t have to do it in the 1st place and they certainly don’t have to keep it up for my sake; especially since I have to eat 3 meals a day. Of course my 3 meals probably don’t equal their 2, but the thought is still there.
This week’s weigh-in showered me with a 2 pound blessing. I figured I would gain, but was glad I didn’t. I am now 48 pounds lighter than I was June 21st when this journey began; 33 of those pounds have been in the last 2 months. I am down at least one size in every article of clothing except my socks and shoes. Today I said I celebrated my birthday. Well, I also celebrated my 2 month mark today for post-op . We also celebrated my 2nd great niece being 9 months old today! Too bad that orange cake didn’t rise, huh? I am proud of my progress and determination. A friend I met a couple of months ago gave me a compliment that meant a lot to me. She said my positive attitude was inspiring. That meant so much to me that my positive attitude affects someone else. Some days it is the only thing that keeps me going. It is what keeps me on track and eating healthy.
I hope you will latch onto your positive attitude and pursue whatever goals you may have envisioned for yourself. If you are goal-less, get on the ball and bounce a few ideas off a friend and set up some goals. You will certainly gain more than you bargained for just in the good feelings of attempting and eventually the accomplishment.
Until next time.
DeAnn :0)
Sow a thought; reap an act.
Sow an act; reap a habit.
Sow a habit; reap a character.
Sow a character; reap a destiny.
Well, today was the birthday celebration with my parents and my sister. I made a pizza. I found a recipe in my bariatric cookbook. It was wonderful. All diners liked it. Dad thinks it is as good if not better than regular pizza. You take ¾ lb of lean hamburger (I used 1 lb) and add a beaten large egg and ¼ cup of grated parmesan cheese. Mix well and put in a pizza pan (I used a 9” pie plate). Pat it in the bottom of the pan as thin as possible and still have a nice layer. Put it in the oven at 450 for 10 minutes (watch it so it doesn’t get overly done). Drain any grease. Top with anything you desire. I used Classico pasta sauce, mozzarella cheese, turkey pepperoni, turkey pastrami, honey ham, olives and cheddar cheese. Reduce heat to 350 and put it back in the oven until the cheese is melted (5-10 mins). It will make 8 slices. Believe me when I say I am satisfied with 1 slice! Next time (once I am released to eat lettuce) I am going to make a Mexican pizza. I can use refried beans and up the protein content. You bypass the carbs from the crust with this and don’t miss the crust! It’s great warmed up and I hate warmed up pizza.
For my birthday cake I have been having a mouth watering anticipation of orange sponge cake. I found a recipe for it in one of my bariatric books. At Coyote Canyon (buffet steak restaurant) they have an orange cake that I love, but know I can never eat again. Anyway, I found this recipe. Mom made it for me. Well, I’d like to say it was out of this world, but I really don’t know. See, the baking powder we used, unbeknownst to mom, was grossly out of date. She ended up with an orange tile square instead of a cake. I guess we just don’t bake enough in this house means we have such out of date ingredients. So, once I get some more baking powder I will try the cake and let you know how it tastes. This recipe takes almond flour. The only place I found almond flour was at the health food store, in the refrigerator section. Do you hear expensive sneaking up on you? Well, for 10 oz I paid $9.99. Therefore we need new baking powder to try this cake recipe again; which I will.
I have been plotting my plans for exercising for several weeks now. I got released back to the YMCA to lift weights. I started and have seen results. Pants I couldn’t get into last week because of the lower abs, I got into this week. Anyway, I want to stir up the water exercising too. I have been doing 1 hour of organized water aerobics 2-3 times a week. Then I stay after and do about 15 minutes of solo exercising in the water. This last week I went to the library and got several books on water exercising (known as aqua-cising). I found numerous upper arms, abdominal and thigh exercises to do. I am excited about getting to the water to plunge into the routine. I even moved my Monday & Friday chiropractor appointment back 30 minutes so I can exercise 30 minutes more. I also found some exercises focused on those areas for land exercising that I can do at home on Saturday when I don’t go to the “Y”. I don’t like to go and “fight” all the weekend warriors and family fitness fanatics that show up on Saturdays. I know it is tough getting into a habit of exercising, but I have found in the last 2 weeks I don’t dread exercise like I used to. I always feel better after. I think I have more energy now than I have in years. The results are fun too. The more I do the easier it is to do more. I have raised the amount of weight on a couple of my machines. Slow and steady wins the race, so the turtle bragged!
Means my orange sponge cake was a flop dad made a pumpkin cream cheese cake today. I ate a small sliver of it. I fear I have discovered through this and a couple of other non-conscious discoveries that I am probably fairly high sugar tolerant. I have made a promise to myself and actually exercised this promise several times. I promised myself I would not test how much I can eat. I won’t return to the sugar desserts, Wendy’s shakes, candy bars, etc. that I so much loved B.S. (Before Surgery). I will NOT eat it just because I think I might be able to. I know myself well enough to know if I test it and I “pass” (or fail depending on how you look at it) I will continue to test the limits. Therefore, I WILL stick with my sugar-free foods over the sugar variety. As I said I have already exercised that promise to myself. There has been some of my favorite candy at work, some peanut butter cookies at work and chocolate foods at work. I have looked at them and had little inkling of desire. The peanut butter cookies were the hardest. I looked at them and said, “Man those look good! No, I don’t need it and I am not even hungry.” I turned around and walked off. I thank God for that will power and reasoning skills. I will rely on him to continue to give me that strength.
If you will remember my parents started this journey with me from the beginning. When I told them Feb 14th what I planned to do they cleared the house of any foods I did not need to be eating. When I had to go on the Optifast semi-liquid meals 1 month before surgery they did the same thing with protein shakes, protein bars and 1 frozen entrée; just like me. Since surgery they eat a good breakfast (cereal and fruit), a well rounded lunch with appropriate portions and a meal/protein bar for supper. Sometimes in the evening they will have popcorn, fruit, sherbet or low fat ice cream. Mom has lost 19 pounds in 3 months. Dad has lost 14. Both have goals for their weight. Mom has 1 to go and then she thinks she will set a new goal to lose a few more. She is looking slimmer and getting into clothes she hasn’t been able to wear for several years. Dad says he wants to lose 7 more pounds. So this experience has been good for all of us. We get to support each other and watch the results! I am very proud of them for sticking to it even though they don’t have too. They didn‘t have to do it in the 1st place and they certainly don’t have to keep it up for my sake; especially since I have to eat 3 meals a day. Of course my 3 meals probably don’t equal their 2, but the thought is still there.
This week’s weigh-in showered me with a 2 pound blessing. I figured I would gain, but was glad I didn’t. I am now 48 pounds lighter than I was June 21st when this journey began; 33 of those pounds have been in the last 2 months. I am down at least one size in every article of clothing except my socks and shoes. Today I said I celebrated my birthday. Well, I also celebrated my 2 month mark today for post-op . We also celebrated my 2nd great niece being 9 months old today! Too bad that orange cake didn’t rise, huh? I am proud of my progress and determination. A friend I met a couple of months ago gave me a compliment that meant a lot to me. She said my positive attitude was inspiring. That meant so much to me that my positive attitude affects someone else. Some days it is the only thing that keeps me going. It is what keeps me on track and eating healthy.
I hope you will latch onto your positive attitude and pursue whatever goals you may have envisioned for yourself. If you are goal-less, get on the ball and bounce a few ideas off a friend and set up some goals. You will certainly gain more than you bargained for just in the good feelings of attempting and eventually the accomplishment.
Until next time.
DeAnn :0)
Sow a thought; reap an act.
Sow an act; reap a habit.
Sow a habit; reap a character.
Sow a character; reap a destiny.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Steps & Leaps
This last week I “celebrated” my 46th year of life. I didn’t really have a big ‘ole party. I haven’t had a big ‘ole party in many many years. I went to eat with some friends. I ordered a meal that took me 3 meals to eat! Talk about a cheap date. I had some broiled chicken and baked potato (with dry milk to add protein). Someone at work asked me if I felt a year older. I said, “Actually, I feel younger than I have in years.”
I have a problem that is nice. I am having a hard time finding clothes to fit. I have exhausted my reserve sizes. The pants I began to wear last week will probably be too big in another week. My shirts are already too big. My big event for tomorrow is to go through my closet and clear out all the BIG shirts and see what I have to choose from. I have a friend that gave me some smaller sizes, but I probably won’t be able to wear them for another week or two. So I got on line and ordered some clothes. I found some clearance items for good prices. I ordered for my current size and the next size down. Pants that I am satisfied with are the tough thing to find. It is also hard because I’m not sure what size I really am. I guess I need to go to the store and pick a few sizes, styles, types of material, etc. And see what fits. I just hate to shop. I also hate to spend full price for clothes I will only wear for 2 weeks or so. I went to the Goodwill store today and tried on 37 pieces of clothing and bought 3. For someone who hates shopping that was like the torture chambers! The only consolation was one of the shirts I bought has a Mickey Mouse on it and I got it for $3.69.
Today my chiropractor teased me and said he was taking up a donation to buy me suspenders. The pants I had on were a “little” big! I laughed and asked what he was going to do for my shirts. My pants are big in the butt-end and legs because they have to be so large for the waist size. I hope for that to resolve as I exercise and my waist decreases. He asked if I had a certain amount of weight I had to lose in a certain time period. I said there are no hard set rules, but my surgeon would like me to lose 15-20 pounds in the next 6 weeks. I lost 10 last month, so I feel 15-20 is do-able. That is 3 a week. As I continue to increase my exercising, it will help.
I have been going to the “Y” and exercising. Today I implemented some “bar bell weight resistance” exercises in my water exercising. I am hoping it will help tone the sagging belly muscles and decrease my waist. Tomorrow I will go to the gym side at the “Y”. I have a routine with the bike, ARC, weight resistance and exercise ball. I also walk around the track. Last week I made it 1/3 of a mile. Before surgery I could walk about 1/26th of a mile. I want to work up to ½ a mile by week’s end. My feet and back are what used to keep me from walking. This last week they did real well with the 1/3 mile.
Today I had difficulty with eating. Not that it upset my stomach. I just couldn’t find anything that “tasted good”. It seemed like everything I thought I wanted wasn’t “tasty” to me. I settled for about 3 ounces of chicken and ½ a cup of cottage cheese for lunch. For supper I had a can of tuna with dill weed and lite mayo and 1 ounce of cheese with a few multi-grain crackers. I told mom I didn’t know what I was hungry for. I said, “It is hard to be hungry for anything when you are never hungry.” I eat just because I know I need to for my body, healing and health. I could probably go all day and never eat anything. I try to make what I eat high in protein. I asked mom tonight if we could have hamburger gravy tomorrow. She asked if I thought I should. I said I didn’t know why not. We could use my milk (½ 1% & ½ skim) and we could put a scoop of my UnJury unflavored protein powder in it. We could put protein powder in the mashed potatoes. I think maybe that would taste good to me.
At work last week I saw a co-worker that only works part-time. She hadn’t seen me since before surgery. She emailed me about 2 weeks ago and said she wasn’t sure she wanted to see me yet. She wanted to be amazed and surprised when she saw me. Well, she walked in and I was on the opposite side of the room so she couldn’t see me. She got settled in. One of the employees of the police department brought 2 pieces of cake. He felt bad because there were 3 of us and he only brought 2 pieces. I said not to worry I didn’t eat that anymore. Anyway, my co-worker said, “I haven’t seen you yet.” I asked if she was going to keep her eyes closed all shift. I said, “I doubt you are going to be amazed.” I got up and walked over to her. She was amazed! She made me feel so good! Her reaction was one of amazement, thrill and huge support. I told her last week was the 1st I had actually started to feel like I had lost weight. My face, hands, wrists, knees and ankles have shown the weight loss, but it wasn’t until last week I really felt like my waist was smaller. She said she noticed it in the waist and legs. She thought I looked smaller even height wise. I told her we were measuring the pounds not the height. It sure made me feel good! I know I look different because I used my credit card 2 weeks ago and the clerk asked to see some ID. I gave her my driver’s license. She looked at it, then at me, then at it, then at me and I said, “I know it doesn’t look the same. I’ve lost 41 pounds.” She said, “You are right. It doesn’t look like you. Congratulations!” That felt good! It as been this last week I have also felt like I have more energy. I can remember when I dreaded getting up to exercise because after I did I was dragging. Now it seems like the exercising gives me energy. I still hate getting up at 7am to be at water aerobics at 8am and 8am to be at the gym by 9am. Once I am there, it feels good! I never thought I would say that!
As of Saturday (weigh-in day) I have lost 46 pounds total with 31 of them being since surgery 8 weeks ago today! I went to the doctor for my monthly B-12 shot last Friday. I always weigh myself there so my medical records show my weight. I have been waiting an eternity (okay maybe not quite that long, but it’s felt like it) to be able to get on that scale and not have to put the bottom weight on 250. It felt so good to leave it on 200. Now to watch the top one go down from 246. Only 47 more pounds and I can put the bottom weight on 150!!! I know I am getting ahead of myself, but as the quotation at the bottom of this entry says; “small steps”. It is a goal! It is a realistic one to shoot for. If I can do 20 pounds in 6 weeks I will be half way there. That makes it a “small steps to big leaps” attainable goal!
I hope you map out your goals and take those small steps towards the big leaps.
Small steps are one of the most powerful ways
to make big leaps.
~Melissa McCreery, PhD~
I have a problem that is nice. I am having a hard time finding clothes to fit. I have exhausted my reserve sizes. The pants I began to wear last week will probably be too big in another week. My shirts are already too big. My big event for tomorrow is to go through my closet and clear out all the BIG shirts and see what I have to choose from. I have a friend that gave me some smaller sizes, but I probably won’t be able to wear them for another week or two. So I got on line and ordered some clothes. I found some clearance items for good prices. I ordered for my current size and the next size down. Pants that I am satisfied with are the tough thing to find. It is also hard because I’m not sure what size I really am. I guess I need to go to the store and pick a few sizes, styles, types of material, etc. And see what fits. I just hate to shop. I also hate to spend full price for clothes I will only wear for 2 weeks or so. I went to the Goodwill store today and tried on 37 pieces of clothing and bought 3. For someone who hates shopping that was like the torture chambers! The only consolation was one of the shirts I bought has a Mickey Mouse on it and I got it for $3.69.
Today my chiropractor teased me and said he was taking up a donation to buy me suspenders. The pants I had on were a “little” big! I laughed and asked what he was going to do for my shirts. My pants are big in the butt-end and legs because they have to be so large for the waist size. I hope for that to resolve as I exercise and my waist decreases. He asked if I had a certain amount of weight I had to lose in a certain time period. I said there are no hard set rules, but my surgeon would like me to lose 15-20 pounds in the next 6 weeks. I lost 10 last month, so I feel 15-20 is do-able. That is 3 a week. As I continue to increase my exercising, it will help.
I have been going to the “Y” and exercising. Today I implemented some “bar bell weight resistance” exercises in my water exercising. I am hoping it will help tone the sagging belly muscles and decrease my waist. Tomorrow I will go to the gym side at the “Y”. I have a routine with the bike, ARC, weight resistance and exercise ball. I also walk around the track. Last week I made it 1/3 of a mile. Before surgery I could walk about 1/26th of a mile. I want to work up to ½ a mile by week’s end. My feet and back are what used to keep me from walking. This last week they did real well with the 1/3 mile.
Today I had difficulty with eating. Not that it upset my stomach. I just couldn’t find anything that “tasted good”. It seemed like everything I thought I wanted wasn’t “tasty” to me. I settled for about 3 ounces of chicken and ½ a cup of cottage cheese for lunch. For supper I had a can of tuna with dill weed and lite mayo and 1 ounce of cheese with a few multi-grain crackers. I told mom I didn’t know what I was hungry for. I said, “It is hard to be hungry for anything when you are never hungry.” I eat just because I know I need to for my body, healing and health. I could probably go all day and never eat anything. I try to make what I eat high in protein. I asked mom tonight if we could have hamburger gravy tomorrow. She asked if I thought I should. I said I didn’t know why not. We could use my milk (½ 1% & ½ skim) and we could put a scoop of my UnJury unflavored protein powder in it. We could put protein powder in the mashed potatoes. I think maybe that would taste good to me.
At work last week I saw a co-worker that only works part-time. She hadn’t seen me since before surgery. She emailed me about 2 weeks ago and said she wasn’t sure she wanted to see me yet. She wanted to be amazed and surprised when she saw me. Well, she walked in and I was on the opposite side of the room so she couldn’t see me. She got settled in. One of the employees of the police department brought 2 pieces of cake. He felt bad because there were 3 of us and he only brought 2 pieces. I said not to worry I didn’t eat that anymore. Anyway, my co-worker said, “I haven’t seen you yet.” I asked if she was going to keep her eyes closed all shift. I said, “I doubt you are going to be amazed.” I got up and walked over to her. She was amazed! She made me feel so good! Her reaction was one of amazement, thrill and huge support. I told her last week was the 1st I had actually started to feel like I had lost weight. My face, hands, wrists, knees and ankles have shown the weight loss, but it wasn’t until last week I really felt like my waist was smaller. She said she noticed it in the waist and legs. She thought I looked smaller even height wise. I told her we were measuring the pounds not the height. It sure made me feel good! I know I look different because I used my credit card 2 weeks ago and the clerk asked to see some ID. I gave her my driver’s license. She looked at it, then at me, then at it, then at me and I said, “I know it doesn’t look the same. I’ve lost 41 pounds.” She said, “You are right. It doesn’t look like you. Congratulations!” That felt good! It as been this last week I have also felt like I have more energy. I can remember when I dreaded getting up to exercise because after I did I was dragging. Now it seems like the exercising gives me energy. I still hate getting up at 7am to be at water aerobics at 8am and 8am to be at the gym by 9am. Once I am there, it feels good! I never thought I would say that!
As of Saturday (weigh-in day) I have lost 46 pounds total with 31 of them being since surgery 8 weeks ago today! I went to the doctor for my monthly B-12 shot last Friday. I always weigh myself there so my medical records show my weight. I have been waiting an eternity (okay maybe not quite that long, but it’s felt like it) to be able to get on that scale and not have to put the bottom weight on 250. It felt so good to leave it on 200. Now to watch the top one go down from 246. Only 47 more pounds and I can put the bottom weight on 150!!! I know I am getting ahead of myself, but as the quotation at the bottom of this entry says; “small steps”. It is a goal! It is a realistic one to shoot for. If I can do 20 pounds in 6 weeks I will be half way there. That makes it a “small steps to big leaps” attainable goal!
I hope you map out your goals and take those small steps towards the big leaps.
Small steps are one of the most powerful ways
to make big leaps.
~Melissa McCreery, PhD~
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Reminiscing and Progressing
This week I started back at the YMCA with my weights and cardio program. It has been since before surgery that I have done any of this. I got back with my trainer and told her I wanted to tone the abs and get rid of the sagging. She was excited and as her name is legacy to (Hope) that is what she instilled. She got me back into a regime with 5 of the weight resistance machines to focus on the abs and arms. She started me on some ab exercises using an exercise balance ball. Of course I will begin again with the bike and ARC machine for the cardio. She has started me slow and with less weight than I was doing. I will work my way back up. As I was doing my sets and regime I started to think about this journey I began 2 years ago.
In 2006 when my neurologist said I had to have gastric bypass surgery I weighed my heaviest, 297 pounds. I was humiliated, felt hopeless and in great pain both physically and now emotionally. I remember crying thinking; he doesn’t care and just wants me to feel bad. I thought; He can’t be serious. I can’t be that overweight. I surely have some other options. I can’t do surgery. There has to be another way! I remember reading my medical records I had obtained for an appointment with a specialist and seeing “Morbid Obesity”. I thought; What?! Are they serious? How can they be so cold? In that feeling of shame, I made a commitment to myself to do whatever it took to lose weight. I was determined that gastric bypass was not the road for me and I was going to show him and everyone. I knew I needed to face my problems with food, change my behavior and the long lived habit of relying on food for comfort and as my dear friend. I believed that I had choices available to me. Within the week I joined Weight Watchers. I stuck with Weight Watchers for over a year and never reached my 10%. It was extremely frustrating. Once again the feeling of humiliation and shame overcame me. I thought; why isn’t this successful? I know people have been successful on Weight Watchers, why can’t I be? It was at that time I realized I had to face the facts, bite the bullet and be honest with myself. I took a long look in the mirror and at several pictures. I literally looked myself in the eye and said, “DeAnn, you are morbidly obese. You have to do something about it or you are going to die.” It was at that very second I knew I had exhausted all my options and had been unsuccessful. That was unacceptable for me. So I began talking to my best friend, seriously thinking about what I was willing to do and what I was willing to give up or modify. I began my many hours of research on the internet, reading many books, magazine articles, watching actual surgeries on the internet, etc. I sat myself down and took an honest evaluation of myself, my life, and my surmounting health issues and admitted I had exhausted every other option. In order to save myself and live life to the fullest I would have to have the surgery. It was at that moment, for the 1st time in many years I truly felt hopeful about resolving my health issues. I honestly believed this route would be the tool I needed to love myself in the way I deserved. This was the lifestyle option I needed to live fully and not just exist in a state of exhaustion and routine.
I think movement is going to be very important to my weight loss. I plan to work out in the gym 2-3 times a week, mixing cardio and resistance, to help tighten and firm loose skin. I plan to do water aerobics 2-3 times a week. I have to schedule it and make it a priority like I would a doctor’s appointment or a lunch date. It will be important to form the habit now while it is “easy” to lose the weight. They call it the “honeymoon period”. It is as important as getting my eating habits established. These habits not only include how I eat (slow, thorough chewing, small bites with appropriate portions), but also why I eat, the type of foods I eat and the times I eat; eliminating the snacking.
It is also important to surround myself with supporters. This not only includes family and friends, but professionals. I have 2 chiropractors that are very interested in my progress. I think they are enjoying watching the transformation and the learning process. My primary doctor is the same. They are so enthusiastic about this journey. My trainer at the YMCA is as I said earlier, very inspiring and excited about my loss. Of course some of the biggest supporters are the staff at IWLS. They are jewels and worth more than a million bucks. They are positive, enthusiastic, uplifting, inspiring and present for every step. So far I have been lucky enough not to have opposition from any family or friends who would rather I stay heavy. I pray that will continue through this journey. I know it is a possibility and I will cross that bridge when it presents itself.
I also know it is very important to be realistic. Part of that realism is allowing my supporters to be open and honest with me. This will include times when they point out a stumble, refresh my memory of a goal, bring my vision and expectations into the boundaries of reality and sometimes even bring up a character trait that may hinder my progress. Thank God for my supporters. I pray I can help another obese person find success. Together we can accomplish much.
Small actions lead to big results.
In 2006 when my neurologist said I had to have gastric bypass surgery I weighed my heaviest, 297 pounds. I was humiliated, felt hopeless and in great pain both physically and now emotionally. I remember crying thinking; he doesn’t care and just wants me to feel bad. I thought; He can’t be serious. I can’t be that overweight. I surely have some other options. I can’t do surgery. There has to be another way! I remember reading my medical records I had obtained for an appointment with a specialist and seeing “Morbid Obesity”. I thought; What?! Are they serious? How can they be so cold? In that feeling of shame, I made a commitment to myself to do whatever it took to lose weight. I was determined that gastric bypass was not the road for me and I was going to show him and everyone. I knew I needed to face my problems with food, change my behavior and the long lived habit of relying on food for comfort and as my dear friend. I believed that I had choices available to me. Within the week I joined Weight Watchers. I stuck with Weight Watchers for over a year and never reached my 10%. It was extremely frustrating. Once again the feeling of humiliation and shame overcame me. I thought; why isn’t this successful? I know people have been successful on Weight Watchers, why can’t I be? It was at that time I realized I had to face the facts, bite the bullet and be honest with myself. I took a long look in the mirror and at several pictures. I literally looked myself in the eye and said, “DeAnn, you are morbidly obese. You have to do something about it or you are going to die.” It was at that very second I knew I had exhausted all my options and had been unsuccessful. That was unacceptable for me. So I began talking to my best friend, seriously thinking about what I was willing to do and what I was willing to give up or modify. I began my many hours of research on the internet, reading many books, magazine articles, watching actual surgeries on the internet, etc. I sat myself down and took an honest evaluation of myself, my life, and my surmounting health issues and admitted I had exhausted every other option. In order to save myself and live life to the fullest I would have to have the surgery. It was at that moment, for the 1st time in many years I truly felt hopeful about resolving my health issues. I honestly believed this route would be the tool I needed to love myself in the way I deserved. This was the lifestyle option I needed to live fully and not just exist in a state of exhaustion and routine.
I think movement is going to be very important to my weight loss. I plan to work out in the gym 2-3 times a week, mixing cardio and resistance, to help tighten and firm loose skin. I plan to do water aerobics 2-3 times a week. I have to schedule it and make it a priority like I would a doctor’s appointment or a lunch date. It will be important to form the habit now while it is “easy” to lose the weight. They call it the “honeymoon period”. It is as important as getting my eating habits established. These habits not only include how I eat (slow, thorough chewing, small bites with appropriate portions), but also why I eat, the type of foods I eat and the times I eat; eliminating the snacking.
It is also important to surround myself with supporters. This not only includes family and friends, but professionals. I have 2 chiropractors that are very interested in my progress. I think they are enjoying watching the transformation and the learning process. My primary doctor is the same. They are so enthusiastic about this journey. My trainer at the YMCA is as I said earlier, very inspiring and excited about my loss. Of course some of the biggest supporters are the staff at IWLS. They are jewels and worth more than a million bucks. They are positive, enthusiastic, uplifting, inspiring and present for every step. So far I have been lucky enough not to have opposition from any family or friends who would rather I stay heavy. I pray that will continue through this journey. I know it is a possibility and I will cross that bridge when it presents itself.
I also know it is very important to be realistic. Part of that realism is allowing my supporters to be open and honest with me. This will include times when they point out a stumble, refresh my memory of a goal, bring my vision and expectations into the boundaries of reality and sometimes even bring up a character trait that may hinder my progress. Thank God for my supporters. I pray I can help another obese person find success. Together we can accomplish much.
Small actions lead to big results.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Random Thoughts
I have a friend who says she is starving. She had the Lap Band surgery done. I asked her to stop and analyze something. When she thinks she is hungry is it her stomach that is talking or her head? We are so used to eating and looking at our food as a friend. We are familiar with food and are very comfortable with food. I know my head tells me sometimes I am hungry, but when I stop and listen to my body I find I really am not hungry. I am usually bored. The psyche is very strong. Our emotions and food have been tied together for a long time and the emotions and mental areas will put up a tough fight. Listen to your body. I told her not to be shy about using IWLS (Innovative Weight Loss Solutions) staff (Ronda Jennifer, Pam and Tera). They are more than happy to talk with us. They are there for us!
She was also concerned about not getting any nutrition, but just clear liquids the 1st week following surgery. I thought the same thing. I thought protein is so important, why am I not taking in any. I e-mailed my friend who went through the surgery in April. He said he didn’t get protein either. I think we figured out it is because the new pouch is very raw and needs the week to heal. It is not processing anything the 1st week; therefore just the clear liquids. It is like a sprained wrist. You may be able to feel it there and know it hurts, but you don’t use it 100% because it needs time to heal. Therefore, you ease into using it a little at a time; same concept with the pouch. You have to give it time to heal and ease into the full usage of it. It is tough. I remember! I was never hungry, but I sure was tired of tasting clear liquids.
I don’t know if it is the type of surgery or what, but I rarely have any type of hunger signs. Means she is “starving” I wonder if it is because her “old” stomach is still used as before, just less food at a time, so it gives hunger signals. Whereas my “old” stomach will never see food again and it has resigned to such and isn’t cranky. My pouch rarely signals hunger, but does signal fullness. I don’t have all the answers I know.
Yes it does get better. I went through 2-3 rounds of “frustration”. One was with the clear liquids and wanting something, anything more. Means I had the week of being in excruciating pain from the overuse of the muscles with the sporometer, I didn’t feel well enough to really care for a few days. I just drank. Then as I neared the end of the liquid phase and waiting to go into the puree stage I got frustrated again. Now my frustration is with the need to drink the protein. I want to be able to eat my protein and get off the protein drinks. Part of that is because I have not found one I am more than tolerable with. I think I can eat the right stuff to get my proteins in w/out the drink. I will see how that goes next Thursday when I should advance to phase 3 “soft foods”. I am going to celebrate my birthday with a friend on Thursday by going to Panera’s in Manhattan and having the chicken & noodle soup. So much for the soft menu, huh? Oh well, on Friday I have a friend that is going to go to Spangles and get a hamburger for me for my birthday. I just have to hang in there and realize each goal can only be gained with baby steps. But once you get to the goal the reward will be worth it! I also realize I will have to rely on protein drinks at times and maybe daily for the rest of my life. I just want to try to get the protein in my food!
I know I made the right decision. I sometimes wonder why I didn’t do it sooner. I just have to remember I didn’t gain the weight in just a matter of a little time and it won’t take just a little time to loose it and feel better. It will feel better each day with a frustrating day here and there. I never doubted having the surgery, but I sure felt frustrated at times. I look at the positive progress I make. Even something as small as passing up that certain something I want because I know I don’t need it to live. It may be something I want to eat or that 1-2 more bites that I know my body is telling me I don’t need. For me it might be the extra scoop of whatever. It is the small triumphs I have to acknowledge and pat myself on the back for. Right now I try to pat myself on the back for having the surgery. It takes a LOT of courage to do it.
I am still doing well. I find out things every day. Today I figured if I am going to eat deli meat it better be cut thicker than paper thin. I didn’t chew it as much as I should have-or I should say I didn’t chew it as well as I thought I had. So I thought back to the support meeting and what they serve. The meat is thicker. I think I understand why now. I have been trying to ease into the soft foods this week. I have done well with chewing things well. I just think the lunch meat was too thin. I lost another 2 pounds this week so I am up to 44 lost since June 21st and 29 of those since surgery July 21st. I packed up my “big girl pants” and am wearing some pants I haven’t fit into for over 3 years. I am still between sizes in my shirts though. They aren’t as roomy as I would like them. Like I said in my last blog- why is the belly the last place to go…? Once I get back to the YMCA full time I hope the belly will reduce. We’ll see!
Well, until the next inspiration hits, I pray this has given you some insights to the daily process that takes place in a weight loss surgery patient. It is a day by day, step by step, inch by inch, pound by pound journey. You can’t walk it any faster and sometimes it feels like the escalator is at a stand still, but the scenery does eventually change and the days get better and the body gets stronger. The mental and emotional urges get easier to analyze and direct. Positive thinking and assessment makes the journey much more bearable at the tough moments. I’ll just keep trucking. I hope you do the same in your life’s journey.
When we get tangled up in our problems, be still.
God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
She was also concerned about not getting any nutrition, but just clear liquids the 1st week following surgery. I thought the same thing. I thought protein is so important, why am I not taking in any. I e-mailed my friend who went through the surgery in April. He said he didn’t get protein either. I think we figured out it is because the new pouch is very raw and needs the week to heal. It is not processing anything the 1st week; therefore just the clear liquids. It is like a sprained wrist. You may be able to feel it there and know it hurts, but you don’t use it 100% because it needs time to heal. Therefore, you ease into using it a little at a time; same concept with the pouch. You have to give it time to heal and ease into the full usage of it. It is tough. I remember! I was never hungry, but I sure was tired of tasting clear liquids.
I don’t know if it is the type of surgery or what, but I rarely have any type of hunger signs. Means she is “starving” I wonder if it is because her “old” stomach is still used as before, just less food at a time, so it gives hunger signals. Whereas my “old” stomach will never see food again and it has resigned to such and isn’t cranky. My pouch rarely signals hunger, but does signal fullness. I don’t have all the answers I know.
Yes it does get better. I went through 2-3 rounds of “frustration”. One was with the clear liquids and wanting something, anything more. Means I had the week of being in excruciating pain from the overuse of the muscles with the sporometer, I didn’t feel well enough to really care for a few days. I just drank. Then as I neared the end of the liquid phase and waiting to go into the puree stage I got frustrated again. Now my frustration is with the need to drink the protein. I want to be able to eat my protein and get off the protein drinks. Part of that is because I have not found one I am more than tolerable with. I think I can eat the right stuff to get my proteins in w/out the drink. I will see how that goes next Thursday when I should advance to phase 3 “soft foods”. I am going to celebrate my birthday with a friend on Thursday by going to Panera’s in Manhattan and having the chicken & noodle soup. So much for the soft menu, huh? Oh well, on Friday I have a friend that is going to go to Spangles and get a hamburger for me for my birthday. I just have to hang in there and realize each goal can only be gained with baby steps. But once you get to the goal the reward will be worth it! I also realize I will have to rely on protein drinks at times and maybe daily for the rest of my life. I just want to try to get the protein in my food!
I know I made the right decision. I sometimes wonder why I didn’t do it sooner. I just have to remember I didn’t gain the weight in just a matter of a little time and it won’t take just a little time to loose it and feel better. It will feel better each day with a frustrating day here and there. I never doubted having the surgery, but I sure felt frustrated at times. I look at the positive progress I make. Even something as small as passing up that certain something I want because I know I don’t need it to live. It may be something I want to eat or that 1-2 more bites that I know my body is telling me I don’t need. For me it might be the extra scoop of whatever. It is the small triumphs I have to acknowledge and pat myself on the back for. Right now I try to pat myself on the back for having the surgery. It takes a LOT of courage to do it.
I am still doing well. I find out things every day. Today I figured if I am going to eat deli meat it better be cut thicker than paper thin. I didn’t chew it as much as I should have-or I should say I didn’t chew it as well as I thought I had. So I thought back to the support meeting and what they serve. The meat is thicker. I think I understand why now. I have been trying to ease into the soft foods this week. I have done well with chewing things well. I just think the lunch meat was too thin. I lost another 2 pounds this week so I am up to 44 lost since June 21st and 29 of those since surgery July 21st. I packed up my “big girl pants” and am wearing some pants I haven’t fit into for over 3 years. I am still between sizes in my shirts though. They aren’t as roomy as I would like them. Like I said in my last blog- why is the belly the last place to go…? Once I get back to the YMCA full time I hope the belly will reduce. We’ll see!
Well, until the next inspiration hits, I pray this has given you some insights to the daily process that takes place in a weight loss surgery patient. It is a day by day, step by step, inch by inch, pound by pound journey. You can’t walk it any faster and sometimes it feels like the escalator is at a stand still, but the scenery does eventually change and the days get better and the body gets stronger. The mental and emotional urges get easier to analyze and direct. Positive thinking and assessment makes the journey much more bearable at the tough moments. I’ll just keep trucking. I hope you do the same in your life’s journey.
When we get tangled up in our problems, be still.
God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
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