I'm slow in writing this week because I haven't cared about it. It seems like everything has been put on a personal hiatus this week. I haven't gone to the YMCA because of other obligations on Monday and Tuesday. This morning I didn't go because my arm shut the alarm off and I woke up enough to reset the alarm and go back to sleep. At least I reset it early enough to get up for work and the pre-work duties I place on myself. I started this week "checking out" by seeing 5 movies in 2 days. Last week was so very frustrating to me and I am not sure why. Everything I did irritated me. Just the fact I breathed irritated me. I just sat back and struggled through it and hoped I didn't irritate those around me too much. I couldn't make myself happy and I certainly found no one else could make me happy either. I hate those weeks.
So I evaluated things. I didn't come up with any astronomical discovery. It just seemed like Tuesday I woke up in a better disposition. So I started to look at the things I'm doing, not doing, need to do, want to do, don't want to do and must do. As is most stuff in my life, it is centered on losing weight, exercising more, relating to others better, thinking of others more and trying to walk closer to God daily. All are difficult. I am strong willed and that will often get in the way of all of them. I hate to give up control.
I read one of my devotions this morning and the following hit me! I hope it will inspire me as I read it over and over and I hope it might inspire someone else by including parts of it in my blog.
Do you ever get tired of making decisions? I do. Every day, decisions line up for my attention. I decide what I'm going to do, how I'll spend my money, and what I'm going to say. Conversely, I make decisions about what I am NOT going to do, spend or say.
One of the biggest challenges I face right now has to do with what I eat.
The problem wasn't what I was eating when I sat down for a meal; it was all the bites that led up to that meal. It was the French fry before dinner and the bite of casserole as I put away the leftovers after dinner. It was the nibble of my son's double cheeseburger, and the extra scoop of dip with my carrots. No, it wasn't the big decisions that hurt my weight loss; it was all the little decisions.
Unfortunately, I had minimized in my mind the potential damage of all those little bites. Yet they added up to derail me from my goal of losing weight that week. The next week I took control of those BLTs (bites, licks, tastes and sips) and had a nice loss.
As I've pondered this reality, I've applied it to other areas of my life. I easily minimize the damage of daily unwise decisions. They aren't sin issues, so I can dismiss them as unimportant. However, when added up, they have a big impact on achieving some of my personal goals. For example, when I make a decision to not read my Bible for one day, there's no noticeable impact. But when I neglect this important part of my spiritual growth repeatedly, I find myself lacking in godly wisdom and discernment.
If you find yourself on a plateau in a certain area of your life, perhaps this truth can apply to you as well. You may be making all the right big decisions, but the little ones are having a cumulative negative impact on you.
Not only that, but I believe God desires to do amazing things through us, and is continually testing us to see if we can handle bigger responsibilities. It's in the arena of little responsibilities that our true dependability is revealed. The truth is those little decisions that seem minor, and inconsequential, really do matter. They matter to me as I pursue personal goals, and they matter to God.
My challenge today is to make every decision count. I ask myself, "Is this decision going to get me closer to my goal, or further away from it?" "Is this decision going to show God I can be trusted with the little things?"
Sometimes I ask this question every hour. Which is why I ate steamed vegetables for dinner, and my family had overstuffed burritos. (Not that it's Thursday night and I'm weighing in Friday morning or anything.)
So this week I am looking at the BLTs (bites, licks, tastes and sips) and looking at the actions I take or don't take and try to fine tune them. I am trying to do that without becoming so obsessed that I lose sight of the motions of life. That is a very fine line! I need to rely on God more for that discernment. I need to rely on God more for the baby steps that lead to the top of the mountain. I need to learn to be content in the moment and release the tight grip I hold on things. I often wish I could find the attitude of "it will all work out, just sit back." If I could just find a way to sit back and use the remote control at the same time. There's that control issue again!!
All the BLTs (regardless of if they are food related or any goal related) affect the final outcome. So I will be careful what bites, licks, tastes and sips I take. I will pray I find myself in a better frame of mind, better determination of goal attainment and able to prioritize my actions to match my goals.
"I'll wait on you God, but can you hurry up?" I hope your decisions are based on the best for you in the long run, but established during the short jaunt.
Adjust to changing times,
but cling to unchanging principles.