Sunday, November 28, 2010

Remind Me

Remind me why I had surgery. As I am facing some tough heath issues again I have to look back and find the blessings. I hope it will get me through the frustrations I am experiencing right now. I have had to give up some of the things I enjoy the most in my daily workouts. I had surgery over 2 years ago because of serious health issues. I found myself on a road to death. The reality hit when I was able to look in the mirror and see a morbidly obese person looking back at me. I didn’t even recognize myself. There are times these days I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person looking back at me. I have come a long way in 2 years. When I get frustrated I have to remember why I had surgery and where I’ve walked and at times ran. I have to remember before surgery I couldn’t even exercise. I have been doing some very limited running in the last month or so and that is probably what has gotten me into the shape I am in. So I have to give up the running, the rowing (which I love) and some of the other things I enjoy, like aqua Zumba. I hope it is just for a limited time, but at this point there is no speculation. I just have to be wise in my thinking and doing. I want to push myself harder than is advisable. I’ve always been a person who had to give 100+% and now I have to back off. It isn’t going to be easy and I know it is going to frustrate me. I need to set some new goals with lower expectations. That won’t be easy either, but if I am going to get healthy again and get past the pain, I will have to do it. Before surgery I existed but wasn’t active in life. Since surgery I have becomes very active and now I have to slow that down. God always knows what is best and I guess at this point He feels it is best to slow down some. So as I face these health issues with uncertainty and times without answers, I will do the best I can to remember why I had surgery! To be healthy and active!

It is what it is, but it will become what you make it.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

It's About The Journey

A good friend wrote in her blog lately that it isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey. I have not written on my blog/update for a month. I haven’t felt inspired. I have been looking at the destination and forgotten about the journey. I felt like if I couldn’t give a rose I wouldn’t write. I have decided the prettiest bouquets are mixed flowers. There are bright brilliant colors, subtle colors, greenery, baby’s breath and even thorns.

My life lately has certainly been a full bouquet. I have had some challenges in my work life, personal relationship life, my spiritual life, my heath and my weight loss life.

My weight has teetered with the same 10 pounds for months. It has been frustrating. It has felt much like before surgery days. I would lose some, gain some, lose some…. Luckily I have not gone past what I was willing to go to. But I also am not willing to stay where I am now. It is so easy to say ”I am going to…” It is hard to walk the walk. I am struggling with the thorns right now. It feels like there are thorns on every horizon.

I think work is leveling off some. This will be a day to day assessment. I am the only one that can influence it and stay above the water level of drowning. Of course those involved play a part, but not the starring role. I am the star and I have to play the part I want. The other people can either be the supporting cast, the villain or the audience. I can name each person in their role. For now, I will take it day by day. I will show up and perform my best.

My personal life is a little trickier. I have to decide what is best for me and go with the decisions I make. This is not always easy because the familiar is so comfortable, even in the midst of the pain and disappointments of life. As the saying goes,”Life must go on. Learn to live with it.” Take the next step and grow from there.

My spiritual life is one of my most frustrating struggles. I want to have a close personal relationship with God, but I am my own worst enemy. I want it now and I want it on my terms. That isn’t always the way it happens. Think about the many different stories in the Bible and how God dealt with people. Many times it took longer than they wanted. Reading the stories makes me think it took longer than I would have wanted. The Israelite wandered for 40 years. This was by their own doing; by not obeying God. I am in the same boat. I often ask for something then turn around and attempt to do things my way because God isn’t quick enough for me. So I have to take a few steps back and I often feel I am losing ground. I have to remember He is always there, always knows best, but also allows me the free will to choose. There lies my stumbling block—my will.

My health, well, it will go at its own pace. The medical world isn’t always on the same time frame as I am. Doctors don’t always do what I want when I want. It is a hurry up and wait situation. It is very frustrating. So for now I have to sit back, be the annoying bee in their bonnet and try to get them to move faster. In the same vein, I can’t just sit back and let the world pass me by. I have to stay focused and continue to work out and live each day to its fullest.

As The Imperials’ song says, “When the water gets high, sail on. When the wind starts to die, sail on. It’s just a matter of minutes ‘til His ship comes to get us and we’ll all get in it. …Just keep your compass set on the SON… We’ve got the Lord in control of our ship and he’ll guide us safely in.”

So in light of all these ramblings, I have come to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason. I may not understand the reasons or the timing or the outcome, but I have to have faith in myself and faith in God. My god is an awesome god. He is the only true God. His name is always in a capital letter. All other gods are in lower case. So I have to put all the challenges of the day in his hands. This is easier to write and think and say but hard to do. So for today, I pray for His guidance, His wisdom and His love to help me make the decisions I need to make in my weight loss, eating habits, determination and patience of life after weight loss surgery.

I have to look to Him to guide me at work and how I relate and deal with each person and situation. I have to look to Him in making decisions in my personal life and dealing with people I come in contact with. I pray He will give me the courage and spirit to make wise decisions. In doing this, my spiritual life will fall into place. Sometimes I think he strips all things (options) away in order to lead us back to Him.

Not every day is going to be a total success, but as long as I am working towards the goal, I am a success. It isn’t about the destination. It’s about the journey. The destination will take care of itself if you have your eyes on the right leader.

"Don't blow the chance when you have the chance to say I love you."
~Oliveia Newton-John~
But don't say it unless you honestly mean it sincerely.