Reflections

This week between some conversations with friends and a graduation at my alma mater (AbileneHigh School), I have been reflecting on life. As I sat in the gymnasium of the high school I attended, I looked around at the familiar sights. I looked at the walk-over where today the pep band plays. When I went to school there it was just a walk-over. As I sat across from the section where the pep band sat when I attended, I remembered the many games I sat there too. I wasn’t in the pep band but my best friend was. I thought about the good times we had at those basketball games. As I reminisced I thought life was carefree then. Although at the time it was happening I sure didn’t think so much of the time. I struggled as a teenager. I struggled with shyness and self-concept. Then I looked down a section or two and saw where I crushed a tooth. I was standing on the pushed in bleachers talking to my boyfriend when the gym teacher yelled, “DeAnn, get over here.” So I jumped down but failed to jump out at the same time and “bit” the concrete wall that the railing was fastened into. My front tooth crumbled ¾ of the way up. Needless to say I didn’t make it to gym class, but I did get the rest of the day off, visiting with the dentist. I still have a ¾ false tooth in the front. As I sat there I thought about how much has changed and how much has stayed the same.

I sat and thought about my own graduation. I don’t remember much about it. I don’t remember if it was in the gym or on the football field. I guess I could dig up pictures and see. I thought about the fact I do not remember the ceremony at all. I don’t remember what was said, what was done, who was valedictorian or salutatorian. I don’t remember who was there. I don’t remember if it was humid, hot, cool, rainy, cloudy or sunny. I just remember I didn’t really want to be there. I wasn’t part of the popular crowd, but I wasn’t shunned by them either. I wasn’t part of the “socially rejected”, but I didn’t shun them. I was in the middle populous. I was an “athletic star” in Middle school, but in high school I lost interest in it. I had limited friends and didn’t feel I was missing much, yet didn’t feel I was part of anything either.

Now I look back at those days and compare them to today. I compare myself to 20 years ago and 15 years ago and 1 year ago. I have always been very shy. I have always been a loner in the sense I don’t mind spending time alone. I don’t “shine” in a crowd. Actually I hate crowds. I avoid them. I am more of a one on one person. At times even that is a struggle. Well, as I said I look at myself and compare myself between today and a year ago. I am less shy and more out-going. I am consciously working on being open to new things and doing new things. I consciously think about how I approach people, situations and why I am there; what is my purpose. I think my relationship in Christ has encouraged that growth. As I grow closer to Him, He gives me more peace in who I am because of whose I am. My self-confidence has improved. Yes, I am still shy at first, but I am certainly more open to talking with people I do not know at all or may only know slightly. I am more comfortable in a situation that is far from my comfort zone. I don’t have to search out that person I know and “tag along” to feel okay with being there.

Part of this transformation is due to my weight loss surgery. I will shout from the rooftop that the best thing next to accepting Christ as my Lord and Savior is having gastric bypass surgery. It has allowed me to view myself in no other way before. It has given me the courage to open up to others. It has given me energy like I have not had since those volleyball and basketball days of middle school. It has given me a positive attitude I have not recognized for so many years I’m not sure I ever had. I have always been fairly positive, but the sky is blue and the grass is green. I don’t have to jump over the fence to the neighbor’s yard. I can be me and feel comfortable being just that. God provided the means financially, mentally, physically and emotionally to have this surgery. He has also provided the growth spiritually. I truly believe if I hadn’t had this surgery I would still be where I was over a year ago; sad, frustrated, lonesome, spiritually broken and seeking in the wrong places. It is through God and his love and my willingness to seek him that I have rounded my whole being. It is through the surgery I have been able to find my footing in this journey called life.

The people I have met through this journey called life have been such a wonderful support; IWLS Ronda, Pam, Jennifer, Dr Hachem, his nurses and staff; my friends in my church cell group, the gals at water aerobics, the church family at New Community Christian Church, etc. I find it just as important to mention the people who have been in my life for many years; my friends Merelyn, Laura and Shawna. They are 3 of my best supporters. My dearest supporters are my parents and my family. I can’t go without mentioning other friends not specifically mentioned yet. They know who they are and how they have played a part in my life. One such friend signed me up for a service at the time of my surgery called “Someone Believes In You!” Every day I get an inspirational story in my email. It was so special of Nancy to tell me how proud of me she was and support me basically daily. I would be amiss to say that encompasses everyone who has supported me. I can’t begin to name them all. I can only say, thank you for helping me grow personally, emotionally, mentally and shirk physically.

As I continue to change and grow in many areas of life I have to look to many people who are friends from years past that aren’t actively present in my life today. One taught me how to be a friend and that there are different types of love and one of those types of love is friendship love, one taught me how important God is in my life, one taught me to be strong and be steady in friendships. I have teachers I can think of that taught me many things. Being shy and lacking in self confidence was hard growing up, but all these people saw something in me that was worth their investment, even when I didn’t believe it. Even my family who are no longer with me physically have played an incomprehensible role in my life.

So as I look back and reflect on my life so far, I think of how much I have to be thankful for. I think of the long way I have come and who is ultimately responsible for that—God. He has placed these people in my life and the circumstances of growing up in my path. He allowed me to think through the benefits of surgery and see they outweighed (pardon the pun) the fears, my own conception of the surgery itself and see the outcome for health. My dear friend Shawna said a couple of weeks ago she was so scared for me because I was killing myself. I never knew she felt that way. I certainly didn’t think that way. I am so sorry for her worries and wish I could take that away. I love her for it!

You see you can’t make it through life without affecting others. So as you reflect on your life, search where you’ve been, where you are now and where you want to be. Remember you are worth the effort you put into life. Live it to the fullest!


Innovative Weight Loss Solutions (Geary CommunityHospital; Junction City, Ks 1-877-260-3064)


Look at life through the windshield not the rear view mirror.