Another Season / Another Reason

It has been 16 months since I decided to have gastric bypass surgery (Feb 14, 2008) and a year since I had my consultation with Innovative Weight Loss Solutions staff and the surgeon (April 23, 2008). I have faced a lot of decisions, changes, challenges, opportunities, hopes and dreams. There are things I have lost and things I have gained (outside of the weight itself).

I look at the things I have lost. I have certainly lost the love affair I had with food. I used to love to eat sweets, eat salty, eat potatoes and carbs, eat large, eat, eat, and eat. I lost the comfort it often brought. It brought comfort from loneliness, boredom, sadness and that persistent pity party. It also brought a way to celebrate, pass time and give to others. Now I must mourn the loss and move on. I have found alternate ways to cope with all these emotions and actions.

I gave myself permission to grieve the loss. Once I mourned, I chose to pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward. Self-pity equals self sabotage. Most of my mourning was done before surgery. I “practiced” what I would have to implement as a new lifestyle months before actual surgery. This made the transition after surgery so much easier. I am not saying not eating when bored or sad or lonely is easy. But I am saying it is part of the new lifestyle I choose to live. It is a daily choice.

I had to make a decision to face forward instead of staying in the “status quo” or looking back to the past. By facing forward rather than backwards, I’ve found that change offers new hope and opportunity. The “status quo” and the comfort it brought wasn’t healthy for me. The decision to face forward, move forward and live forward takes courage. Courage I must rely on with every decision to turn away from the old and live with the new. This new means I must deny the desire to eat the wrong stuff, do the wrong stuff and have the wrong attitude. I have found that attitude is 90% of the battle. It takes courage to face forward. Courage is a choice.

I must be open to change. I can’t compare new opportunities to old opportunities. Instead, I must recognize that new opportunities sometimes have very different benefits from old ones. New opportunities often fulfill different needs in different ways. I have to be open to alternate ways to be successful in my journey. Those alternate ways have brought about the gains I mentioned above. They bring me joy in ways that I was missing before. The joy of doing things I was no longer able to do such as walk longer, walk with more confidence, get up and down, tie my shoes with the bows on the top, look at life more positively, talk without losing my breath, and be more open to activities and people. The list can go on and on. Being stretched in ways I have avoided because of my weight issues. Not necessarily because I was obese, but because I didn’t have the energy to do things. I didn’t have the desire to be with people. I’ve learned change has allowed me to embrace the challenges with anticipation and desire; with energy and pride. Change is never easy, but it is a choice I’ve made on a daily basis and within an hourly time frame. Each choice I make directs me in the path I will walk.

I must walk through the open doors. Doors with new life, new opportunities, new hopes and new dreams are open to me on this path. Doors that are open through perseverance, desire, God’s guidance, support from others and self-imaging. Doors that didn’t exist before. Oh they existed, I just couldn’t see them. I was blinded by the insecurities of emotions, feelings and actions that my weight and my health entrapped me in. My positive attitude grew in ways I didn’t remember existed.

I was asked this week how I was doing and I said, “If I were any better I would have to be twins.” I truly feel like a new person with new goals and new hopes. I find new confidence in talking with others regardless of if I knew them before or not. I was at a function and a spokesperson had to be chosen in my group. Everyone pointed to me. A year ago this would not have happened because I would have been to “shy” to make the impression that I would even be a spokesperson. Also I wouldn’t have accepted the “position” of spokesperson. But through my growth via this journey I have found myself more comfortable in the role I was placed in. God has given me the confidence. So as those doors have presented themselves, I have chosen to walk through them!

Just as the seasons change from fall to winter; spring to summer, I must change. Often, doors close because we never should have walked through them in the first place. Other times, they close because they were meant only for a season. As I learn new lessons and walk through changing seasons, I must live with courage so I can enjoy the journey.

As my one year anniversary or as I see it, birthday approaches (July 21st); I am excited to plot my journey in this new lifestyle. I am anxious to see where God plans to take me. I am anticipating the new opportunities, the fresh ideas, the new people brought into my path and the growth I know is awaiting my arrival.

I hope as another season in your life presents itself, another reason for embracing it will develop.

Look at life through the windshield not the rear view mirror.