Changing Old Tapes

Two weeks ago I talked about fear. I found this saying in one of my email newsletters. “feel the fear and do it anyway”. The writer was finding her fears and self hate were holding her back. She decided, “I am choosing to change -- despite my fear, despite my doubt.” She talked about self hate being part of our "fat mind." Or to be more politically correct, part of our obesity mindset. We have to address it and face it in order to make “headway” and conquer it. Many times when we make headway we fail to admit it to our self. Or we fail to give ourselves credit and acknowledgment of the progress. Both are steps to facing the fear, overcoming the fear and building our self confidence which in turn eliminates the self hate. I believe most obese people are rooted in a sense of self hate and therefore we have the corrupt tapes in our mindset that we are not worth the time or effort it takes to be healthy. This is why we tend not to make time for exercise and healthy eating.

I also was talking to a gal about my weight loss and surgery. She said she didn’t think she could ever be successful dieting the way she needed to because she was too much in love with carbs (bread, pasta, etc). I thought about what she said and I remember when I was told 2+ years ago to have this surgery that I couldn’t do it. I had several reasons why I couldn’t do it. Some I’ve shared publicly. One I think I have shared with only one other person until just recently. I did not want to have the surgery because of my own self-perceived opinion of the surgery. I saw it as a failure of the person. Well, after much thought and research, etc. I know this not to be true. Once I got the facts it became clear it is much more a failure to not admit the problem(s) of the obese. As I researched I had to face another fear. Could I give up certain eating habits, foods, routines and addictions? All I could think about was 1 oz of food or one cup of food wasn’t much. There is no way I could stop at that and be happy. Well, as time passed and knowledge through research increased, I realized I would learn to adapt to the small portions. I have certainly found that has not been a factor in my journey. Once again, changing the old tapes.

Today (December 21st) marks 5 months since surgery. It has been 6 months since I started the eating portion of this journey. I started the Optifast semi-liquid diet on June 21st. At that time I weighed and measured. I have Hope, my trainer at the YMCA measure me every couple of months. In 6 months I have lost 2 ¾” on the arms, 6 ¾” in the chest, 9 ¼” in the waist, 8” in the hips, 3 ¼” in the thighs and 76 pounds. I am down 2-3 sizes in all articles of clothing. I’ve come a long way baby!!! I still have a long way to go, but changing the old tapes allows me to face the challenge and continue to build a new lifestyle.

My local YMCA had a city wide pound plunge. You did not have to be a member to participate. It was teams of 4 people competing with each other within the team and competing with the other individuals and teams within the competition. There were 871 people who completed the competition losing 9,580 pounds. Wow what an accomplishment. I just pray they all continue the new lifestyle they developed over the 12 week competition! It feels so good to be healthier!

Changing old tapes is not easy. It is much more comfortable to stay in the “rut” of our thinking. They bring us consolation when sad, warmth when hurt, fulfillment when bored, and “support” when we fell unworthy. Those are old tapes of lies. Food can not give us any of those feelings. Only God can give us happiness. We choose to be positive. Of course it is much easier if we rely on God for the will and ability to find that happiness.

As the New Year approaches, make a commitment to yourself to change those old tapes that keep playing in your head telling you you are not worth it. Believe me, you are worth it. IT'S OKAY TO PUT YOUR WEIGHT LOSS NEEDS FIRST!!! Don’t be swayed by friends and family to go against what you need to take care of you. Weight loss surgery (WLS) is not the easy way out. It is not a sign of failure. It is a tool to a healthy lifestyle which you will have to use correctly, just like any tool you would use to build something important and lasting.

Have a wonderful Christmas.

"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."
~Eleanor Roosevelt~