Sometimes frustration and success go hand in hand. The last 5 weeks I have been working with Ronda at IWLS (Innovative Weight Loss Solutions) on a program called "Back on Track" (BOT). It is an intense 6 week program to get the bariatric weight loss patient back on track; although it would work for the non-bariatric person as well. I had wandered so far off track I was lost in old habits. Eating had become out of control. Ronda told me this program would get me back where I needed to be. She also told me it had a lot of documentation. Boy, she didn't lie. She failed to emphasize it would also involve a lot of honesty and soul searching. This program has you setting goals, changing habits, establishing and enhancing your exercise program and reestablishing your eating. Let me tell you about my progress in this program.
Over the last 3 weeks I have completely over-hauled my eating. I have cut my portion sizes back to the proper proportions. I was eating 2-3 portion sizes and now am back to one portion. It is easy to get out of control. A portion of meat (3oz) easily becomes 3 portions (12oz). Just take a chicken breast for example. I would eat a chicken breast and call it a portion. Once I weighed it, I discovered it was averaging 9-12oz a chicken breast. There lies America's dilemma.
I have weighed, measured and counted for the last 3 weeks. I have planned menus and been diligent in being conscious about my eating. This week has been a challenge. For the 1st 2 weeks I was eating protein and non-starchy vegetables only. This week I was allowed to put other things back into my diet. So I sat down and read my material for the week and quickly became frustrated. I will share a little of my week's observations and feelings with you. I will rely on my journaling to take you inside my thinking and feelings.
Jennifer (dietician) says I need to eat more food because my calorie count is too low for the amount of exercising I do. I don't feel tired or exhausted. Dr Hachem wants me to take in less than 1000 calories and Ronda has allotted me 1200 calories. Jennifer suggests 1200. I have to keep my fat count, carb count and protein count at a certain percentage in regards to my calorie intake. If I add certain foods they may trigger a gain or cravings, but I am now allowed some of those foods. Jennifer tells me as I add these foods my calorie intake will increase, which is what she is looking for. I on the other hand want to continue to lose weight so I fear adding these foods. It has become a catch 22 situation that had become very frustrating to me. I wrote, "Some days being fat was so much easier. Do I increase calories? Do I not increase calories? How do I increase calories without increasing fat and carbs? How do I take in more calories when I am already eating more often than I want? How do I keep within portion sizes and increase the calories? Too many questions for my brain! Before I was eating wrong, now I'm still eating wrong. Maybe there are no answers." As I gave up for the day and went with the status quo and allowed myself to feel the frustration, journal instead of eating (my old habit was to eat past the "crisis") and think about what was going on in my head. I was able to settle down. I slept on the "problem". I knew giving up was not an option and I would have to adjust something. I woke up with an entirely different perspective. I realized part of the problem was my perfectionist nature of all or nothing. A thought popped into my head. One word—TRUST. I needed to trust God first. I needed to trust the Back on Track program. I needed to trust Ronda, Jennifer and myself. I needed to trust it would get better with time if I just followed the program. Just hang on and get past this "bump in the road". I don't have to be perfect ALL the time. Some days I will fall short. This is true with anything in life, not just eating.
I do feel like I am back on track. I have made great progress in weight, eating and new habits. I have thrown off old habits that I latched onto again after a year of surgery. Yes, I know there will come a day I will eat beyond only proteins and non-starchy vegetables. As that time comes I will have to make choices from things that got me back in trouble 9 months ago. I pray for the wisdom. I also pray I lean on my new habits. BOT has broken the cycle of craving carbs. It has broken the cycle of eating out of control. As I add some of those carb foods (fruit, grains, cereal, wheat pasta, milk, yogurt, etc) I will monitor its effects on my cravings and weight. I will stay on top of everything this time and NOT take the 1st bite of the "forbidden foods" (sweets, desserts, crackers, white breads,
etc.) It was those forbidden foods I knew I should never have taken the 1st bite of that got me in the dark pit I was in. As my appetite returns and increases I will have to eat because I am hungry and not because I am bored or don't want to deal with a certain feeling. That is part of my new habits I have formed during BOT. Right now I rarely feel hungry. I am in the infancy stage, like right after surgery. I eat by clock to keep my metabolism up. Adding certain foods will push me into another stage, just like after surgery. When I am ready to move forward I will do it wisely and with the knowledge I have gained over the last 5 weeks. It all comes down to wise choices! This is true for anyone, not just the weight loss patient. It just seems I am more focused than the average person. I want to be healthy and that requires a conscious effort to be such. If it didn't need to use a conscious effort, I would never have been overweight to start with.
In essence, thank you God, BOT, Ronda and my diligence to succeed and be as healthy as I can be.
"To Hear with my heart, to see with my soul
To be guided by a hand I cannot hold
To trust in a way that I cannot see
That's what faith must be."
~Michael Card~
"That's What Faith Must Be"
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