Here are some random phrases and thoughts to mark my progress in the last 6 weeks. I started the Back on Track Program with Ronda at IWLS six weeks ago. I have finished it with FANTASTIC results! I not only lost weight, but gained my lifestyle of choice back! I have new habits and a positive outlook again! The formal program may be finished, but the end result has just begun.
"So much of my anguish is caused by my own resistance." ~Pam Vredevelt~ "Angel Behind The Rocking Chair". I think of my resistance to change. I resisted giving up my favorite foods for years. Then I had surgery. Then I gave up those foods for about a year. Then I got back into the habit of eating them again and eating for all the wrong reasons. I resisted changing those habits for about 8 months. I was in such anguish over the non-progress I was in because of that resistance. Well, over the last month I have gotten back on track and am in such a better place mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I had to stop resisting what I didn't want to face.
"The growth process is a series of advances and retreats". Being a perfectionist has hindered my ability to take 2 steps forward and then accept the one step backwards. Through this last 6 weeks I have learned I don't have to have "all or nothing". Sometimes I just have to accept the status quo and even at times less. I know I will revert back to the perfectionist mentality at times, but I think I have gained a foundation to be able to step back (retreat) and reassess at a healthier level in order to advance. I will do this by using the tools my weight loss surgery has given me, the tools God provides for me through others, medical avenues and knowledge. There is no bag of tricks with this process. This knowledge I have gained is only another tool I must use properly and consistently in order to be healthy. For many years I tried by my own will power and made no lasting progress. God provides outside himself through many other avenues and I have to use what he provides to assist me to succeed. He is the ultimate worker of miracles. Weight loss for me was a miracle because I had tried everything for over 20 years. But I have to participate in the miracle to make it happen. God fills the jar with wine, but I have to bring the jars to Him to fill. God healed the sick, but the sick had to be willing to come to him and ask for healing and believe. God provided the tools for surgery such as financial means, determination, IWLS, etc. Now I must use those tools to the best of my abilities. Of course the biggest tool is God himself, but I have to tap into Him. "Wisdom is the application of knowledge" ~Helen Kaitlyn Barclay~
"Emotional eating has nothing to do with food." It is not about the food anymore. It is about recapturing happy memories, feeling safe, loved and having it together. I have relied on emotional eating most of my life. This is why we call certain foods "comfort foods". It got to a place where it no longer felt comfortable. I no longer felt comfortable being in my own skin. Now I have the knowledge to discern between natural hunger and emotional hunger. This isn't to say it still isn't my preference to rely on the food for that comfort, but I have learned new habits to rely on God for that comfort, that fulfillment and that power to overcome the emotional fill of food. At times "discernment is like driving an automobile at night; the headlights cast only enough light for us to see the next small bit of road immediately in front of us. But that light is enough to take us home." (from "Listening Hearts")
Wishing is safe and tidy. I can wish for success and wrap that wish in a neat little package to myself. I have to desire that wish to evolve. I pray God will give my desire feet. Unless I am willing to put forth the effort and run the race and strive for the goal, it is only a wish, and will never become a reality. Sometimes that race isn't tidy. Sometimes it is hard and dirty work. Discipline is required. Discipline is a long distance race. I am in it for the long haul!
In the wings waits a new life. I took the steps to retain that life through weight loss surgery 20 ½ months ago. Also by participating in Back on Track with Ronda at IWLS. But most importantly by finding the "wind beneath my wings" in the breath of God's love. Now is the time to grow, retreat and advance; use the wisdom and tools God has provided and discern where He is leading me in this journey. I have a grip back on the important things in life. Food is not it. People are. Goals are. Progress is. Wishing is safe, but my desire has to have feet running towards the dream and I must wish beyond the concept and put forth the effort and daily application of the knowledge God has given me. I put these tasks in the hands of God as He leads me towards my ultimate goals!
Living in the light is one of the most difficult tasks we have.
It means getting out of the way so there is no shadow blocking the source.
~Luci Swindoll~
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