New Vision

Wow, it’s been 2 weeks since I have blogged. I just hadn’t felt like it 2 weeks ago. I had no inspiration for anyone. The week before that was a simple “No words of wisdom, inspirations or enlightment this week. Just breathing in and breathing out.” At that point that was all I was able to do. Then the next week I was computer-less due to switching internet providers and major difficulty in getting both computers hooked up and working. I was ready to declare defeat and be a computer-less family. We have finally gotten both computers up and running (once a computer tech came out and “counseled” the router and modem. They refused to communicate with each other. They have been set straight.).

This week was plagued with poor health. I got the famous “knock you on your butt common cold”. No H1N1 flu bug. Just an old fashioned in your nose on your chest common cold. I am not one to take off work. If I can do my job, I am there. Well, this week ended with my last 3 workdays in bed. I even had to miss my IWLS support meeting in Junction City. I hated that! This is the 1st day I have been up all day and feel fairly good. I would say “normal”, but just what is normal? There is an up side to being sick---lose weight. I lost 10 pounds in the last 3 days. It is amazing what a straight diet of chicken & noodle soup will do. I don’t recommend it as a way of life, but when it is the only thing that sounds good and tastes great, it is the way to go. Just imagine if I had had the strength to exercise! I still don’t have the energy to exercise and will play it day by day. I’m anxious to get back to the “Y”, but won’t push myself backwards.

Now to get back in the routine of eating and eating healthy. I feel a little better and think I may be on a roll. I don’t want to disrupt the momentum by eating unintelligently. Maybe I need to plan a week of liquid diet every so often. It gives my pouch a rest. I ate “regular” food tonight and found I felt full with less food and listened to the pouch much more intently than I have been in some time. Old habits had been sneaking in. I pray I will continue to call the old habits on the carpet and walk the other way. I pray I will continue to listen to my pouch before it screams abuse. I only have 12 pounds to lose by January now. This week will be the test now that I feel like eating something beside soup. God lead me. “Jesus, Take The Wheel”.

I think I have realized when I get into a rut or routine that is unhealthy I need to stop, take a step back and reevaluate immediately. It is so easy to procrastinate. It is especially easy for a perfectionist because there is the fear of failing “again”. See I failed when I reverted to the old habits, so to try to change them and fail at changing back to the good habits is a double fail. The mind is a crazy thing. If I just was strong enough to turn it over to God and let him…..Maybe this small health set back was the only way He was able to say, “Yo, DeAnn, I’m here. I’m in control. Let it go and let me.”

Surgery is the most positive thing I have done in my life behind accepting Christ. To throw it all away for old bad habits and think it made me feel better is my 1st mistake. Feelings are momentary and situational. The healthy eating, healthy lifestyle filled with exercise, good food, positive thinking and positive momentum is the only way. Being led by God in that journey is where I made my progress for a year. I chose to take it all back to my own doing. I guess I didn’t take care of it myself too well, huh? So today we start a new journey. I will pick up where I left off—holding tight to God and letting him lead me. “Jesus, take the wheel. Take it from my hands. Cause I can't do this on my own”

It will require from me to keep my calories in correct amount, keeping my carbs at 30g a meal (not an item), my protein at 70-85 a day. The protein is not a problem for me. Yes I can tolerate sugar, but I can’t eat it. Therefore 6g or less of sugar. It is up to me to rely on God by asking him to keep my emotional eating and my emotional warfare (guilt, rationalizing, giving in, etc) in tact. Only he can do it! Control by my own means is only an illusion. I lose every time.

I am at step one again. Clean slate, clear goals, clean plate! A smaller plate with real portions and purer foods.

Let the journey reconvene.


Failure?
I never encountered it.
All I ever met were temporary setbacks.
~Dottie Walters~