Reminiscing and Progressing

This week I started back at the YMCA with my weights and cardio program. It has been since before surgery that I have done any of this. I got back with my trainer and told her I wanted to tone the abs and get rid of the sagging. She was excited and as her name is legacy to (Hope) that is what she instilled. She got me back into a regime with 5 of the weight resistance machines to focus on the abs and arms. She started me on some ab exercises using an exercise balance ball. Of course I will begin again with the bike and ARC machine for the cardio. She has started me slow and with less weight than I was doing. I will work my way back up. As I was doing my sets and regime I started to think about this journey I began 2 years ago.

In 2006 when my neurologist said I had to have gastric bypass surgery I weighed my heaviest, 297 pounds. I was humiliated, felt hopeless and in great pain both physically and now emotionally. I remember crying thinking; he doesn’t care and just wants me to feel bad. I thought; He can’t be serious. I can’t be that overweight. I surely have some other options. I can’t do surgery. There has to be another way! I remember reading my medical records I had obtained for an appointment with a specialist and seeing “Morbid Obesity”. I thought; What?! Are they serious? How can they be so cold? In that feeling of shame, I made a commitment to myself to do whatever it took to lose weight. I was determined that gastric bypass was not the road for me and I was going to show him and everyone. I knew I needed to face my problems with food, change my behavior and the long lived habit of relying on food for comfort and as my dear friend. I believed that I had choices available to me. Within the week I joined Weight Watchers. I stuck with Weight Watchers for over a year and never reached my 10%. It was extremely frustrating. Once again the feeling of humiliation and shame overcame me. I thought; why isn’t this successful? I know people have been successful on Weight Watchers, why can’t I be? It was at that time I realized I had to face the facts, bite the bullet and be honest with myself. I took a long look in the mirror and at several pictures. I literally looked myself in the eye and said, “DeAnn, you are morbidly obese. You have to do something about it or you are going to die.” It was at that very second I knew I had exhausted all my options and had been unsuccessful. That was unacceptable for me. So I began talking to my best friend, seriously thinking about what I was willing to do and what I was willing to give up or modify. I began my many hours of research on the internet, reading many books, magazine articles, watching actual surgeries on the internet, etc. I sat myself down and took an honest evaluation of myself, my life, and my surmounting health issues and admitted I had exhausted every other option. In order to save myself and live life to the fullest I would have to have the surgery. It was at that moment, for the 1st time in many years I truly felt hopeful about resolving my health issues. I honestly believed this route would be the tool I needed to love myself in the way I deserved. This was the lifestyle option I needed to live fully and not just exist in a state of exhaustion and routine.

I think movement is going to be very important to my weight loss. I plan to work out in the gym 2-3 times a week, mixing cardio and resistance, to help tighten and firm loose skin. I plan to do water aerobics 2-3 times a week. I have to schedule it and make it a priority like I would a doctor’s appointment or a lunch date. It will be important to form the habit now while it is “easy” to lose the weight. They call it the “honeymoon period”. It is as important as getting my eating habits established. These habits not only include how I eat (slow, thorough chewing, small bites with appropriate portions), but also why I eat, the type of foods I eat and the times I eat; eliminating the snacking.

It is also important to surround myself with supporters. This not only includes family and friends, but professionals. I have 2 chiropractors that are very interested in my progress. I think they are enjoying watching the transformation and the learning process. My primary doctor is the same. They are so enthusiastic about this journey. My trainer at the YMCA is as I said earlier, very inspiring and excited about my loss. Of course some of the biggest supporters are the staff at IWLS. They are jewels and worth more than a million bucks. They are positive, enthusiastic, uplifting, inspiring and present for every step. So far I have been lucky enough not to have opposition from any family or friends who would rather I stay heavy. I pray that will continue through this journey. I know it is a possibility and I will cross that bridge when it presents itself.

I also know it is very important to be realistic. Part of that realism is allowing my supporters to be open and honest with me. This will include times when they point out a stumble, refresh my memory of a goal, bring my vision and expectations into the boundaries of reality and sometimes even bring up a character trait that may hinder my progress. Thank God for my supporters. I pray I can help another obese person find success. Together we can accomplish much.

Small actions lead to big results.