Tuesday, July 10, 2012

A Silent Year and Half

Silent A Year and a Half 7/10/12 It is my 4th anniversary of weight loss surgery (7/21/12). My surgery was a life altering experience. More so than I ever imagined. I went through an elation period (honeymoon phase). I coasted for some time and then the frustration time, just like anyone else struggling with weight. Now I am hoping to get back on track, settle into this lifestyle and do it successfully, knowing I will have the tough times. It has effected every area of my life. Physically I can do so much more, yet less than I was able to 2 years ago. I have some health issues I thought would be taken care of, but for some reason it isn’t and in reality probably has nothing to do with the weight. Some of my weight issues have to do with some medication to take care of the health issues. Yet I must be honest with myself and accept a lot of the weight issues I face now has to do with my dedication to my new lifestyle, or lack of dedication. My overall choices affect my overall attitude and success which affects my overall choices. It has affected me emotionally and mentally. I remember a couple years ago a friend telling me I seemed so much more confident. At that time I did. Now I am not as confident and I know it is because of the weight gain and the way I feel physically. I know it is because of the disappointment I feel in myself. It will return when I get back on track and work this thing. Confidence will return to the level I once experienced when I lose some weight and feel better. One day at a time! I didn’t lose this weight in one day. I didn’t regain it in one day and I won’t re-lose it in one day. It is the ups and downs that get frustrating. I am an instant gratification person, like many of us and it is hard to stay focused for the long haul. Then there is spiritually. I have been on the mountain top and felt so close to God. Now I am struggling in the valley. I know God is still there and I just need to reach out and grab his hand. All of us feel that way. I relied on God to be able to afford surgery 4 years ago and I relied on God to keep me on track. Now I have to rely on him again. I am so used to thinking I can do it on my own. My prayer is I find that sense of need for Him on a daily basis and not just an event basis. I am still glad I had surgery! I would do it again if I had to. I wouldn’t be where I am today or where I was at my lowest weight if it weren’t for this surgery. God blessed me with the opportunity to have surgery and the wisdom to take that opportunity. Now I must get back on track with the wisdom I have gained from the surgery. With God beside me and me taking him with me, I will get back to where I once was, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Give me a challenger that just might have the strength to take me down, But give me the confidence to believe I will remain the champion. ~DeAnn M Cornwell~

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