Reminiscences

Reminiscences    

This has been a week of reflection brought on by the anticipation of a Saturday event. The reflection brought on a lot of thoughts and feelings which led to the writing of this:

 

DOORS

There is a knock on the door

I have kept locked for some time.

If I open the door

what will I find?

Tears.

Fears.

Laughter and

joy.

Feelings bundled

and kept at bay.

Small doors of my heart keep opening

and the closed up hurt and tears

come pouring out.

As each door opens

a small bit of healing occurs.

 

This Saturday we celebrated the graduation of my youngest niece from college. I was filled with pride for her. It brought on pride about many areas in my life. I have focused the last few days on pride. I am so proud of my progress in growing. I am also proud of the people in my life. I think of all the support I get from those around me. I will share a few of my thoughts from this week as I reminisced.

 

I am proud of the progress I have made in my weight loss journey. This pride is not just centered on the pounds I've lost, but in the health I have gained. It is in the activity level I have obtained, going to the YMCA daily and exercising as I have never been able to do before. The activities I can do now that I couldn't a couple of years ago, such as participating in family gatherings and helping with preparations. I helped my sister and niece prepare for her graduation reception. This is something I would not have been able to do before my last year and half journey.

 

I began to think about areas in my life that have been a challenge for me. I have talked openly in this blog about my struggle with dealing with feelings. Over the last few months I have struggled with them head on. Some have been happy feelings and some sad feelings. Some easy to recall and some difficult to face. I hate to cry regardless of if they are sad, angry, hurtful tears or happy tears. This Saturday as I watched my youngest niece walk across the stage to receive her reward for her college journey, I was filled with happy tears, but they were as difficult to release for me as the sad ones. I have been trying to embrace all of them in my heart as they surface.

 

I think back to a time in the mid 90's that was very difficult. Daily I was faced with a situation I hated and challenged me in so many areas of my life. Through that challenge it cemented a very special friendship I still treasure to this day.

 

I think about the support I gain from my support group at IWLS. Although I do not have any strong friendships there, I do connect with a few people on a monthly basis. It is their encouragement and comments that lend to the feeling of support. I pray I offer that to them for the short time each month we connect.     

 

I think of how I hate change. It is scary when things are different than what we are comfortable with. But I also know it is through those changes that we grow. As the scenery changes and people change and move in and out of our lives, I try to walk through the changes and reach out as they pass. Hoping to grasp a little something I can tuck away in the memory banks of my mind. I try to embrace them in my heart. I know it is through this embracing that when the knock on the door comes, I can open the door, face the feeling and allow the healing and rejoicing to flow.

 

 

"The constitution only guarantees the American people

the right to pursue happiness.

You have to catch it yourself.

~ Benjamin Franklin~