Apathy = A passive force that lulls you to sleep. It can be an aggressive force that works to prevent you from keeping what is most meaningful and important. Apathy causes you to lose what you want most.
The fire within dies as the actions without die.
Sometimes our GREATEST weakness is our success. We get comfortable and settled. We rely on our success to pull us through our future goals. We rest on our laurels.
Comfort over sacrifice. I’m healthy so let’s just stop working it. We stop working it because our surgery has been doing the work. How long will that work propel us to success in the future?
As the success slows down and slowly dies we must refocus. We must stoke the actions to reignite the fire. What actions am I talking about?
Exercise
Healthy eating
Wise food choices
64 oz of water
Proper amounts of protein
Proper amounts of carbs
Proper amounts of calories
Proper portion sizes
Pouch rules
Stoke those actions and the fire to success in order to meet the goals will be flamed and ablaze once again.
I NEED to have a WANT. I need to want to succeed. I need to want to work it. I need to want to be honest with myself. I need to want to reach new goals. I need to want all these more than I want what I think I need. I need to figure out what is a need for my body and what is a want for my mind. I have started emotional eating more as time passes. It is so easy to get lax in my success and think it will continue without the effort it took to get there.
Live the new lifestyle. Embrace it as a way of life and not another diet I must follow in order to succeed. Allow food to become a means to life, but not as a life of it own. I have become so consumed with food thoughts I have forgotten to live. I worry about what I should eat, what I have eaten, what I need to eat, when I will eat next, should I eat next and so much more. I feel like I am back to square one before surgery. I hate the counting and measuring, but I have to realize this is just the process of life for anyone. Once you become proficient with it you don’t have to count and measure, but you look and know. Getting to that point is frustrating, but I have to remember it is part of the process.
I have struggled for many months now. When I had surgery and for the 1st nine months it was easy to be motivated, inspired and enthusiastic. As time goes by and the comfortableness of success settles in the laxness and laziness of life creeps back in as well. The old habits become comfortable again. The alertness fades and the mindfulness is taken over by the mindless. My actions are often performed before I realize they have been. So for another week my goal is to become more mindful of what I think, feel and do. I will focus on the goals at hand and remember it took me months to get here and it won’t be overnight I will get back to where I want to be.
First I have to figure out what my need is and make it my want. I know where I need to be headed. Now to figure out how to make that need more of a want than the want of the moment.
I apologize to you who have looked to me for inspiration. The last few months haven’t been inspiring to you or me. I am struggling just to remain above water-to remain afloat. I have watched my weight decrease and increase within the same 3-5 pounds for months. I have been frustrated with my progress or lack thereof. I have been frustrated with not being able to get a grip on my cravings, my actions, me choices, my wants. I have felt like a failure. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was supposed to continue to reign on the top and fly with the eagles. Instead I am walking the walk of the ordinary and I must face the choices I have to make and make them for the best I can be. Hang with me and I pray I will figure out what the want needs to be and make it a need I want to achieve. I pray it becomes more of a desire than the desire to eat the wrong thing, not exercise hard enough, make the wrong choices, and become apathetic to the goals. I will try to stoke the fire and bring the desires ablaze and work for success to become more important than the instant gratification of the moment. I will work towards “eating to live and not living to eat.”
“Youth may be admired for vigor, but gray hair gives prestige to old age.” Proverbs 20:29
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Warmer Weather Warmer Outlook
Warmer weather has brought warmer thoughts. I have spent the last 2 weeks fairly sick. I have not been able to exercise due to no energy and trying to get in a little extra sleep. I don’t look for that to change much this week. I am on my 2nd round of antibiotics and they do seem to be helping. It is just the normal fall cold, but in my case it kicked me hard. The first week I missed 3 days of work. I never miss work, so I had to be very sick. The second week I struggled to make it through the full days of work, but there are several of us out sick, so I felt if I could do the job I needed to be there. Now this week is a 4 day week then I start vacation, so if I can just plug through until the end! Coughing is still the biggest factor and it can wear you out.
I placed 3rd in the top 5 females at the Salina YMCA Pound Plunge. Of course I feel a little guilty because I lost the 8 pounds because I was sick and ate chicken and noodle soup 3 days. I won a certificate for a premium salad at McDonalds. At least the prize is something healthy. Maybe I’ll check out a grilled chicken salad with dressing on the side. I weighed this week thinking I would gain 4-5 pounds because I ate “normal” food this week. I must have been intelligent about it because I only gained 2 pounds. So I will plug along and strive to lose and get back on top.
The warmer weather is encouraging! It makes one want to get out and walk, rock in the rocker on the front porch, throw a football, move about, rake leaves (okay, maybe I’m going overboard there), but it does encourage some positive desires to a healthier movement. I just hate that the cold is just around the corner. I doubt I find the same enthusiasm for shoveling show, walking in the snow, rocking in the snow, etc. The “Y” will have to be my exercise base.
I am still doing a better job of listening to my pouch and it’s signaling me that I am getting full. I seem to be back on track to know when to stop, even if all the food isn’t off my plate yet. That had become a big issue for me in the last few months. I feel like I am back at step one in some ways with the new lifestyle. I guess that is all part of life, starting over and gaining strength again and again. I have been making better food choices and portion choices the last week. I still have a long way to go to get back to my original enthusiasm and consciousness of eating healthy, but I am walking in the right direction again.
Thank you to everyone for your support. When one gets down and frustrated it is hard to get back over the hump. In the last few months I am sure you have noticed that frustration and lack of positive outlook. I know I have and have hated it! I hope I am finally pointed back in the right direction and getting on the right track. Thank you for hanging in there for me! I know I have a long way to go, but one step at a time. This week found a small gain in weight, but also a small leap in reserve and momentum. I just have to remember to look up and rely on the one that can do it-God!
When I say "No way." God says, "My way".
I placed 3rd in the top 5 females at the Salina YMCA Pound Plunge. Of course I feel a little guilty because I lost the 8 pounds because I was sick and ate chicken and noodle soup 3 days. I won a certificate for a premium salad at McDonalds. At least the prize is something healthy. Maybe I’ll check out a grilled chicken salad with dressing on the side. I weighed this week thinking I would gain 4-5 pounds because I ate “normal” food this week. I must have been intelligent about it because I only gained 2 pounds. So I will plug along and strive to lose and get back on top.
The warmer weather is encouraging! It makes one want to get out and walk, rock in the rocker on the front porch, throw a football, move about, rake leaves (okay, maybe I’m going overboard there), but it does encourage some positive desires to a healthier movement. I just hate that the cold is just around the corner. I doubt I find the same enthusiasm for shoveling show, walking in the snow, rocking in the snow, etc. The “Y” will have to be my exercise base.
I am still doing a better job of listening to my pouch and it’s signaling me that I am getting full. I seem to be back on track to know when to stop, even if all the food isn’t off my plate yet. That had become a big issue for me in the last few months. I feel like I am back at step one in some ways with the new lifestyle. I guess that is all part of life, starting over and gaining strength again and again. I have been making better food choices and portion choices the last week. I still have a long way to go to get back to my original enthusiasm and consciousness of eating healthy, but I am walking in the right direction again.
Thank you to everyone for your support. When one gets down and frustrated it is hard to get back over the hump. In the last few months I am sure you have noticed that frustration and lack of positive outlook. I know I have and have hated it! I hope I am finally pointed back in the right direction and getting on the right track. Thank you for hanging in there for me! I know I have a long way to go, but one step at a time. This week found a small gain in weight, but also a small leap in reserve and momentum. I just have to remember to look up and rely on the one that can do it-God!
When I say "No way." God says, "My way".
Sunday, October 11, 2009
New Vision
Wow, it’s been 2 weeks since I have blogged. I just hadn’t felt like it 2 weeks ago. I had no inspiration for anyone. The week before that was a simple “No words of wisdom, inspirations or enlightment this week. Just breathing in and breathing out.” At that point that was all I was able to do. Then the next week I was computer-less due to switching internet providers and major difficulty in getting both computers hooked up and working. I was ready to declare defeat and be a computer-less family. We have finally gotten both computers up and running (once a computer tech came out and “counseled” the router and modem. They refused to communicate with each other. They have been set straight.).
This week was plagued with poor health. I got the famous “knock you on your butt common cold”. No H1N1 flu bug. Just an old fashioned in your nose on your chest common cold. I am not one to take off work. If I can do my job, I am there. Well, this week ended with my last 3 workdays in bed. I even had to miss my IWLS support meeting in Junction City. I hated that! This is the 1st day I have been up all day and feel fairly good. I would say “normal”, but just what is normal? There is an up side to being sick---lose weight. I lost 10 pounds in the last 3 days. It is amazing what a straight diet of chicken & noodle soup will do. I don’t recommend it as a way of life, but when it is the only thing that sounds good and tastes great, it is the way to go. Just imagine if I had had the strength to exercise! I still don’t have the energy to exercise and will play it day by day. I’m anxious to get back to the “Y”, but won’t push myself backwards.
Now to get back in the routine of eating and eating healthy. I feel a little better and think I may be on a roll. I don’t want to disrupt the momentum by eating unintelligently. Maybe I need to plan a week of liquid diet every so often. It gives my pouch a rest. I ate “regular” food tonight and found I felt full with less food and listened to the pouch much more intently than I have been in some time. Old habits had been sneaking in. I pray I will continue to call the old habits on the carpet and walk the other way. I pray I will continue to listen to my pouch before it screams abuse. I only have 12 pounds to lose by January now. This week will be the test now that I feel like eating something beside soup. God lead me. “Jesus, Take The Wheel”.
I think I have realized when I get into a rut or routine that is unhealthy I need to stop, take a step back and reevaluate immediately. It is so easy to procrastinate. It is especially easy for a perfectionist because there is the fear of failing “again”. See I failed when I reverted to the old habits, so to try to change them and fail at changing back to the good habits is a double fail. The mind is a crazy thing. If I just was strong enough to turn it over to God and let him…..Maybe this small health set back was the only way He was able to say, “Yo, DeAnn, I’m here. I’m in control. Let it go and let me.”
Surgery is the most positive thing I have done in my life behind accepting Christ. To throw it all away for old bad habits and think it made me feel better is my 1st mistake. Feelings are momentary and situational. The healthy eating, healthy lifestyle filled with exercise, good food, positive thinking and positive momentum is the only way. Being led by God in that journey is where I made my progress for a year. I chose to take it all back to my own doing. I guess I didn’t take care of it myself too well, huh? So today we start a new journey. I will pick up where I left off—holding tight to God and letting him lead me. “Jesus, take the wheel. Take it from my hands. Cause I can't do this on my own”
It will require from me to keep my calories in correct amount, keeping my carbs at 30g a meal (not an item), my protein at 70-85 a day. The protein is not a problem for me. Yes I can tolerate sugar, but I can’t eat it. Therefore 6g or less of sugar. It is up to me to rely on God by asking him to keep my emotional eating and my emotional warfare (guilt, rationalizing, giving in, etc) in tact. Only he can do it! Control by my own means is only an illusion. I lose every time.
I am at step one again. Clean slate, clear goals, clean plate! A smaller plate with real portions and purer foods.
Let the journey reconvene.
Failure?
I never encountered it.
All I ever met were temporary setbacks.
~Dottie Walters~
This week was plagued with poor health. I got the famous “knock you on your butt common cold”. No H1N1 flu bug. Just an old fashioned in your nose on your chest common cold. I am not one to take off work. If I can do my job, I am there. Well, this week ended with my last 3 workdays in bed. I even had to miss my IWLS support meeting in Junction City. I hated that! This is the 1st day I have been up all day and feel fairly good. I would say “normal”, but just what is normal? There is an up side to being sick---lose weight. I lost 10 pounds in the last 3 days. It is amazing what a straight diet of chicken & noodle soup will do. I don’t recommend it as a way of life, but when it is the only thing that sounds good and tastes great, it is the way to go. Just imagine if I had had the strength to exercise! I still don’t have the energy to exercise and will play it day by day. I’m anxious to get back to the “Y”, but won’t push myself backwards.
Now to get back in the routine of eating and eating healthy. I feel a little better and think I may be on a roll. I don’t want to disrupt the momentum by eating unintelligently. Maybe I need to plan a week of liquid diet every so often. It gives my pouch a rest. I ate “regular” food tonight and found I felt full with less food and listened to the pouch much more intently than I have been in some time. Old habits had been sneaking in. I pray I will continue to call the old habits on the carpet and walk the other way. I pray I will continue to listen to my pouch before it screams abuse. I only have 12 pounds to lose by January now. This week will be the test now that I feel like eating something beside soup. God lead me. “Jesus, Take The Wheel”.
I think I have realized when I get into a rut or routine that is unhealthy I need to stop, take a step back and reevaluate immediately. It is so easy to procrastinate. It is especially easy for a perfectionist because there is the fear of failing “again”. See I failed when I reverted to the old habits, so to try to change them and fail at changing back to the good habits is a double fail. The mind is a crazy thing. If I just was strong enough to turn it over to God and let him…..Maybe this small health set back was the only way He was able to say, “Yo, DeAnn, I’m here. I’m in control. Let it go and let me.”
Surgery is the most positive thing I have done in my life behind accepting Christ. To throw it all away for old bad habits and think it made me feel better is my 1st mistake. Feelings are momentary and situational. The healthy eating, healthy lifestyle filled with exercise, good food, positive thinking and positive momentum is the only way. Being led by God in that journey is where I made my progress for a year. I chose to take it all back to my own doing. I guess I didn’t take care of it myself too well, huh? So today we start a new journey. I will pick up where I left off—holding tight to God and letting him lead me. “Jesus, take the wheel. Take it from my hands. Cause I can't do this on my own”
It will require from me to keep my calories in correct amount, keeping my carbs at 30g a meal (not an item), my protein at 70-85 a day. The protein is not a problem for me. Yes I can tolerate sugar, but I can’t eat it. Therefore 6g or less of sugar. It is up to me to rely on God by asking him to keep my emotional eating and my emotional warfare (guilt, rationalizing, giving in, etc) in tact. Only he can do it! Control by my own means is only an illusion. I lose every time.
I am at step one again. Clean slate, clear goals, clean plate! A smaller plate with real portions and purer foods.
Let the journey reconvene.
Failure?
I never encountered it.
All I ever met were temporary setbacks.
~Dottie Walters~
Sunday, September 27, 2009
No Words of Wisdom
No words of wisdom, inspirations or enlightment this week. Just breathing in and breathing out.
Failure?
I never encountered it.
All I ever met were temporary setbacks.
~Dottie Walters~
Failure?
I never encountered it.
All I ever met were temporary setbacks.
~Dottie Walters~
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Action
This week I enrolled in the Pound Plunge 2009 for Salina. This is a 12 week concentrated effort of a group of people to lose weight and begin a healthier lifestyle. They had their 1st Pound Plunge last year. The main sponsor is the YMCA. Last year they had 1,828 participants register with 1,275 of them being active and 871 of them actually completing the 12 weeks and losing 9,581 pounds total for those 871 people. Wow!!! What an accomplishment! This year there is approximately 1,800 people registered. It will be great to see what we can do!
Last year it was based on teams. I did not participate last year. I felt I was at an unfair advantage to the other participants. Just having surgery I felt I had a tool that would enhance my abilities to lose weight and that would be unfair. Also I am a very solo type person. I did not want to be part of a team. I don't like to rely on others and I hate to have others rely on me in this type of situation. I would hate to let anyone down.
Well this year they have the team enrollment, but they also have an individual enrollment. So I thought it through and I know I no longer have the unfair advantage. The surgery has run its course and I am now just like the "normal" weight loss person. I have to work it all on my own using the tool of my pouch and the tools IWLS has provided me via knowledge. As has been evident in the last month or so I have needed some type of inspiration. I am hoping this year's Pound Plunge is the ticket to that inspiration. I can challenge myself and work the program with the weekly weigh-ins. There is also the incentive of prizes with the Pound Plunge itself. My employer is also providing some prize incentives as well. For me all the prizes are just an added benefit. I want to use the weigh-ins as an official monitor to keep me in check and keep me focused. Something has got to kick in. I need to use a new motto: “When I stumble I will forgive myself and try again.” “Begin again right now. Don’t wait for tomorrow.”
"In the midst of winter, I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer."
~Albert Camus~
This saying is what I am concentrating on. My winter has been the last few months of being frustrated and letting my motivation get stagnant. I am moving into the invincible summer. I am ready to move forward and get back into the healthy mind frame. I am trying to find and establish a “garden” of safety within my being. I need to reconnect with God and give him the control of my self, my actions, my thoughts and my motives. I need to be able to close my eyes and transport myself to that special place I have built with God. A spot I can go to and harmonize with Jesus and get the strength I need to face the demons of old habits, old tapes and old comforts that are not healthy or in my best interest. I need to rely on him to pass up the urge to eat the sweets and the carbs and the too large food portions. I need to reach for his hand to pull me out of bed to exercise, guide me to the other side of the room when I want to stand next to the temptations of the past and the comforts of the emotions I know and understand. I have to grasp his hand as I try to handle the things I can’t overcome; the cravings, the emotional eating, the negative thoughts and negative attitudes of daily life. I need to see the sunshine of every situation. I need to harmonize!
So I will plunge into the 12 week program of Pound Plunge and plunge into the personal program of becoming reliant on God and not on myself. I will train myself to remember the only person who has control of me is me. I pray to give that control to God and allow him to lead me from this day forward. I pray you look into your life and figure out what you need to plunge into. “If you’re breathing, there is still hope.”
The difference between being inspired and struggling with inspiration is one simple thing... ACTION.
Last year it was based on teams. I did not participate last year. I felt I was at an unfair advantage to the other participants. Just having surgery I felt I had a tool that would enhance my abilities to lose weight and that would be unfair. Also I am a very solo type person. I did not want to be part of a team. I don't like to rely on others and I hate to have others rely on me in this type of situation. I would hate to let anyone down.
Well this year they have the team enrollment, but they also have an individual enrollment. So I thought it through and I know I no longer have the unfair advantage. The surgery has run its course and I am now just like the "normal" weight loss person. I have to work it all on my own using the tool of my pouch and the tools IWLS has provided me via knowledge. As has been evident in the last month or so I have needed some type of inspiration. I am hoping this year's Pound Plunge is the ticket to that inspiration. I can challenge myself and work the program with the weekly weigh-ins. There is also the incentive of prizes with the Pound Plunge itself. My employer is also providing some prize incentives as well. For me all the prizes are just an added benefit. I want to use the weigh-ins as an official monitor to keep me in check and keep me focused. Something has got to kick in. I need to use a new motto: “When I stumble I will forgive myself and try again.” “Begin again right now. Don’t wait for tomorrow.”
"In the midst of winter, I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer."
~Albert Camus~
This saying is what I am concentrating on. My winter has been the last few months of being frustrated and letting my motivation get stagnant. I am moving into the invincible summer. I am ready to move forward and get back into the healthy mind frame. I am trying to find and establish a “garden” of safety within my being. I need to reconnect with God and give him the control of my self, my actions, my thoughts and my motives. I need to be able to close my eyes and transport myself to that special place I have built with God. A spot I can go to and harmonize with Jesus and get the strength I need to face the demons of old habits, old tapes and old comforts that are not healthy or in my best interest. I need to rely on him to pass up the urge to eat the sweets and the carbs and the too large food portions. I need to reach for his hand to pull me out of bed to exercise, guide me to the other side of the room when I want to stand next to the temptations of the past and the comforts of the emotions I know and understand. I have to grasp his hand as I try to handle the things I can’t overcome; the cravings, the emotional eating, the negative thoughts and negative attitudes of daily life. I need to see the sunshine of every situation. I need to harmonize!
So I will plunge into the 12 week program of Pound Plunge and plunge into the personal program of becoming reliant on God and not on myself. I will train myself to remember the only person who has control of me is me. I pray to give that control to God and allow him to lead me from this day forward. I pray you look into your life and figure out what you need to plunge into. “If you’re breathing, there is still hope.”
The difference between being inspired and struggling with inspiration is one simple thing... ACTION.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
A Lie In My Pocket
This week has been a week of reflections. I’m sure if I were to go back and read the last few months of my blog I would see a progressive decline in inspiration; at least on a personal level. I try to be positive and optimistic and inspirational to everyone else. Sometimes I fall short on the personal level. I tried to think of what I could do to get myself back on track. I have had a goal since July to lose 20 pounds by January 10th. That would average to just over 3 pounds a month. Well, in the last month I lost 1 pound. Not a positive inspirational moment by any means. So I thought about what I’ve been doing. To be honest, nothing! I can’t seem to get into counting the calories, decreasing the calories, counting the carbs, decreasing the carbs or making the wisest choices. I still am doing very well with the exercising. Well until the last 2 weeks. I pinched a nerve 2 weeks ago while at the “Y”. I was doing my normal routine with my normal weights. I must have been in poor form and turned my head at the wrong time because I pulled a muscle and pinched a nerve in my upper back (right shoulder blade area). I go to the chiropractor once a week for maintenance, but the last 2 weeks I have been there 7 times. I have been fairly miserable physically. I have not been able to exercise due to pain and time restraints in order to go to the chiropractor, get to work and fit in some quality sleeping hours. I miss exercising so bad I can almost taste sweat. Now that is scary coming from someone who classified the word exercise as profanity B.S. (before surgery). So my positive-ness has been on the low side for a few weeks. So I decided last week I needed to do something to kick myself back into the game. I brain stormed. I realized (like I didn’t already know this) that I can’t measure my success by pounds alone. So I set my sights on a project to view my progress by another means. I gathered some pictures I have been keeping since 1994. I put them in an “album” to try and show myself some progress. In 1994 I was actually fairly healthy looking and at a weight I’m sure I will never be down to again. It is beyond my target weight. In 1994 I really wasn’t all that healthy, but at least I looked it!
This project is a pictorial of me. I have driver’s license photos and we all know they do not lie! I have pictures specifically taken to show my front view and profile as I have been on this journey. I have looked at these pictures individually a million times. It wasn’t until this last week when I put it together in an album in succession that I can see the progress and success of my daily journey. I am still struggling with the fact I am not losing pounds. I am still frustrated with myself that I can’t seem to get motivated to live this new lifestyle to the best of my ability. I am still kicking myself daily for the poor daily choices I make in regards to foods. Foods I know I shouldn’t have, shouldn’t have that portion size, shouldn’t eat that fast, shouldn’t, shouldn’t, shouldn’t. I need to find a way to get motivated on a positive view. It seems I am stuck on the negative “shouldn’t” view. How do you do that? How do you jump to the positive side of thinking when the negative is so strong? I don’t have the answers but I intend to find out. I know the most important way is to rely on God and allow him to lead, guide and support. This involves giving up control. Giving up control of decisions when the choice you want to make is obvious, even to you, to be the wrong choice. That is when I need to rely on him the most. I know He will love me regardless of what I am because of whose I am. That must be my focus!
I guess we all go through the same processes and waves of inspiration regardless of the goals or situations in our lives. I guess I really am not any different than the next person. I just have a higher standard of expectations for myself than I do for the next person. Therefore it is easier to say the right things, encourage with inspiration and support others. I now need to turn that around and inspire myself. I need to say the right things and back it up with the right moves, the right decisions and the right choices. I need to kick myself in the butt and jump the hurdles of frustration. In all honesty, I know that is easier said on paper than done in reality. But I am going to give it the full sportsman try. Now to keep myself accountable—that is the tough job.
Actually this week I lost 3 pounds. I am at the lowest weight I have been since before I can remember. This brings me to the fact I no longer carry a lie in my pocket. I actually weigh what my driver’s license says I weigh. It hasn’t been truth for over 20 years!! Now to keep it there and keep the momentum going. I have to find the inspiration to stay away from the wrong foods and the wrong amounts. I have to find the will power to eat just when I am hungry and not because I am bored or because it is there. I have to view food as a sustainer instead of an entertainer. As Ronda says, I need to eat to live, not live to eat. That is a hard one to tackle and take down. I have often said I no longer find the joy in eating that I used to have. Nothing taste as good as it used to, so why do I find it so hard to give it up? I know, I know—emotional attachment; emotional eating.
So as I start a new chronological year, I will pray I find and use a new will power and inspiration. I pray I get back to the level of enthusiasm, dedication and focus of a year ago! As my friend Ronda says, “It is a new day and there is no room for yesterday in it.” As Katie Jay of NAWLS.com says, “Because the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of changing. We have a choice” My choice is to give myself credit for what I have done, focus on what I need to do and give myself permission to make the mistakes, but learn from them and move on. In the last year I have made some good choices and I have also begun to return to some bad habits. The old scripts are singing loudly on some days. I just need to hum a different tune.
In the course of life, you can’t do it alone.
This project is a pictorial of me. I have driver’s license photos and we all know they do not lie! I have pictures specifically taken to show my front view and profile as I have been on this journey. I have looked at these pictures individually a million times. It wasn’t until this last week when I put it together in an album in succession that I can see the progress and success of my daily journey. I am still struggling with the fact I am not losing pounds. I am still frustrated with myself that I can’t seem to get motivated to live this new lifestyle to the best of my ability. I am still kicking myself daily for the poor daily choices I make in regards to foods. Foods I know I shouldn’t have, shouldn’t have that portion size, shouldn’t eat that fast, shouldn’t, shouldn’t, shouldn’t. I need to find a way to get motivated on a positive view. It seems I am stuck on the negative “shouldn’t” view. How do you do that? How do you jump to the positive side of thinking when the negative is so strong? I don’t have the answers but I intend to find out. I know the most important way is to rely on God and allow him to lead, guide and support. This involves giving up control. Giving up control of decisions when the choice you want to make is obvious, even to you, to be the wrong choice. That is when I need to rely on him the most. I know He will love me regardless of what I am because of whose I am. That must be my focus!
I guess we all go through the same processes and waves of inspiration regardless of the goals or situations in our lives. I guess I really am not any different than the next person. I just have a higher standard of expectations for myself than I do for the next person. Therefore it is easier to say the right things, encourage with inspiration and support others. I now need to turn that around and inspire myself. I need to say the right things and back it up with the right moves, the right decisions and the right choices. I need to kick myself in the butt and jump the hurdles of frustration. In all honesty, I know that is easier said on paper than done in reality. But I am going to give it the full sportsman try. Now to keep myself accountable—that is the tough job.
Actually this week I lost 3 pounds. I am at the lowest weight I have been since before I can remember. This brings me to the fact I no longer carry a lie in my pocket. I actually weigh what my driver’s license says I weigh. It hasn’t been truth for over 20 years!! Now to keep it there and keep the momentum going. I have to find the inspiration to stay away from the wrong foods and the wrong amounts. I have to find the will power to eat just when I am hungry and not because I am bored or because it is there. I have to view food as a sustainer instead of an entertainer. As Ronda says, I need to eat to live, not live to eat. That is a hard one to tackle and take down. I have often said I no longer find the joy in eating that I used to have. Nothing taste as good as it used to, so why do I find it so hard to give it up? I know, I know—emotional attachment; emotional eating.
So as I start a new chronological year, I will pray I find and use a new will power and inspiration. I pray I get back to the level of enthusiasm, dedication and focus of a year ago! As my friend Ronda says, “It is a new day and there is no room for yesterday in it.” As Katie Jay of NAWLS.com says, “Because the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of changing. We have a choice” My choice is to give myself credit for what I have done, focus on what I need to do and give myself permission to make the mistakes, but learn from them and move on. In the last year I have made some good choices and I have also begun to return to some bad habits. The old scripts are singing loudly on some days. I just need to hum a different tune.
In the course of life, you can’t do it alone.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Random thoughts pieced together
Thoughts to Ponder
The doorway of success is often entered through the hallway of failure. So if at first you don't succeed, relax. You are just like the rest of us.
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Just show up. Day after day. This moment in the day is never too late to start again.
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Life is filled with 2 Flavors - Sweet & Salty
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Me against me (comparing me against anyone else is a setup for failure). I find myself at support meetings sometimes looking at someone who has lost more weight in a shorter period of time and wondering how they did it and why have I not been as successful. The how’s and why’s of life are individual. Live the best you can and use the others’ success as inspiration instead of self-frustration.
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Joni Erickson Tada is a quadriplegic who has glorified God despite her disability, which was the result of a diving accident in her youth.In her book Heaven: Your Real Home, she writes about the new bodies God has for us: "No more bulging middles or balding tops. No varicose veins or crow's feet. No more cellulite or support hose. Forget the 'thunder thighs' and highway hips. Just a quick leapfrog over the tombstone and it's the body you've always dreamed of. Fit and trim, smooth and sleek."
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“Confidence comes from developing skills and achieving goals which may involve sacrifice and delayed gratification."
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Be patient with your body. It will take time for it to respond to the healthy changes you make. You would think after a year it would have become accustom to these changes. Continue to make smart decisions and keep up your healthy lifestyle - even after reaching your goals. It is too easy to fall back into the old habits that got you where you were before you made the changes. Persevere and proceed upward!
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Change is an emotional process. We are all creatures of habit who usually resist it, and welcome routine. Uncharted waters are scary! But it is the key that unlocks the doors to growth and excitement.
~Mac Anderson ~
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"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge."
~Tuli Kupferburg~
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“Change is good…You go first”
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Put yourself first and your new ways will last. This is a means of taking care of you and by taking care of you, others are taken care of too.
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“Determination is the key to success.”
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Can we learn from our mistakes? Only if we admit them and carry on.
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We all will have our failures but do not fall into the same trap again. When given second chances, FAIL FORWARD
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There are two keys to success: acting on something and being passionate.
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Thought programming – under the hood
Sometimes I feel I take three steps forward in my pursuit of my dreams and goals, only to fall two and a half steps back. However, if I only concentrated on that half step forward which stood strong, striving to learn from those backward steps, I could become centered and focused more on the positive motion. Even if the positive was miniscule, it was still progress.
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“He knew that he knew that he knew” I often beat myself up because I knew better, but still did that which I shouldn’t have.
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Work today to take steps forward toward your dreams and never quit pursuing them.
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Relize that "Oopsie." is an okay word. It allows you to make mistakes and carry on to a better place through lessons learned.
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“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
~Thomas Edison~
The doorway of success is often entered through the hallway of failure. So if at first you don't succeed, relax. You are just like the rest of us.
-----------
Just show up. Day after day. This moment in the day is never too late to start again.
-----------
Life is filled with 2 Flavors - Sweet & Salty
----------
Me against me (comparing me against anyone else is a setup for failure). I find myself at support meetings sometimes looking at someone who has lost more weight in a shorter period of time and wondering how they did it and why have I not been as successful. The how’s and why’s of life are individual. Live the best you can and use the others’ success as inspiration instead of self-frustration.
----------
Joni Erickson Tada is a quadriplegic who has glorified God despite her disability, which was the result of a diving accident in her youth.In her book Heaven: Your Real Home, she writes about the new bodies God has for us: "No more bulging middles or balding tops. No varicose veins or crow's feet. No more cellulite or support hose. Forget the 'thunder thighs' and highway hips. Just a quick leapfrog over the tombstone and it's the body you've always dreamed of. Fit and trim, smooth and sleek."
------------
“Confidence comes from developing skills and achieving goals which may involve sacrifice and delayed gratification."
-----------
Be patient with your body. It will take time for it to respond to the healthy changes you make. You would think after a year it would have become accustom to these changes. Continue to make smart decisions and keep up your healthy lifestyle - even after reaching your goals. It is too easy to fall back into the old habits that got you where you were before you made the changes. Persevere and proceed upward!
----------
Change is an emotional process. We are all creatures of habit who usually resist it, and welcome routine. Uncharted waters are scary! But it is the key that unlocks the doors to growth and excitement.
~Mac Anderson ~
----------
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge."
~Tuli Kupferburg~
----------
“Change is good…You go first”
----------
Put yourself first and your new ways will last. This is a means of taking care of you and by taking care of you, others are taken care of too.
----------
“Determination is the key to success.”
----------
Can we learn from our mistakes? Only if we admit them and carry on.
----------
We all will have our failures but do not fall into the same trap again. When given second chances, FAIL FORWARD
----------
There are two keys to success: acting on something and being passionate.
----------
Thought programming – under the hood
Sometimes I feel I take three steps forward in my pursuit of my dreams and goals, only to fall two and a half steps back. However, if I only concentrated on that half step forward which stood strong, striving to learn from those backward steps, I could become centered and focused more on the positive motion. Even if the positive was miniscule, it was still progress.
----------
“He knew that he knew that he knew” I often beat myself up because I knew better, but still did that which I shouldn’t have.
----------
Work today to take steps forward toward your dreams and never quit pursuing them.
----------
Relize that "Oopsie." is an okay word. It allows you to make mistakes and carry on to a better place through lessons learned.
----------
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
~Thomas Edison~
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