Tuesday, July 10, 2012
A Silent Year and Half
Silent A Year and a Half 7/10/12
It is my 4th anniversary of weight loss surgery (7/21/12). My surgery was a life altering experience. More so than I ever imagined. I went through an elation period (honeymoon phase). I coasted for some time and then the frustration time, just like anyone else struggling with weight. Now I am hoping to get back on track, settle into this lifestyle and do it successfully, knowing I will have the tough times. It has effected every area of my life.
Physically I can do so much more, yet less than I was able to 2 years ago. I have some health issues I thought would be taken care of, but for some reason it isn’t and in reality probably has nothing to do with the weight. Some of my weight issues have to do with some medication to take care of the health issues. Yet I must be honest with myself and accept a lot of the weight issues I face now has to do with my dedication to my new lifestyle, or lack of dedication. My overall choices affect my overall attitude and success which affects my overall choices.
It has affected me emotionally and mentally. I remember a couple years ago a friend telling me I seemed so much more confident. At that time I did. Now I am not as confident and I know it is because of the weight gain and the way I feel physically. I know it is because of the disappointment I feel in myself. It will return when I get back on track and work this thing. Confidence will return to the level I once experienced when I lose some weight and feel better. One day at a time! I didn’t lose this weight in one day. I didn’t regain it in one day and I won’t re-lose it in one day. It is the ups and downs that get frustrating. I am an instant gratification person, like many of us and it is hard to stay focused for the long haul.
Then there is spiritually. I have been on the mountain top and felt so close to God. Now I am struggling in the valley. I know God is still there and I just need to reach out and grab his hand. All of us feel that way. I relied on God to be able to afford surgery 4 years ago and I relied on God to keep me on track. Now I have to rely on him again. I am so used to thinking I can do it on my own. My prayer is I find that sense of need for Him on a daily basis and not just an event basis. I am still glad I had surgery! I would do it again if I had to. I wouldn’t be where I am today or where I was at my lowest weight if it weren’t for this surgery. God blessed me with the opportunity to have surgery and the wisdom to take that opportunity. Now I must get back on track with the wisdom I have gained from the surgery. With God beside me and me taking him with me, I will get back to where I once was, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Give me a challenger that just might have the strength to take me down,
But give me the confidence to believe I will remain the champion.
~DeAnn M Cornwell~
Monday, July 11, 2011
3 Year Stats
God has blessed me! I will maintain now. There comes a point where the loss ends and stability is the key. Unless I can have about 10-15 pounds of excess skin removed, I doubt I will lose anymore pounds. I am content with that. Now it is living the lifestyle. What once was a dirty word (exercise) has become a comfort and often times a craving. Some days my enthusiasm is waning, but overall, I look forward to the time spent at the YMCA. I have maintained my weight within 5-8 pounds for the last 6-9 months, so I have decided this is where my natural body weight must be. If I did have the excess skin removed I would be at my goal weight, so I truly think the weight I am right now is where I need to be. This doesn’t mean the journey is over. By far!! Now it is a lifestyle I must live to maintain the health I have gained over the last 3 years. I’ve always said and always believed, this isn’t a diet, this is a lifestyle. A lifestyle I have come to enjoy and be content with. Maybe some of my frustration will decrease means I have accepted where I am. Who knows, maybe now I will “relax” enough and not obsess over it all and the extra pounds will be lost, but my focus is on the health end versus the pound end now. I will still have to consciously be aware of and plan what I eat and exercise as I do (well, maybe with a little less intensity). My body is telling me the intensity I have been exercising for the last 3+ months needs to end or lessen to a certain degree. So as I embark on the next leg of this journey, I pray God’s strength, guidance and support. I know He will be there every step of the way. I just have to remember to keep my hand in His and let him lead and guide me daily. Thank you to all of you that have been there for me the last 3 years offering words of encouragement and times of enthusiasm, compliments and suggestions. I couldn’t have made it this far and been this successful without you. God bless you!
Stats:
2008 2011 Difference
Neck 17” 15” -2”
Upper Arms 19 ¾” 14 ½ “ -5 ¼”
Chest 59” 42 ½” -16 ½”
Waist 58” 38” -20”
Hips 61” 43” -18”
Thigh 27 ¾” 21 ½” -6 ¼”
Calf 18” 15” -3”
Weight 292 176 -116
BMI 52.8 33.3 -19.5
Body Fat 71.3 40.2 -31.1
Total Inches Lost: 71”
Total Weight Lost 116 pounds
BMI Difference 19.5 points
Body Fat Reduction 31.1 points
Size Differences
2008 2011
Shirt 4x-5x L-XL
Shorts 3x XL (16)
Pants 26-28P 16P
Pant waist 50” 38”
Sweats 3x (44-46) L-XL
Underwear 13 8
Bra 52D 42C
Shoes 8 ½ 7 ½
Stats:
2008 2011 Difference
Neck 17” 15” -2”
Upper Arms 19 ¾” 14 ½ “ -5 ¼”
Chest 59” 42 ½” -16 ½”
Waist 58” 38” -20”
Hips 61” 43” -18”
Thigh 27 ¾” 21 ½” -6 ¼”
Calf 18” 15” -3”
Weight 292 176 -116
BMI 52.8 33.3 -19.5
Body Fat 71.3 40.2 -31.1
Total Inches Lost: 71”
Total Weight Lost 116 pounds
BMI Difference 19.5 points
Body Fat Reduction 31.1 points
Size Differences
2008 2011
Shirt 4x-5x L-XL
Shorts 3x XL (16)
Pants 26-28P 16P
Pant waist 50” 38”
Sweats 3x (44-46) L-XL
Underwear 13 8
Bra 52D 42C
Shoes 8 ½ 7 ½
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
A Day in the Life of a 3 year Gastric Bypass Survivor
Today was a HORRIBLE day!!! I think I know for the 1st time what a hangover must feel like. I went shopping and I ate a Heath candy bar then a little later I had a Sonic ice cream cone. (the cone itself tasted great). Right now I feel like what someone with a hangover must feel like. All my energy is gone, flat out none remains. My stomach feels like it has been extended past a Thanksgiving stuffing! As for my guilt, well, we won’t even go there. Why? Why, oh why? I know better. If only I can remember this feeling when the next time comes. I am so frustrated with me! I know; it is just one day, just one slip, move on! But does is really change? Do you ever get to the point where you can talk yourself out of the want and remember the reality of the situation? I’m no different than before surgery. I am still eating what I shouldn’t. Get me back to the “honeymoon phase” when I didn’t want any of it! I know, it isn’t going to happen, so I have to find some way to rely on the tools, especially my reasoning skills. Start over from now, not tomorrow, but NOW.
I don’t even enjoy eating. Nothing tastes as good as I anticipate. It doesn’t taste as good after I eat it---maybe I should say the taste satiety isn’t long lasting and it becomes disappointing. Like today I thought a Heath bar sounded good. Now I knew I didn’t need it, shouldn’t have it and it was wrong to eat it, but I couldn’t get past the will power or lack of will power to get beyond the “need” to eat it. Or the romanticizing I did about its taste. So I had it. It wasn’t as tasty as I anticipated and the taste didn’t last beyond the swallow. So I was disappointed. Disappointed in the candy bar and disappointed in myself. Then the guilt set in. It seems to be an endless cycle some days.
So I start again from this moment and pray God gives me the strength to do better. 1st I have to rely on Him and that is where I fall. I know I can’t do it on my own, but I am too stubborn to hand it over to Him. He is waiting for me to do it. He is faithful. I know this in my head, but to get it in my thoughts and actions is the struggle. To my fellow WLS friends, sorry I am not more encouraging. Just know I understand your struggles. I feel your pain and frustrations. I know the tough-ness of the journey we walk. But we are better off since surgery than before (health-wise if no other area). Keep the faith, rely on the stability of where you are. You aren’t gaining big pounds. I keep in my foresight the fact I am fairly stable in the weight (3-5 pounds) and I may never be any lighter. Readjust, re-assess and live in today. Sounds good, huh?
I am slowly losing. Not like I would like, but I might make my goal. I don’t know that I will be able to maintain there, but I want to get there and see what happens. I’m afraid my natural weight may be higher than I want it. I refuse to knock myself out mentally or emotionally trying to stay at a weight my body isn’t willing to work with. But for now, I will shoot for the goal and give myself credit for the progress. Give myself room for the falls. Learn from them and go on. Don’t allow them to be a permanent stumbling block. No one is perfect and that is what I have been shooting for. There lies the biggest stumbling block of all. God give me the strength to allow myself the same latitude I give others. But give me the motivation to shoot for the stars.
Fortitude gets you to the finish line
I don’t even enjoy eating. Nothing tastes as good as I anticipate. It doesn’t taste as good after I eat it---maybe I should say the taste satiety isn’t long lasting and it becomes disappointing. Like today I thought a Heath bar sounded good. Now I knew I didn’t need it, shouldn’t have it and it was wrong to eat it, but I couldn’t get past the will power or lack of will power to get beyond the “need” to eat it. Or the romanticizing I did about its taste. So I had it. It wasn’t as tasty as I anticipated and the taste didn’t last beyond the swallow. So I was disappointed. Disappointed in the candy bar and disappointed in myself. Then the guilt set in. It seems to be an endless cycle some days.
So I start again from this moment and pray God gives me the strength to do better. 1st I have to rely on Him and that is where I fall. I know I can’t do it on my own, but I am too stubborn to hand it over to Him. He is waiting for me to do it. He is faithful. I know this in my head, but to get it in my thoughts and actions is the struggle. To my fellow WLS friends, sorry I am not more encouraging. Just know I understand your struggles. I feel your pain and frustrations. I know the tough-ness of the journey we walk. But we are better off since surgery than before (health-wise if no other area). Keep the faith, rely on the stability of where you are. You aren’t gaining big pounds. I keep in my foresight the fact I am fairly stable in the weight (3-5 pounds) and I may never be any lighter. Readjust, re-assess and live in today. Sounds good, huh?
I am slowly losing. Not like I would like, but I might make my goal. I don’t know that I will be able to maintain there, but I want to get there and see what happens. I’m afraid my natural weight may be higher than I want it. I refuse to knock myself out mentally or emotionally trying to stay at a weight my body isn’t willing to work with. But for now, I will shoot for the goal and give myself credit for the progress. Give myself room for the falls. Learn from them and go on. Don’t allow them to be a permanent stumbling block. No one is perfect and that is what I have been shooting for. There lies the biggest stumbling block of all. God give me the strength to allow myself the same latitude I give others. But give me the motivation to shoot for the stars.
Fortitude gets you to the finish line
Monday, April 11, 2011
Support Needed
Support Needed
After losing over 126 pounds I started going back to my old habits and gained 18 pounds back in a year. I felt like the elephant in the room (no pun intended) that everyone saw but no one talked about. It was obvious I had gained weight. I saw it, others saw it, yet some still complimented me. I suppose just thinking about what I once looked like 3 years ago and what I look like today was impressive. But in reality, I felt like a failure. No one would acknowledge or point out the falling. I no longer felt like an inspiration to myself or anyone else. It can be scary, but I think the benefits of confession, leading to healing and freedom, outweigh the fear. I have been trying to face the consequences of my unwise choices. I now admit to myself and those who have been a support to me, I gained because of unwise choices, eating the wrong things, eating for the wrong reasons, eating the wrong amount and just plain eating too often (continuously).
I knew going into this, surgery was not a cure all. But you still think in the back of your mind, “I will never have to think about all this again.” Or “I will be able to not eat what I shouldn’t eat because I shouldn’t be able to eat it and I know I can’t ever eat it again.” Or “This surgery is a tool and I will always use it.” All are deceiving thoughts in and of themselves. This life is just as hard after surgery as it was before surgery and is for those who have never had surgery, but struggle with weight issues. I have learned it cannot be done on sheer willpower. My will isn’t powerful enough for that. I must rely on knowledge, my tools from surgery, my desires, making goals, God and supporters. Ultimately it is up to me to make the right decisions. Those decisions center around food and exercise. Do I or don’t’ I?
Four weeks ago I buddy-ed up with a guy from IWLS who had surgery 11 months ago. He was struggling with all the same stuff I am struggling with. We had supported each other through occasional email and at support meetings once a month. One day he asked if I would send him my menus. From there we began to keep food logs with calorie counts, carb counts, protein counts, etc. Soon it was important to eat well in order to support and spur each other on. We email daily our eating/food log, exercise, thoughts, feelings, etc. Together we have discovered our snack calorie counts were often as big as or bigger than our meal counts. We have noted our carb count isn’t what we are happy with. This week we decided to focus on watching that carb count. Sure I knew all this when I was on my own, but to have someone else notice it and call me on it and encourage me to address it was what I needed to take things seriously again. Before I had all the excuses, all the justifications for eating what I was eating. Now I look at what I eat, I re-decide about some things I would have just eaten before. I do this because someone else is counting on me. I do it because it is important to me once again to reach that goal I had decided was out of reach. I don’t think it is. I’m going for it. I don’t know if I will hit it by target date, but I am going to give it my best shot. I am doing it for me and I am doing it for my buddy.
Support is so important in any walk of life. That is what friendships are all about. My buddy has become an important friend in my life. I think I have in his too. I know he has my back and he will tell me when I need to look at something seriously. He will encourage me through it all. I hope he feels the same about me. I know this journey is mine to walk and mine to be responsible for. I also know I find it easier to do just that with my buddy behind me. But in the end, only I can do it and I can only do it for myself.
Health is something I took for granted for so long and became 297 pounds. I started this journey at 292 pounds and I lost 126 at one time with just 16 more to go to my 1st goal. I doubt that goal is attainable without cosmetic surgery to remove the extra skin. I may not even be able to make it to my revised goal, but it is worth the try. Once I get there, maintaining will be the challenge. But for right now, I face the fear and work at it daily. I know bad days will come now and then, but I won’t throw it all away like I did this last year. As I approach my 3 year “girth-day” I will work to my goal of losing a total of 132 pounds.
Go get ‘em baby!!
Thank you to all my supporters!
"Happiness often sneaks in through a door
you didn't know you left open.
~John Barrymore~
After losing over 126 pounds I started going back to my old habits and gained 18 pounds back in a year. I felt like the elephant in the room (no pun intended) that everyone saw but no one talked about. It was obvious I had gained weight. I saw it, others saw it, yet some still complimented me. I suppose just thinking about what I once looked like 3 years ago and what I look like today was impressive. But in reality, I felt like a failure. No one would acknowledge or point out the falling. I no longer felt like an inspiration to myself or anyone else. It can be scary, but I think the benefits of confession, leading to healing and freedom, outweigh the fear. I have been trying to face the consequences of my unwise choices. I now admit to myself and those who have been a support to me, I gained because of unwise choices, eating the wrong things, eating for the wrong reasons, eating the wrong amount and just plain eating too often (continuously).
I knew going into this, surgery was not a cure all. But you still think in the back of your mind, “I will never have to think about all this again.” Or “I will be able to not eat what I shouldn’t eat because I shouldn’t be able to eat it and I know I can’t ever eat it again.” Or “This surgery is a tool and I will always use it.” All are deceiving thoughts in and of themselves. This life is just as hard after surgery as it was before surgery and is for those who have never had surgery, but struggle with weight issues. I have learned it cannot be done on sheer willpower. My will isn’t powerful enough for that. I must rely on knowledge, my tools from surgery, my desires, making goals, God and supporters. Ultimately it is up to me to make the right decisions. Those decisions center around food and exercise. Do I or don’t’ I?
Four weeks ago I buddy-ed up with a guy from IWLS who had surgery 11 months ago. He was struggling with all the same stuff I am struggling with. We had supported each other through occasional email and at support meetings once a month. One day he asked if I would send him my menus. From there we began to keep food logs with calorie counts, carb counts, protein counts, etc. Soon it was important to eat well in order to support and spur each other on. We email daily our eating/food log, exercise, thoughts, feelings, etc. Together we have discovered our snack calorie counts were often as big as or bigger than our meal counts. We have noted our carb count isn’t what we are happy with. This week we decided to focus on watching that carb count. Sure I knew all this when I was on my own, but to have someone else notice it and call me on it and encourage me to address it was what I needed to take things seriously again. Before I had all the excuses, all the justifications for eating what I was eating. Now I look at what I eat, I re-decide about some things I would have just eaten before. I do this because someone else is counting on me. I do it because it is important to me once again to reach that goal I had decided was out of reach. I don’t think it is. I’m going for it. I don’t know if I will hit it by target date, but I am going to give it my best shot. I am doing it for me and I am doing it for my buddy.
Support is so important in any walk of life. That is what friendships are all about. My buddy has become an important friend in my life. I think I have in his too. I know he has my back and he will tell me when I need to look at something seriously. He will encourage me through it all. I hope he feels the same about me. I know this journey is mine to walk and mine to be responsible for. I also know I find it easier to do just that with my buddy behind me. But in the end, only I can do it and I can only do it for myself.
Health is something I took for granted for so long and became 297 pounds. I started this journey at 292 pounds and I lost 126 at one time with just 16 more to go to my 1st goal. I doubt that goal is attainable without cosmetic surgery to remove the extra skin. I may not even be able to make it to my revised goal, but it is worth the try. Once I get there, maintaining will be the challenge. But for right now, I face the fear and work at it daily. I know bad days will come now and then, but I won’t throw it all away like I did this last year. As I approach my 3 year “girth-day” I will work to my goal of losing a total of 132 pounds.
Go get ‘em baby!!
Thank you to all my supporters!
"Happiness often sneaks in through a door
you didn't know you left open.
~John Barrymore~
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A Look Back In Order To Move Forward
My life can be summed up in one word---circle. There is no separation of beginning and ending. 2 ½ years ago I underwent gastric bypass surgery to improve my heath. I lost over 100 pounds and I "suddenly" threw the progress away on a whim. That whim was centered on eating the wrong thing(s). It is like a merry-go-round that I can't step off of. I know what I need to do, but can't seem to take the step to do it. I know what I was like prior to July 21, 2008. I see where I could be headed if I don't get a handle on this unhealthy ride. The dizziness of the circular motion is overwhelming, frustrating and daunting. I've heard the 2 year mark can happen like this. I just never dreamed I would be part of this group of gropers, struggling to remain on top.
I don’t know for sure how to stop the spiral circular motion I find myself in. So I am changing the cycle all together. I am changing hours at work which in turn will change my routines I have come to rely on. I think the routines have allowed me to become stagnant in life and what I expect from life. It will change my working times, my eating patterns, my exercising patterns, my sleeping patterns and other areas too. My days off will change by month instead of the perpetual Sunday/Monday off I have had for several years now. This will challenge me to no longer take my spiritual life for granted. I won’t be able to attend church but one month in the next 6 months. So I will have to use other avenues to fill my spiritual needs. I have become reliant on going to church Sunday mornings and I believe it has just become a routine to me. I hope this will renew my faith and intensify my focus.
As 2011 begins I am focusing on one aspect at a time to get myself back in the race. Focusing on all things needing changed would be overwhelming and would lead to the feeling of hopelessness. So for now I will work on eating healthy. I will take specific steps to that goal. When I get that down I will move on to the next goal. I knew going into surgery in 2008 that this was not a cure all and would not be easy. I remember thinking "are they serious about only eating a cup of food at a time?" I remember thinking, “I won’t have to worry about food again.” I have discovered both are falsehoods. I can eat more than a cup at a time, so I need to be conscious of my portion size. I do have to think about food (what I eat and the amount I eat). Well, now I need to get back to the basics and get moving in the right direction. I know I can do it, I have before. My "want power" has to outweigh my "will power".
So as I move forward in 2011, I will look back at 2010 and remember where I stepped off the treadmill in forward and where it began moving backwards. I will focus my sight on the prize and attain it one step at a time. I know I will feel better and I will break the circular motion I am on. Here’s to 2011 and being realistic and dedicated to me and my health again.
"where there are no trials in life, there will be no triumphs."
~Greg Laurie~
I don’t know for sure how to stop the spiral circular motion I find myself in. So I am changing the cycle all together. I am changing hours at work which in turn will change my routines I have come to rely on. I think the routines have allowed me to become stagnant in life and what I expect from life. It will change my working times, my eating patterns, my exercising patterns, my sleeping patterns and other areas too. My days off will change by month instead of the perpetual Sunday/Monday off I have had for several years now. This will challenge me to no longer take my spiritual life for granted. I won’t be able to attend church but one month in the next 6 months. So I will have to use other avenues to fill my spiritual needs. I have become reliant on going to church Sunday mornings and I believe it has just become a routine to me. I hope this will renew my faith and intensify my focus.
As 2011 begins I am focusing on one aspect at a time to get myself back in the race. Focusing on all things needing changed would be overwhelming and would lead to the feeling of hopelessness. So for now I will work on eating healthy. I will take specific steps to that goal. When I get that down I will move on to the next goal. I knew going into surgery in 2008 that this was not a cure all and would not be easy. I remember thinking "are they serious about only eating a cup of food at a time?" I remember thinking, “I won’t have to worry about food again.” I have discovered both are falsehoods. I can eat more than a cup at a time, so I need to be conscious of my portion size. I do have to think about food (what I eat and the amount I eat). Well, now I need to get back to the basics and get moving in the right direction. I know I can do it, I have before. My "want power" has to outweigh my "will power".
So as I move forward in 2011, I will look back at 2010 and remember where I stepped off the treadmill in forward and where it began moving backwards. I will focus my sight on the prize and attain it one step at a time. I know I will feel better and I will break the circular motion I am on. Here’s to 2011 and being realistic and dedicated to me and my health again.
"where there are no trials in life, there will be no triumphs."
~Greg Laurie~
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Remind Me
Remind me why I had surgery. As I am facing some tough heath issues again I have to look back and find the blessings. I hope it will get me through the frustrations I am experiencing right now. I have had to give up some of the things I enjoy the most in my daily workouts. I had surgery over 2 years ago because of serious health issues. I found myself on a road to death. The reality hit when I was able to look in the mirror and see a morbidly obese person looking back at me. I didn’t even recognize myself. There are times these days I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person looking back at me. I have come a long way in 2 years. When I get frustrated I have to remember why I had surgery and where I’ve walked and at times ran. I have to remember before surgery I couldn’t even exercise. I have been doing some very limited running in the last month or so and that is probably what has gotten me into the shape I am in. So I have to give up the running, the rowing (which I love) and some of the other things I enjoy, like aqua Zumba. I hope it is just for a limited time, but at this point there is no speculation. I just have to be wise in my thinking and doing. I want to push myself harder than is advisable. I’ve always been a person who had to give 100+% and now I have to back off. It isn’t going to be easy and I know it is going to frustrate me. I need to set some new goals with lower expectations. That won’t be easy either, but if I am going to get healthy again and get past the pain, I will have to do it. Before surgery I existed but wasn’t active in life. Since surgery I have becomes very active and now I have to slow that down. God always knows what is best and I guess at this point He feels it is best to slow down some. So as I face these health issues with uncertainty and times without answers, I will do the best I can to remember why I had surgery! To be healthy and active!
It is what it is, but it will become what you make it.
It is what it is, but it will become what you make it.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
It's About The Journey
A good friend wrote in her blog lately that it isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey. I have not written on my blog/update for a month. I haven’t felt inspired. I have been looking at the destination and forgotten about the journey. I felt like if I couldn’t give a rose I wouldn’t write. I have decided the prettiest bouquets are mixed flowers. There are bright brilliant colors, subtle colors, greenery, baby’s breath and even thorns.
My life lately has certainly been a full bouquet. I have had some challenges in my work life, personal relationship life, my spiritual life, my heath and my weight loss life.
My weight has teetered with the same 10 pounds for months. It has been frustrating. It has felt much like before surgery days. I would lose some, gain some, lose some…. Luckily I have not gone past what I was willing to go to. But I also am not willing to stay where I am now. It is so easy to say ”I am going to…” It is hard to walk the walk. I am struggling with the thorns right now. It feels like there are thorns on every horizon.
I think work is leveling off some. This will be a day to day assessment. I am the only one that can influence it and stay above the water level of drowning. Of course those involved play a part, but not the starring role. I am the star and I have to play the part I want. The other people can either be the supporting cast, the villain or the audience. I can name each person in their role. For now, I will take it day by day. I will show up and perform my best.
My personal life is a little trickier. I have to decide what is best for me and go with the decisions I make. This is not always easy because the familiar is so comfortable, even in the midst of the pain and disappointments of life. As the saying goes,”Life must go on. Learn to live with it.” Take the next step and grow from there.
My spiritual life is one of my most frustrating struggles. I want to have a close personal relationship with God, but I am my own worst enemy. I want it now and I want it on my terms. That isn’t always the way it happens. Think about the many different stories in the Bible and how God dealt with people. Many times it took longer than they wanted. Reading the stories makes me think it took longer than I would have wanted. The Israelite wandered for 40 years. This was by their own doing; by not obeying God. I am in the same boat. I often ask for something then turn around and attempt to do things my way because God isn’t quick enough for me. So I have to take a few steps back and I often feel I am losing ground. I have to remember He is always there, always knows best, but also allows me the free will to choose. There lies my stumbling block—my will.
My health, well, it will go at its own pace. The medical world isn’t always on the same time frame as I am. Doctors don’t always do what I want when I want. It is a hurry up and wait situation. It is very frustrating. So for now I have to sit back, be the annoying bee in their bonnet and try to get them to move faster. In the same vein, I can’t just sit back and let the world pass me by. I have to stay focused and continue to work out and live each day to its fullest.
As The Imperials’ song says, “When the water gets high, sail on. When the wind starts to die, sail on. It’s just a matter of minutes ‘til His ship comes to get us and we’ll all get in it. …Just keep your compass set on the SON… We’ve got the Lord in control of our ship and he’ll guide us safely in.”
So in light of all these ramblings, I have come to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason. I may not understand the reasons or the timing or the outcome, but I have to have faith in myself and faith in God. My god is an awesome god. He is the only true God. His name is always in a capital letter. All other gods are in lower case. So I have to put all the challenges of the day in his hands. This is easier to write and think and say but hard to do. So for today, I pray for His guidance, His wisdom and His love to help me make the decisions I need to make in my weight loss, eating habits, determination and patience of life after weight loss surgery.
I have to look to Him to guide me at work and how I relate and deal with each person and situation. I have to look to Him in making decisions in my personal life and dealing with people I come in contact with. I pray He will give me the courage and spirit to make wise decisions. In doing this, my spiritual life will fall into place. Sometimes I think he strips all things (options) away in order to lead us back to Him.
Not every day is going to be a total success, but as long as I am working towards the goal, I am a success. It isn’t about the destination. It’s about the journey. The destination will take care of itself if you have your eyes on the right leader.
"Don't blow the chance when you have the chance to say I love you."
~Oliveia Newton-John~
But don't say it unless you honestly mean it sincerely.
My life lately has certainly been a full bouquet. I have had some challenges in my work life, personal relationship life, my spiritual life, my heath and my weight loss life.
My weight has teetered with the same 10 pounds for months. It has been frustrating. It has felt much like before surgery days. I would lose some, gain some, lose some…. Luckily I have not gone past what I was willing to go to. But I also am not willing to stay where I am now. It is so easy to say ”I am going to…” It is hard to walk the walk. I am struggling with the thorns right now. It feels like there are thorns on every horizon.
I think work is leveling off some. This will be a day to day assessment. I am the only one that can influence it and stay above the water level of drowning. Of course those involved play a part, but not the starring role. I am the star and I have to play the part I want. The other people can either be the supporting cast, the villain or the audience. I can name each person in their role. For now, I will take it day by day. I will show up and perform my best.
My personal life is a little trickier. I have to decide what is best for me and go with the decisions I make. This is not always easy because the familiar is so comfortable, even in the midst of the pain and disappointments of life. As the saying goes,”Life must go on. Learn to live with it.” Take the next step and grow from there.
My spiritual life is one of my most frustrating struggles. I want to have a close personal relationship with God, but I am my own worst enemy. I want it now and I want it on my terms. That isn’t always the way it happens. Think about the many different stories in the Bible and how God dealt with people. Many times it took longer than they wanted. Reading the stories makes me think it took longer than I would have wanted. The Israelite wandered for 40 years. This was by their own doing; by not obeying God. I am in the same boat. I often ask for something then turn around and attempt to do things my way because God isn’t quick enough for me. So I have to take a few steps back and I often feel I am losing ground. I have to remember He is always there, always knows best, but also allows me the free will to choose. There lies my stumbling block—my will.
My health, well, it will go at its own pace. The medical world isn’t always on the same time frame as I am. Doctors don’t always do what I want when I want. It is a hurry up and wait situation. It is very frustrating. So for now I have to sit back, be the annoying bee in their bonnet and try to get them to move faster. In the same vein, I can’t just sit back and let the world pass me by. I have to stay focused and continue to work out and live each day to its fullest.
As The Imperials’ song says, “When the water gets high, sail on. When the wind starts to die, sail on. It’s just a matter of minutes ‘til His ship comes to get us and we’ll all get in it. …Just keep your compass set on the SON… We’ve got the Lord in control of our ship and he’ll guide us safely in.”
So in light of all these ramblings, I have come to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason. I may not understand the reasons or the timing or the outcome, but I have to have faith in myself and faith in God. My god is an awesome god. He is the only true God. His name is always in a capital letter. All other gods are in lower case. So I have to put all the challenges of the day in his hands. This is easier to write and think and say but hard to do. So for today, I pray for His guidance, His wisdom and His love to help me make the decisions I need to make in my weight loss, eating habits, determination and patience of life after weight loss surgery.
I have to look to Him to guide me at work and how I relate and deal with each person and situation. I have to look to Him in making decisions in my personal life and dealing with people I come in contact with. I pray He will give me the courage and spirit to make wise decisions. In doing this, my spiritual life will fall into place. Sometimes I think he strips all things (options) away in order to lead us back to Him.
Not every day is going to be a total success, but as long as I am working towards the goal, I am a success. It isn’t about the destination. It’s about the journey. The destination will take care of itself if you have your eyes on the right leader.
"Don't blow the chance when you have the chance to say I love you."
~Oliveia Newton-John~
But don't say it unless you honestly mean it sincerely.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Pondering
"Pondering"
What is joy? Is it a hearty belly laugh? Is it jumping up and down as the saying goes, jumping for joy? It is walking around with a smile on your face? How long will it last and what will prompt it? How tight do you have to hold on to it to make sure it never leaves? Is it a state of mind or a feeling within? Is it an outward appearance or an inner sense?
What is happiness? The saying is you have to find happiness within yourself and not with outside things. How do you find happiness when you don't know what it is or what it looks like? Will you recognize it when it slaps you in the face? Will it drift in the window like a spring breeze? Or will it flash like a 4th of July spectacular? Will it creep in like a thief in the night; not knowing it was there until it is gone?
How do you measure success? Is it by the dollar amount in your bank account? Is it a level on the ladder? Is it a job you enjoy immensely? Is it a large house, cars of your dreams, 3.2 children, a spouse you want to spend the rest of your life with or maybe the respect you garner from those around you?
What is contentment? Is it a calm feeling within your soul? Is it a serene sense around you? Is it laying back and relaxing without a worry? Is it doing what you want to do? Is it a fulfillment that is impossible to define? Is it a peace that descends on you when you least expect it? Is it something you can work for, but fail to fully grasp? Is it "walking on cloud nine" and just where is that located? Is it linked to happiness and can only be obtained when you obtain happiness and joy?
Are all of them linked together? Do you have to have all of them to know one of them? Does one lead to the other? Do they lend themselves to each other?
So many questions with very few answers.
Life! Now that is the ultimate question. Is it more than a breath? Is it activity? Energy? Growth? Being? A career ? "Just the way it is"? Participation? Or a period of existence?
I guess all of the above are a facet of each other. Maybe to access each to build on the other is the routine of daily living. If we are able to attain one, each or all of them, will life be complete?
I am going to cheat and post something I wrote 3 years ago. I think, without meaning to be egotistical, that it is timeless. I think regardless of the time of history it applies to life. Regardless of the century, personal age or current events, it is something every person thinks about. At this time in my life I am in the best spot I have been in for a LONG time. I have always been an extremist. I am either extremely happy or pathetically down. I have always had a hard time with the middle ground or the even keel. I even have a hard time with idleness. I am working on that though. In the last couple of months I have learned not to be “obsessive” about the”what if’s” and the “how about’s”. I’ve learned to let go of that which I have no control. I’m not totally there, but many things that used to upset me and bring me to a screeching halt now have little effect on me. I think that is growth. Anyway, I think I am more comfortable in my own skin and don’t need someone else to make me feel that way.
Now back to why I chose to dig up this relic writing. I once again began pondering all these things. I don’t know that I have any more answers than I did before, but I am certainly more comfortable with not having the answers. I know life will not be complete just because I think I have attained one, several or all of these. I think there is no way to fully attain any of them. I think they come in waves throughout life. They ebb and flow like an ocean. The ocean does not cease to exist just because it is at low tide. It isn’t any more evident because it is at high tide. It just is. Much like life—it just is. Each day is another chance to master the plan. The ending is written in the stars and only God knows when that will be. So for today, I must live it with the challenges, the mundane and the excitements that flow into my life. So what is joy? What is success? What is contentment? All wrapped together the simple answer is, they are life. Life must be lived by the moment. It must be lived for the end—eternity. That is where all of these will merge together and be fulfilled. Until then, I choose to live each day with the blessings and trials that come with it. I will keep pondering them all, because that is what keeps me striving to be better. The difference now than in the past? Now I can accept the uncertainty and anticipate the results as they come, instead of worry about if they will come.
Peace to each of you. I hope you will find time to ponder too.
When everything is coming your way,
You just might be in the wrong lane.....
What is joy? Is it a hearty belly laugh? Is it jumping up and down as the saying goes, jumping for joy? It is walking around with a smile on your face? How long will it last and what will prompt it? How tight do you have to hold on to it to make sure it never leaves? Is it a state of mind or a feeling within? Is it an outward appearance or an inner sense?
What is happiness? The saying is you have to find happiness within yourself and not with outside things. How do you find happiness when you don't know what it is or what it looks like? Will you recognize it when it slaps you in the face? Will it drift in the window like a spring breeze? Or will it flash like a 4th of July spectacular? Will it creep in like a thief in the night; not knowing it was there until it is gone?
How do you measure success? Is it by the dollar amount in your bank account? Is it a level on the ladder? Is it a job you enjoy immensely? Is it a large house, cars of your dreams, 3.2 children, a spouse you want to spend the rest of your life with or maybe the respect you garner from those around you?
What is contentment? Is it a calm feeling within your soul? Is it a serene sense around you? Is it laying back and relaxing without a worry? Is it doing what you want to do? Is it a fulfillment that is impossible to define? Is it a peace that descends on you when you least expect it? Is it something you can work for, but fail to fully grasp? Is it "walking on cloud nine" and just where is that located? Is it linked to happiness and can only be obtained when you obtain happiness and joy?
Are all of them linked together? Do you have to have all of them to know one of them? Does one lead to the other? Do they lend themselves to each other?
So many questions with very few answers.
Life! Now that is the ultimate question. Is it more than a breath? Is it activity? Energy? Growth? Being? A career ? "Just the way it is"? Participation? Or a period of existence?
I guess all of the above are a facet of each other. Maybe to access each to build on the other is the routine of daily living. If we are able to attain one, each or all of them, will life be complete?
I am going to cheat and post something I wrote 3 years ago. I think, without meaning to be egotistical, that it is timeless. I think regardless of the time of history it applies to life. Regardless of the century, personal age or current events, it is something every person thinks about. At this time in my life I am in the best spot I have been in for a LONG time. I have always been an extremist. I am either extremely happy or pathetically down. I have always had a hard time with the middle ground or the even keel. I even have a hard time with idleness. I am working on that though. In the last couple of months I have learned not to be “obsessive” about the”what if’s” and the “how about’s”. I’ve learned to let go of that which I have no control. I’m not totally there, but many things that used to upset me and bring me to a screeching halt now have little effect on me. I think that is growth. Anyway, I think I am more comfortable in my own skin and don’t need someone else to make me feel that way.
Now back to why I chose to dig up this relic writing. I once again began pondering all these things. I don’t know that I have any more answers than I did before, but I am certainly more comfortable with not having the answers. I know life will not be complete just because I think I have attained one, several or all of these. I think there is no way to fully attain any of them. I think they come in waves throughout life. They ebb and flow like an ocean. The ocean does not cease to exist just because it is at low tide. It isn’t any more evident because it is at high tide. It just is. Much like life—it just is. Each day is another chance to master the plan. The ending is written in the stars and only God knows when that will be. So for today, I must live it with the challenges, the mundane and the excitements that flow into my life. So what is joy? What is success? What is contentment? All wrapped together the simple answer is, they are life. Life must be lived by the moment. It must be lived for the end—eternity. That is where all of these will merge together and be fulfilled. Until then, I choose to live each day with the blessings and trials that come with it. I will keep pondering them all, because that is what keeps me striving to be better. The difference now than in the past? Now I can accept the uncertainty and anticipate the results as they come, instead of worry about if they will come.
Peace to each of you. I hope you will find time to ponder too.
When everything is coming your way,
You just might be in the wrong lane.....
Monday, September 27, 2010
Shaking My Bootie
The words of the day are: Aqua Zumba! I love it!!!!! As much as I enjoy my water aerobics class, I would give it up for another 2 classes of Aqua Zumba. Aqua Zumba is only offered Monday night (I can attend it!) and Tuesday & Thursday morning (I am working). It isn’t as cardio as my gym side activities, but it provides a different “high”. The adrenalin rush is awesome! Both gym side and water side get me pumped. Who would have thought physical activity (AKA exercise) would be such an important part of my life. Without my surgery none of it would have been possible and without the exercise my surgery wouldn’t be such a success! Today between my gym time, my water aerobics class and aqua Zumba I burnt 1,207 Calories. I know this because for my birthday I got a heart rate monitor (HRM). I have been wearing it during my workouts and I am amazed at how many calories I actually burn during my workouts. It is encouraging and spurs me on to work harder. I look down at the HRM and see where my heart rate is and sometimes it causes me to push myself a little more. Here is an excerpt from something I wrote this week. It will give you a glimpse into what exercise does for me.
Push it, harder, keep going, push a little more. 62, 78, 93, 112, 143, 156, 175. Easy, slow down, ease up. 160, 152, 136, 122, 118. Steady, easy, level out. Now the sweat is pouring out. It feels great to push it to the limit; to do the bike and work the cardio. The drenched shirt, the soaked hair; the droplets off the nose. The trickle rolls past the forehead onto the glasses lens, over the cheeks and down the chin. Wetness in all the cracks and crevices. The signs of a great workout.
I hope this will get some of you moving. I know there are some of you that wish to feel better and moving will provide that. I know you may not do 2 hours and 15 minutes of workout like I did today or my usual one hour and 30 minutes to one hour and 45 minutes a day. I know when you start, 5 minutes may be all you can do, but keep at it! When I started 5 minutes on the bike and 5 minutes on the ARC trainer was exhausting. Then I began adding the weight training/strength training and 15 minutes was my max. It was a slow process and each week I went longer and harder. Progress is all you need to focus on. Do what you can and increase with time! As I get bored or sluggish I add something else. I have added the row machine, the treadmill, a different floor circuit and different weight machines. I have added aqua Zumba and Pilates sometimes. Just make it fun. Explore until you find things you enjoy. It doesn’t hurt to try something at least twice and then decide. This last week I tried a “BURN” class. It is a cardio circuit class. I found I enjoyed it but didn’t get as great of a benefit from it as I do when I do the same thing on my own. On my own I work it harder and consistently. In the class you have to stop and slow down for things to be explained, so I will go it on my own and feel like I get a better workout. Last week I also tried YOGA 3 times. I decided it is not for me. It irritates me more than relaxes me. I think I can better serve myself and be more relaxed by doing my workout with the cardio machines and strength training plans. Just give something a try!
Hey, thanks for listening and sharing my enthusiasm of moving and aqua Zumba! It really is a blast! Moving more and exercising harder really does feel awesome! Besides, I take my exercise time and turn it into God & me time. We have great conversations. Well, at least I talk and He listens. I do hear Him talk to me in the songs I listen to while we are spending time together. You ought to give it a try!
"If you want to look smaller, just carry a larger purse.
Where's the luggage Department?"
Push it, harder, keep going, push a little more. 62, 78, 93, 112, 143, 156, 175. Easy, slow down, ease up. 160, 152, 136, 122, 118. Steady, easy, level out. Now the sweat is pouring out. It feels great to push it to the limit; to do the bike and work the cardio. The drenched shirt, the soaked hair; the droplets off the nose. The trickle rolls past the forehead onto the glasses lens, over the cheeks and down the chin. Wetness in all the cracks and crevices. The signs of a great workout.
I hope this will get some of you moving. I know there are some of you that wish to feel better and moving will provide that. I know you may not do 2 hours and 15 minutes of workout like I did today or my usual one hour and 30 minutes to one hour and 45 minutes a day. I know when you start, 5 minutes may be all you can do, but keep at it! When I started 5 minutes on the bike and 5 minutes on the ARC trainer was exhausting. Then I began adding the weight training/strength training and 15 minutes was my max. It was a slow process and each week I went longer and harder. Progress is all you need to focus on. Do what you can and increase with time! As I get bored or sluggish I add something else. I have added the row machine, the treadmill, a different floor circuit and different weight machines. I have added aqua Zumba and Pilates sometimes. Just make it fun. Explore until you find things you enjoy. It doesn’t hurt to try something at least twice and then decide. This last week I tried a “BURN” class. It is a cardio circuit class. I found I enjoyed it but didn’t get as great of a benefit from it as I do when I do the same thing on my own. On my own I work it harder and consistently. In the class you have to stop and slow down for things to be explained, so I will go it on my own and feel like I get a better workout. Last week I also tried YOGA 3 times. I decided it is not for me. It irritates me more than relaxes me. I think I can better serve myself and be more relaxed by doing my workout with the cardio machines and strength training plans. Just give something a try!
Hey, thanks for listening and sharing my enthusiasm of moving and aqua Zumba! It really is a blast! Moving more and exercising harder really does feel awesome! Besides, I take my exercise time and turn it into God & me time. We have great conversations. Well, at least I talk and He listens. I do hear Him talk to me in the songs I listen to while we are spending time together. You ought to give it a try!
"If you want to look smaller, just carry a larger purse.
Where's the luggage Department?"
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
New Beginnings
As of Sunday (12th) I am 48 years old. A new year beginning. A few years ago I felt 84 years old. Today I feel 48 thanks to gastric bypass surgery, eating healthier, although at times slipping into the old eating habits. I am exercising like I have never exercised before and loving it. I actually love to sweat! Talk about new beginnings. I can remember when exercise was a dirty 4 letter word not to be muttered on my lips or a thought to dance through my head. I couldn't do it, didn’t want to do it and refused to do it! Now I crave it! It refreshes my outlook mentally and emotionally and strengthens me physically. It gives me time with God--just Him and I. That refreshes my spirit. Talk about new beginnings and new outlooks/perspectives.
This week I started Aqua Zumba!!! Now that is for me! I loved it! It is a good cardio. No I still can’t do the arm moves with the leg moves. It is impossible to move as fast as the music due to the water resistance. Everyone struggled with that, so it wasn’t just me and my “flailing” skin. At least I didn't wipe anyone out in a "tidal wave". I sucked at hoopla hoop as a kid and my hips do NOT move independently from my knees. So the “salsa” moves with the hips are a no go for me, but I make up for it in the leg movements. No one can see you not moving the hips anyway! I am just interested in the cardio aspect and it is certainly that! I did really love it. I wish it were taught 3-4 times a week, but it isn’t unless you can make the morning class (10:45). So Monday nights are the only time I can go. There was a gal there I know and she and I laughed the whole class. If you can't laugh at yourself then life is too tough.
I also started a new floor routine I learned at the support meeting at IWLS last week. Oh my goodness, talk about a workout. It was time for me to change to a new routine. I think my body had gotten used to the weight/strength training machines routine I was doing. I had upped the weight and reps, but just didn't feel like it was working. I was getting a little sore/stretched, but just was bored with it most of the time. Anyway, I started this routine that focuses on abs, glutes, arms and legs. You do a set of exercises (Abs-7 different ones; Glutes 13; Legs 13; and Arms 7) for 45 seconds each. I made it to at least 30 seconds on most, some 45 seconds; so I will have to work up to the 45 seconds on all of them. I don't have the clock to look at so I have to remember to count to keep track of my time. Actually I have a clock, but my eye sight isn't good enough to see the second hand and exercise at the same time. A year older….. Who knows, maybe I went longer than I thought. It took me an hour to do the entire routine. Sure felt good at the end. I was tired, sweaty and felt strong. Now I am feeling the complaints from the thigh. I know tomorrow will be a screamer day for all those muscles and I will love it! I will do cardio and water aerobics to give them a rest.
Tonight I tried for the 1st time--Yoga. I had no idea what I was getting into. I was apprehensive, but excited for a new adventure. As I said, if you can't laugh at yourself! I figured if I couldn't do it, then I didn't have to return, but I just might find another outlet I enjoy. Like Aqua Zumba. I've learned through coaching with Ronda at ILWS that I should be open to new things. That is a challenge for me. I don't like to go out on a limb and face new situations and I did that tonight not knowing anyone in the class. I've done a lot of that in the last few months. I have a hard time being idle. I feel like I have to be busy all the time or I am wasting time and that drives me nuts. So Yoga being a quiet, breathing, introspective time was going to be an added challenge. I found I enjoyed the time with myself. I focused on my breathing, relaxing and communicating with God on a quiet level. I really think I will enjoy it. I will give it another try Thursday evening. I may have to by knee pads though because my knees don’t get along real well with the hard floor, even with the THIN mat between them. First I will try using a thicker mat under the thin mat. If that doesn’t work and I decide to stick with it I will buy knee pads and I think that will suffice.
My new beginnings have also centered on my "own-ness". This has centered for years around friendships. I have talked in the past about not being myself, but an extension of someone else. I have been discovering myself. I love the independence I have been feeling. The separation of self from someone else. It has allowed me room to allow my friends room. My expectations for them are so different. Sadly sometimes indifferent, but in a good way for me. I have certainly found a peace within myself. I have also grown a stronger peace within my relationship with God. That relationship I intend to continue to focus on and work on diligently.
This week I began a new season of Bible study at church. I am excited for the friendships within that group to bloom. To be able to grow in Christ in a safe situation and have some "girlfriends" to do it with. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" Proverbs 27:17 I also started another long distance Bible study with a dear friend from 29 years ago. She is a friend that has come back into my life in the last 3 years. We did a study over the summer via email and phone conversations. We took a month off and started another study this week. My birthday brought a lot of "presents" as Tracy put it.
I have ventured outside of my comfort zone and taken on a new challenge this week. I have started an online writing class. I don't know much about it yet, but am excited for the challenge I hope it will provide. I want to hone my skills and funnel this inspiration God has placed in me again after many years of writer stagnation. It is a 10 week class with assignments each week and I should write daily. I'm jumping into new waters and I think I am loving it.
I have a few more goals beginning. I have some plans with steps to take to make it to the next level. Daily I will work on them. For right now I am happy where I am physically, mentally and emotionally. I am not dependant on any one person and any one person's actions or lack thereof has little influence over my feelings. That is a new concept for me. I read just recently a book by Sandi Patty "The Edge of the Divine". She wrote about the edge and defined it as "the point at which something is likely to begin." Well, a lot of things are beginning for me.
Recently I wrote something: "Life gets busy and so many things get placed on the back burner or buried in the junk drawer. That doesn't mean we don't care for the things or people laid aside for a time. Each season in life brings new and different priorities. We take care of what we have to for the here and now and pray the neglected will climb to the top of the priority list and get taken care of too at some point. My only fear is that you can't put the petals back on the roses. We just have to hope a new bloom will grow and afford us the time to nurture it. God gave us 2nd chances and I pray that will apply to relationships. I have had several in the last few years that I thought were lost forever and they have resurfaced just when I needed them most. I've had some I thought would last forever and the petals have turned to wilted silk. I have had to readjust my thinking and accept that the status quo isn't so bad. Even keel is okay sometimes. There is no such thing as forever." And I am okay with all of it.
So as my 48th year begins, so does a lot of new thinking and more beginnings in life. Watch out world "I am woman, hear me roar"! Watch me grow! It is great to be on the edge.
Live for the moments that take your breath away.
This week I started Aqua Zumba!!! Now that is for me! I loved it! It is a good cardio. No I still can’t do the arm moves with the leg moves. It is impossible to move as fast as the music due to the water resistance. Everyone struggled with that, so it wasn’t just me and my “flailing” skin. At least I didn't wipe anyone out in a "tidal wave". I sucked at hoopla hoop as a kid and my hips do NOT move independently from my knees. So the “salsa” moves with the hips are a no go for me, but I make up for it in the leg movements. No one can see you not moving the hips anyway! I am just interested in the cardio aspect and it is certainly that! I did really love it. I wish it were taught 3-4 times a week, but it isn’t unless you can make the morning class (10:45). So Monday nights are the only time I can go. There was a gal there I know and she and I laughed the whole class. If you can't laugh at yourself then life is too tough.
I also started a new floor routine I learned at the support meeting at IWLS last week. Oh my goodness, talk about a workout. It was time for me to change to a new routine. I think my body had gotten used to the weight/strength training machines routine I was doing. I had upped the weight and reps, but just didn't feel like it was working. I was getting a little sore/stretched, but just was bored with it most of the time. Anyway, I started this routine that focuses on abs, glutes, arms and legs. You do a set of exercises (Abs-7 different ones; Glutes 13; Legs 13; and Arms 7) for 45 seconds each. I made it to at least 30 seconds on most, some 45 seconds; so I will have to work up to the 45 seconds on all of them. I don't have the clock to look at so I have to remember to count to keep track of my time. Actually I have a clock, but my eye sight isn't good enough to see the second hand and exercise at the same time. A year older….. Who knows, maybe I went longer than I thought. It took me an hour to do the entire routine. Sure felt good at the end. I was tired, sweaty and felt strong. Now I am feeling the complaints from the thigh. I know tomorrow will be a screamer day for all those muscles and I will love it! I will do cardio and water aerobics to give them a rest.
Tonight I tried for the 1st time--Yoga. I had no idea what I was getting into. I was apprehensive, but excited for a new adventure. As I said, if you can't laugh at yourself! I figured if I couldn't do it, then I didn't have to return, but I just might find another outlet I enjoy. Like Aqua Zumba. I've learned through coaching with Ronda at ILWS that I should be open to new things. That is a challenge for me. I don't like to go out on a limb and face new situations and I did that tonight not knowing anyone in the class. I've done a lot of that in the last few months. I have a hard time being idle. I feel like I have to be busy all the time or I am wasting time and that drives me nuts. So Yoga being a quiet, breathing, introspective time was going to be an added challenge. I found I enjoyed the time with myself. I focused on my breathing, relaxing and communicating with God on a quiet level. I really think I will enjoy it. I will give it another try Thursday evening. I may have to by knee pads though because my knees don’t get along real well with the hard floor, even with the THIN mat between them. First I will try using a thicker mat under the thin mat. If that doesn’t work and I decide to stick with it I will buy knee pads and I think that will suffice.
My new beginnings have also centered on my "own-ness". This has centered for years around friendships. I have talked in the past about not being myself, but an extension of someone else. I have been discovering myself. I love the independence I have been feeling. The separation of self from someone else. It has allowed me room to allow my friends room. My expectations for them are so different. Sadly sometimes indifferent, but in a good way for me. I have certainly found a peace within myself. I have also grown a stronger peace within my relationship with God. That relationship I intend to continue to focus on and work on diligently.
This week I began a new season of Bible study at church. I am excited for the friendships within that group to bloom. To be able to grow in Christ in a safe situation and have some "girlfriends" to do it with. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" Proverbs 27:17 I also started another long distance Bible study with a dear friend from 29 years ago. She is a friend that has come back into my life in the last 3 years. We did a study over the summer via email and phone conversations. We took a month off and started another study this week. My birthday brought a lot of "presents" as Tracy put it.
I have ventured outside of my comfort zone and taken on a new challenge this week. I have started an online writing class. I don't know much about it yet, but am excited for the challenge I hope it will provide. I want to hone my skills and funnel this inspiration God has placed in me again after many years of writer stagnation. It is a 10 week class with assignments each week and I should write daily. I'm jumping into new waters and I think I am loving it.
I have a few more goals beginning. I have some plans with steps to take to make it to the next level. Daily I will work on them. For right now I am happy where I am physically, mentally and emotionally. I am not dependant on any one person and any one person's actions or lack thereof has little influence over my feelings. That is a new concept for me. I read just recently a book by Sandi Patty "The Edge of the Divine". She wrote about the edge and defined it as "the point at which something is likely to begin." Well, a lot of things are beginning for me.
Recently I wrote something: "Life gets busy and so many things get placed on the back burner or buried in the junk drawer. That doesn't mean we don't care for the things or people laid aside for a time. Each season in life brings new and different priorities. We take care of what we have to for the here and now and pray the neglected will climb to the top of the priority list and get taken care of too at some point. My only fear is that you can't put the petals back on the roses. We just have to hope a new bloom will grow and afford us the time to nurture it. God gave us 2nd chances and I pray that will apply to relationships. I have had several in the last few years that I thought were lost forever and they have resurfaced just when I needed them most. I've had some I thought would last forever and the petals have turned to wilted silk. I have had to readjust my thinking and accept that the status quo isn't so bad. Even keel is okay sometimes. There is no such thing as forever." And I am okay with all of it.
So as my 48th year begins, so does a lot of new thinking and more beginnings in life. Watch out world "I am woman, hear me roar"! Watch me grow! It is great to be on the edge.
Live for the moments that take your breath away.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Contrasts & Perspectives
The Greatest sung by Kenny Rogers
Little boy in a baseball hat stands in the field with his ball and bat
Says, "I am the greatest player of them all"
Puts his bat on his shoulder and he tosses up his ball.
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down,
Swings his bat all the way around
The world so still you can hear the sound, the baseball falls to the ground.
Now the little boy doesn't say a word, picks up his ball he is undeterred.
Says, "I am the greatest that there has ever been"
And he grits his teeth and he tries again.
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down,
Swings his bat all the way around
The world so still you can hear the sound, the baseball falls to the ground.
He makes no excuses he shows no fear
He just closes his eyes and listens to the cheers.
Little boy he adjusts his hat, picks up his ball, stares at his bat
Says "I am the greatest when the game is on the line"
And he gives his all one last time.
And the ball goes up and the moon so bright
Swings his bat with all his might
The world's as still as still can be, the baseball falls
And that's strike three.
Now it's suppertime and his momma calls,
little boy starts home with his bat and ball.
Says, "I am the greatest, that is a fact,
But even I didn't know I could pitch like that!"
Says, "I am the greatest, that is understood,
But even I didn't know I could pitch that good!"
It is all in the perspective. With the right perspective we can continue on when it looks to the world that we have lost or failed. We are the greatest if that is how we see ourselves.
I am smaller in size and less in weight, but larger in confidence and stronger in physical strength. I can do things I haven’t been able to do in years.
I feel I am younger, yet today I am older in years.
I feel stronger, surer and larger somehow; more capable than ever before!!
Two years of “down-sizing” has left me bigger in so many ways.
Live for the moments that take your breath away.
Little boy in a baseball hat stands in the field with his ball and bat
Says, "I am the greatest player of them all"
Puts his bat on his shoulder and he tosses up his ball.
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down,
Swings his bat all the way around
The world so still you can hear the sound, the baseball falls to the ground.
Now the little boy doesn't say a word, picks up his ball he is undeterred.
Says, "I am the greatest that there has ever been"
And he grits his teeth and he tries again.
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down,
Swings his bat all the way around
The world so still you can hear the sound, the baseball falls to the ground.
He makes no excuses he shows no fear
He just closes his eyes and listens to the cheers.
Little boy he adjusts his hat, picks up his ball, stares at his bat
Says "I am the greatest when the game is on the line"
And he gives his all one last time.
And the ball goes up and the moon so bright
Swings his bat with all his might
The world's as still as still can be, the baseball falls
And that's strike three.
Now it's suppertime and his momma calls,
little boy starts home with his bat and ball.
Says, "I am the greatest, that is a fact,
But even I didn't know I could pitch like that!"
Says, "I am the greatest, that is understood,
But even I didn't know I could pitch that good!"
It is all in the perspective. With the right perspective we can continue on when it looks to the world that we have lost or failed. We are the greatest if that is how we see ourselves.
I am smaller in size and less in weight, but larger in confidence and stronger in physical strength. I can do things I haven’t been able to do in years.
I feel I am younger, yet today I am older in years.
I feel stronger, surer and larger somehow; more capable than ever before!!
Two years of “down-sizing” has left me bigger in so many ways.
Live for the moments that take your breath away.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
BS/PS Hoopla
BS = Before Surgery
PS = Post Surgery
BS one lap around the edge of the lawn mowing = dying for air and extreme pain in the back. Solution = sit down and breathe!!!
PS mow the entire lawn with no pain in back and not out of breath at all. It felt so GOOD!!!!
Another blessing to add to the list of successes of surgery!
PS = Post Surgery
BS one lap around the edge of the lawn mowing = dying for air and extreme pain in the back. Solution = sit down and breathe!!!
PS mow the entire lawn with no pain in back and not out of breath at all. It felt so GOOD!!!!
Another blessing to add to the list of successes of surgery!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Recovering Slowly
I did something not knowing I wasn’t supposed to do it. I guess you would call it a lesson learned. Wednesday the 25th I gave blood at the Red Cross Battle of the Badges blood drive. It is a yearly contest between the policemen and firemen of Salina. Each department attempts to get the most blood donations (votes are cast after blood is given). The one with the most votes is the yearly champion. It is a fun friendly competition between professions here in Salina and a way to give to the community through Red Cross blood donations. On Thursday after donating I left for a weekend in Tulsa. By Friday evening I was dragging. I walked 2-3 times more than usual and enjoyed the exercise it provided. By Saturday I was struggling. I got home Sunday dead tired. I have skid marks on my butt to prove it was dragging. Okay, maybe not that obvious. I got up on Monday at my usual 5:30am time to be at the YMCA to workout. I had missed it all weekend because our motel did not have a fitness center. I made it 15 minutes out of a 90 minute workout time. I came home and went to bed. I got up Tuesday and went to the “Y” and made it through 15 minutes again. I didn’t even attempt to work out the rest of the week. I took the time to sleep 2 extra hours each day and I went to bed an hour earlier than normal. The lesson I learned is a gastric bypass person is not supposed to give blood. Guess we don’t generate iron as efficiently as a non-gastric person. Hadn’t really thought about it before! I have since read some things by other gastrics and they were fine. All I know is I was not fine and my doctor does NOT recommend it. I’ve also read others that say not to donate. So to be safe I guess I won’t do that again. A week and a half later I am still dragging some. I have more energy than I had a week ago, but it is a slow recovery at this point. I will start back at the “Y” on Tuesday. Guess I will go slowly and build back up to speed. I just wanted to inform those who are fellow gastric to be careful. My doctor increased my iron supplement to try to build the iron back up. I hope to be back to “normal” soon—whatever normal is! As I look back at my progress in the last 2 years I realize the normal of a few years ago was to feel like 85-90 years old most days. Even with no energy I feel so much younger and healthier. Soon I will be back to feeling like the young 47.999+ I actually am.
I am feeling a little frustrated overall. I had to back off of the “Y” workouts for a little while. As you might recall I injured myself doing Zumba. My ligament seems to be healed and so I am ready to get back to it. The week before blood donation I was starting to get back to par and increasing my weights, reps and intensity. Now this setback. It isn’t the end of the world. I will just get back on the ball and balance it all again. God is good and God will be my support through it all. On Monday September 13th I plan to take Aqua Zumba class. I hope the water will allow me to take the pressure off the ligament and enjoy the fun activity I found in Zumba. I also plan to beef up my workout time and take a few other classes as well. Variety is the spice of life so they say. I am ready for some different spices in my life!! September 12th starts 2 new Bible studies and I am excited about both of them. Life needs to be more challenging and fulfilling. God will provide my needs! I just have to look to him!
"Forever is composed of nows ."
~Emily Dickinson~
I am feeling a little frustrated overall. I had to back off of the “Y” workouts for a little while. As you might recall I injured myself doing Zumba. My ligament seems to be healed and so I am ready to get back to it. The week before blood donation I was starting to get back to par and increasing my weights, reps and intensity. Now this setback. It isn’t the end of the world. I will just get back on the ball and balance it all again. God is good and God will be my support through it all. On Monday September 13th I plan to take Aqua Zumba class. I hope the water will allow me to take the pressure off the ligament and enjoy the fun activity I found in Zumba. I also plan to beef up my workout time and take a few other classes as well. Variety is the spice of life so they say. I am ready for some different spices in my life!! September 12th starts 2 new Bible studies and I am excited about both of them. Life needs to be more challenging and fulfilling. God will provide my needs! I just have to look to him!
"Forever is composed of nows ."
~Emily Dickinson~
Monday, August 9, 2010
New Adventure In Zumba
Oh WOW!!! Where do I start. First be prepared to LYBO (laugh your butt off)
I have several deficients going for me:
When I thought I would be shaking some things that hadn’t been shaken in a long time if ever, I never dreamed it would be the sagging skin around my stomach. OMG!!!!! As I leaped to the right it was only swinging to the right by the time I needed to leap to the left! Talk about a disaster in the making. The collusion course was not a pretty picture.
My balance is certainly a problem, but I think I can overcome that by over compensating in other ways.
I have always known in church I can’t sing and clap at the same time. Well, I am just as uncoordinated with Zumba. If the bottom half (legs) is activated I cannot participate with the hands. I am the WORST white woman alive—absolutely no rhythm. Talk about a comedy!!!
Zumba has a basis of swiveling the hips (at the hips). My knees are heavily involved in this action.
I think I spent as much energy laughing at myself as I did attempting to do the moves. The lady next to me asked me if this was my first time. I said, “Yea, I’ve never seen this done and I have no idea what I am doing.” She said, “Well, I suggest you do the leg work and don’t worry about the arms.” I think she was a quick study on a full fledge train wreck about to happen. I thanked her! Several minutes later she said, “Just step to the side then to the other side, then double step. You will get the hang of it. It will be easier on Wednesday.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her I couldn’t attend but on Mondays and I doubted it would be any easier means I am not coordinated. I smiled and keep sweating and stepping. I did start to get the hang of some moves.
Then the true hindrance sat in. My Neuropathy. I made it 45 minutes of the hour class and knew I had to quit. My left foot was throbbing. My left toe was screaming. Tonight I have a limp. I have weak knees so some things were very difficult, but I can compensate for that relatively easily. Of course the fat (sagging skin) is a problem. Actually it is swinging skin. I’m sure it is more bothersome to me than it is notable to anyone else. I’m just afraid if I leap to high I will give myself 2 black eyes! :0)
I was very proud of myself though. 2 years ago I could not have moved at all, let alone actually enjoyed the movement and the sweat. I’ve found I LOVE TO SWEAT! Last year that was not the case! I hated to sweat and tended to avoid anything that made me sweat. It felt so good, until my foot threw it’s fit. I plan to try it again next week!! I think! We’ll see what my foot has to say tomorrow. I think it has the bigger vote.
Okay you can pick yourself up off the floor. Mom and dad were about to fall out of their chairs when I told them about it all. I am certainly a mess when it comes to rhythm and coordination involving 2 opposite directions, involving 2 different limbs, etc. I know it will improve with time, just like the lady next to me said. As for the hip action instead of the knee action---well, I’ve never been good at shaking my booty. Belly dancing is definitely out of the question!! I was probably even a disaster with a hula hoop!!
Until the next adventure…..!!!
Always a valley before a hill.
~American Proverb~
I have several deficients going for me:
When I thought I would be shaking some things that hadn’t been shaken in a long time if ever, I never dreamed it would be the sagging skin around my stomach. OMG!!!!! As I leaped to the right it was only swinging to the right by the time I needed to leap to the left! Talk about a disaster in the making. The collusion course was not a pretty picture.
My balance is certainly a problem, but I think I can overcome that by over compensating in other ways.
I have always known in church I can’t sing and clap at the same time. Well, I am just as uncoordinated with Zumba. If the bottom half (legs) is activated I cannot participate with the hands. I am the WORST white woman alive—absolutely no rhythm. Talk about a comedy!!!
Zumba has a basis of swiveling the hips (at the hips). My knees are heavily involved in this action.
I think I spent as much energy laughing at myself as I did attempting to do the moves. The lady next to me asked me if this was my first time. I said, “Yea, I’ve never seen this done and I have no idea what I am doing.” She said, “Well, I suggest you do the leg work and don’t worry about the arms.” I think she was a quick study on a full fledge train wreck about to happen. I thanked her! Several minutes later she said, “Just step to the side then to the other side, then double step. You will get the hang of it. It will be easier on Wednesday.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her I couldn’t attend but on Mondays and I doubted it would be any easier means I am not coordinated. I smiled and keep sweating and stepping. I did start to get the hang of some moves.
Then the true hindrance sat in. My Neuropathy. I made it 45 minutes of the hour class and knew I had to quit. My left foot was throbbing. My left toe was screaming. Tonight I have a limp. I have weak knees so some things were very difficult, but I can compensate for that relatively easily. Of course the fat (sagging skin) is a problem. Actually it is swinging skin. I’m sure it is more bothersome to me than it is notable to anyone else. I’m just afraid if I leap to high I will give myself 2 black eyes! :0)
I was very proud of myself though. 2 years ago I could not have moved at all, let alone actually enjoyed the movement and the sweat. I’ve found I LOVE TO SWEAT! Last year that was not the case! I hated to sweat and tended to avoid anything that made me sweat. It felt so good, until my foot threw it’s fit. I plan to try it again next week!! I think! We’ll see what my foot has to say tomorrow. I think it has the bigger vote.
Okay you can pick yourself up off the floor. Mom and dad were about to fall out of their chairs when I told them about it all. I am certainly a mess when it comes to rhythm and coordination involving 2 opposite directions, involving 2 different limbs, etc. I know it will improve with time, just like the lady next to me said. As for the hip action instead of the knee action---well, I’ve never been good at shaking my booty. Belly dancing is definitely out of the question!! I was probably even a disaster with a hula hoop!!
Until the next adventure…..!!!
Always a valley before a hill.
~American Proverb~
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Think Before You Eat
Think before you eat 8/1/10
Today I got up and dad fried some bacon for breakfast. I don’t often eat breakfast, but bacon sounded good. I have eaten bacon in the past and no problems. Well, I went to church about an hour after eating. As I was driving to church I suddenly started to get cramping under my right breast. I told my friend Mellonie I was having cramps. I made it through the 1st song and had to sit down. I sat through the next 2 songs and decided to get up and walk. So I told Mellonie I was going for a walk. We had joked about gas earlier. I had a tough time walking upright. I made it to the teen’s room and laid down on the couch. The pain radiated to my right shoulder and collarbone. After 15 minutes I was feeling better and thought I would get up and go back to the service. I made it 3 steps and knew I was in trouble. Mellonie was searching the hallway for me and ran into me. She said, “Are you okay?!” I said, “Yea, I think I am in the middle of a dumping episode and I am going home to lie down. I will see you at the picnic.” She asked if I could drive or she could take me home. I said I could drive. I went into the auditorium and got my keys and water bottle (thank goodness I sat on the back row). I went home and laid down for an hour and got up feeling fine. At the picnic Mellonie said an older lady sitting on our row asked if I was okay because I looked horrid. Mellonie told her she thought it was just gas. Anyway, on the way home I got to thinking the bacon was cured in maple syrup. We hadn’t even thought about how that might affect me. Won’t be doing that again!!!! At one point I thought I was having a heart attack or appendicitis. I soon realized when I got up from the teen’s room and was headed back to the service that it was a dumping episode and I needed to go lie down for awhile. I just hope I never have another one of those episodes. Now to remember to think about what I am eating, even if I think I’m eating okay. Who would have thought “cured in maple syrup” would affect one so.
Give me a challenger that just might have the strength to take me down,
But give me the confidence to believe I will remain the champion.
~DeAnn M Cornwell~
Today I got up and dad fried some bacon for breakfast. I don’t often eat breakfast, but bacon sounded good. I have eaten bacon in the past and no problems. Well, I went to church about an hour after eating. As I was driving to church I suddenly started to get cramping under my right breast. I told my friend Mellonie I was having cramps. I made it through the 1st song and had to sit down. I sat through the next 2 songs and decided to get up and walk. So I told Mellonie I was going for a walk. We had joked about gas earlier. I had a tough time walking upright. I made it to the teen’s room and laid down on the couch. The pain radiated to my right shoulder and collarbone. After 15 minutes I was feeling better and thought I would get up and go back to the service. I made it 3 steps and knew I was in trouble. Mellonie was searching the hallway for me and ran into me. She said, “Are you okay?!” I said, “Yea, I think I am in the middle of a dumping episode and I am going home to lie down. I will see you at the picnic.” She asked if I could drive or she could take me home. I said I could drive. I went into the auditorium and got my keys and water bottle (thank goodness I sat on the back row). I went home and laid down for an hour and got up feeling fine. At the picnic Mellonie said an older lady sitting on our row asked if I was okay because I looked horrid. Mellonie told her she thought it was just gas. Anyway, on the way home I got to thinking the bacon was cured in maple syrup. We hadn’t even thought about how that might affect me. Won’t be doing that again!!!! At one point I thought I was having a heart attack or appendicitis. I soon realized when I got up from the teen’s room and was headed back to the service that it was a dumping episode and I needed to go lie down for awhile. I just hope I never have another one of those episodes. Now to remember to think about what I am eating, even if I think I’m eating okay. Who would have thought “cured in maple syrup” would affect one so.
Give me a challenger that just might have the strength to take me down,
But give me the confidence to believe I will remain the champion.
~DeAnn M Cornwell~
Saturday, July 24, 2010
2 Years & look at me now!
This just shows the physical aspects of my last 2 years. I can’t begin to measure the health benefits. The way I feel can’t be verbalized. My emotional, mental and spiritual being can’t be written on paper. Thank you God for the means to have surgery 2 years ago. Thank you for the blessings since. Would I do it again if I had to---YES!
6/30/08-------------7/15/10
Weight 292----------- 169
BMI 52.8--------------31
Upper Arm 19 ¾---------15
Chest 59--------------40.5
Waist 58--------------39
Hips 61---------------43
Thigh 27 ¾------------21
2 YEAR STATS Reduction
Weight 123 lbs
BMI 21.8
Upper Arm 4.75”
Chest 18.5”
Waist 19”
Hips 18”
Thigh 6.75”
Sizes
6/30/08----------------------7/15/10
Shirts 4x-5x(30-32W)-----------Xl-1x
Shorts 3x----------------------1x (16) (too big)
Pants 26-28P-------------------16P
Pants 50”----------------------40”
Sweats 3X (44-46)--------------M/L
Underwear----------------------down 5 sizes
Bra----------------------------down 5 sizes
Shoes 8.5---------------------7.5
May your character not be a writing upon the sand, but an inscription upon the rock!
~ Charles Spurgeon~
6/30/08-------------7/15/10
Weight 292----------- 169
BMI 52.8--------------31
Upper Arm 19 ¾---------15
Chest 59--------------40.5
Waist 58--------------39
Hips 61---------------43
Thigh 27 ¾------------21
2 YEAR STATS Reduction
Weight 123 lbs
BMI 21.8
Upper Arm 4.75”
Chest 18.5”
Waist 19”
Hips 18”
Thigh 6.75”
Sizes
6/30/08----------------------7/15/10
Shirts 4x-5x(30-32W)-----------Xl-1x
Shorts 3x----------------------1x (16) (too big)
Pants 26-28P-------------------16P
Pants 50”----------------------40”
Sweats 3X (44-46)--------------M/L
Underwear----------------------down 5 sizes
Bra----------------------------down 5 sizes
Shoes 8.5---------------------7.5
May your character not be a writing upon the sand, but an inscription upon the rock!
~ Charles Spurgeon~
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Celebration
My youngest great nephew, Talon (BKA – Better Known As – Bubby) and I share something. We are the same age. He turned 2 the 15th. I will turn 2 the 21st. Yes it will be 2 years since my surgery and new life. I am the healthiest I have been in far too many years. I am the lightest weight I have been in over 20 years.
Saturday we had a 2nd birthday party for my sweet great nephew. He opened his gifts and giggled and played and enjoyed the day as only a 2 year old can. Life is full of such wonderment to him and few worries. As he gets older he will take on more responsibilities. Some by his own choosing (tie my shoes, pick out my clothes, “I do it!”) Some by default. As you get older more is expected of you in order to survive in this world.
Well, I face many of the same feelings, emotions and expectations as Talon does. I am scared at times I am not eating right, exercising enough, living to the fullest. I feel happy for my progress. I am excited to work towards my new goals for the next 5 months. At my 2 year check up my surgeon told me many people at the 2 year mark gain weight. They begin to feel the old hunger pains. They are more relaxed in their journey. They can expand their pouch. Therefore it is even more important to keep my portion sizes to the minimum, chose the right foods and watch my calorie intake. This is true for anyone regardless of having gastric bypass surgery, but more so for me. Therefore my expectations need to be positive so I can keep myself focused on what is truly important. He was surprised I am still losing inches and decreasing in clothing sizes. I am working harder today than I was 6 months ago and it is paying off. He asked me what happened. I assumed he was referring to the fact I have lost 18.8 pounds in the last 6 months. I told him I got focused and serious. He said “Again.” It was a statement and not a question or an accusation. It felt good to know I am focused on myself and what I need and it shows. My surgeon is not easy to impress.
In the past few months I have addressed being positive, keeping focused, trusting God, grieving and growing, reflecting and many other dimensions of life. Through it all God has been the constant steady for me. The more I turn to Him the more peace I feel. Just as Talon feels at peace because of how his mom and dad, sister and grandma provide for him, I feel at peace when I acknowledge what God does for me. I turn to Him and he blesses. I can sit down and write my blessing list and it would be very lengthy. You would be listed on it. Your support through this 2 year journey has meant the world to me. Most of you are silent supporters. Some of you are very vocal and let me know I am doing good. Thank you. I still need that encouragement.
I was reminded today of some of those blessings. I was able to join in the fun of the celebration. I can remember a time and see pictures in my mind of me being present but not a part of the happenings. I was physically taking up space but wasn’t involved in the joy of the celebration. Today as I thought about what was happening and how I was relating I thanked God. For the 1st time in more years than I can remember I was able to participate. I held Talon and Makayla (my 2 ½ year old great niece) up to take a swing at a piñata. BS (before surgery) I wouldn’t have been able to do that. I was able to show my oldest great nephew how to swing a golf club more effectively. I’m no golf pro, but it sure helped him. BS I wouldn’t have even cared to be involved. As I said, I was present, but I wasn’t a participant. I have pictures that show that. I hope today’s involvement with them will be memories they will cherish. I was able to help in the kitchen. BS I would have sat and watched because I didn’t feel well enough to care. Yes, BS was a time of numbness. 2 years out and I am learning to enjoy life with childlike eyes sometimes.
I still have my days, as everyone does in their journey of life. But I adapt to those days much easier. As I progress in this new lifestyle, I pray my “brain-frame” will be set more on God. I pray I will keep remembering what it was like over 2 years ago and what it is like now. I pray I will keep track of what I used to not be able to do and what I can do now. I pray I continue to be refreshed by those accomplishments and challenged to attain new accomplishments. As Talon grows and matures and becomes more independent, I pray he keeps his childlike eyes and enjoys life and keeps himself healthy.
Happy Birthday Talon!
Happy Girthday DeAnn! (Girth = distance around something: the distance around something thick and cylindrical such as a tree trunk or somebody's waist)
May your character not be a writing upon the sand, but an inscription upon the rock!
~ Charles Spurgeon~
Saturday we had a 2nd birthday party for my sweet great nephew. He opened his gifts and giggled and played and enjoyed the day as only a 2 year old can. Life is full of such wonderment to him and few worries. As he gets older he will take on more responsibilities. Some by his own choosing (tie my shoes, pick out my clothes, “I do it!”) Some by default. As you get older more is expected of you in order to survive in this world.
Well, I face many of the same feelings, emotions and expectations as Talon does. I am scared at times I am not eating right, exercising enough, living to the fullest. I feel happy for my progress. I am excited to work towards my new goals for the next 5 months. At my 2 year check up my surgeon told me many people at the 2 year mark gain weight. They begin to feel the old hunger pains. They are more relaxed in their journey. They can expand their pouch. Therefore it is even more important to keep my portion sizes to the minimum, chose the right foods and watch my calorie intake. This is true for anyone regardless of having gastric bypass surgery, but more so for me. Therefore my expectations need to be positive so I can keep myself focused on what is truly important. He was surprised I am still losing inches and decreasing in clothing sizes. I am working harder today than I was 6 months ago and it is paying off. He asked me what happened. I assumed he was referring to the fact I have lost 18.8 pounds in the last 6 months. I told him I got focused and serious. He said “Again.” It was a statement and not a question or an accusation. It felt good to know I am focused on myself and what I need and it shows. My surgeon is not easy to impress.
In the past few months I have addressed being positive, keeping focused, trusting God, grieving and growing, reflecting and many other dimensions of life. Through it all God has been the constant steady for me. The more I turn to Him the more peace I feel. Just as Talon feels at peace because of how his mom and dad, sister and grandma provide for him, I feel at peace when I acknowledge what God does for me. I turn to Him and he blesses. I can sit down and write my blessing list and it would be very lengthy. You would be listed on it. Your support through this 2 year journey has meant the world to me. Most of you are silent supporters. Some of you are very vocal and let me know I am doing good. Thank you. I still need that encouragement.
I was reminded today of some of those blessings. I was able to join in the fun of the celebration. I can remember a time and see pictures in my mind of me being present but not a part of the happenings. I was physically taking up space but wasn’t involved in the joy of the celebration. Today as I thought about what was happening and how I was relating I thanked God. For the 1st time in more years than I can remember I was able to participate. I held Talon and Makayla (my 2 ½ year old great niece) up to take a swing at a piñata. BS (before surgery) I wouldn’t have been able to do that. I was able to show my oldest great nephew how to swing a golf club more effectively. I’m no golf pro, but it sure helped him. BS I wouldn’t have even cared to be involved. As I said, I was present, but I wasn’t a participant. I have pictures that show that. I hope today’s involvement with them will be memories they will cherish. I was able to help in the kitchen. BS I would have sat and watched because I didn’t feel well enough to care. Yes, BS was a time of numbness. 2 years out and I am learning to enjoy life with childlike eyes sometimes.
I still have my days, as everyone does in their journey of life. But I adapt to those days much easier. As I progress in this new lifestyle, I pray my “brain-frame” will be set more on God. I pray I will keep remembering what it was like over 2 years ago and what it is like now. I pray I will keep track of what I used to not be able to do and what I can do now. I pray I continue to be refreshed by those accomplishments and challenged to attain new accomplishments. As Talon grows and matures and becomes more independent, I pray he keeps his childlike eyes and enjoys life and keeps himself healthy.
Happy Birthday Talon!
Happy Girthday DeAnn! (Girth = distance around something: the distance around something thick and cylindrical such as a tree trunk or somebody's waist)
May your character not be a writing upon the sand, but an inscription upon the rock!
~ Charles Spurgeon~
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Perspectives of Life
Fulfillment of life is all in the perspective.
Depending on how you ask the question will determine the answer. It can influence the outcome. This is not an original concept from me. My pastor brought this to my attention today and caused me to think beyond the thought.
Depending on how you ask the question:
Some were asked the 1st question, some the 2nd question and some the 3rd question.
You don’t want……. do you?
You do want……. don’t you?
Would you like 1 or 2….…?
The results of this particular set of questions surrounded the serving of apricots.
The 1st question brought the response of 90% saying no they didn’t and 10% saying yes they did.
The 2nd question brought the response of 50% yes and 50% no.
The 3rd question brought the response of 50% wanting 1 bowl and 50% wanting 2 bowls.
It wasn’t a matter of if they wanted them or not. They probably didn’t feel they had an option but had to decide how many instead.
It would appear they were influenced by how the question was worded.
There lies the pondering of life. We usually get what we expect from it.
If we look at it positively we will probably find a positive outcome.
If we look at it in a negative manner we will probably find a negative outcome.
Kind of like the glass half empty half full dilemma.
You choose how life is going to be lived. Get what you expect. Expect what you want. Live with the results. Sometimes our expectations are more than what can be given, so take those lemons and make lemonade.
“Time passes. Lives change, but love lives on.”
~Barbara Leachman~
Depending on how you ask the question will determine the answer. It can influence the outcome. This is not an original concept from me. My pastor brought this to my attention today and caused me to think beyond the thought.
Depending on how you ask the question:
Some were asked the 1st question, some the 2nd question and some the 3rd question.
You don’t want……. do you?
You do want……. don’t you?
Would you like 1 or 2….…?
The results of this particular set of questions surrounded the serving of apricots.
The 1st question brought the response of 90% saying no they didn’t and 10% saying yes they did.
The 2nd question brought the response of 50% yes and 50% no.
The 3rd question brought the response of 50% wanting 1 bowl and 50% wanting 2 bowls.
It wasn’t a matter of if they wanted them or not. They probably didn’t feel they had an option but had to decide how many instead.
It would appear they were influenced by how the question was worded.
There lies the pondering of life. We usually get what we expect from it.
If we look at it positively we will probably find a positive outcome.
If we look at it in a negative manner we will probably find a negative outcome.
Kind of like the glass half empty half full dilemma.
You choose how life is going to be lived. Get what you expect. Expect what you want. Live with the results. Sometimes our expectations are more than what can be given, so take those lemons and make lemonade.
“Time passes. Lives change, but love lives on.”
~Barbara Leachman~
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Living – A Slow Process
I had a friend this week tell me sometimes she feels people have moved on without her. She also made the statement that we shouldn't hold onto the things of the past because of the need to live in the here and now. I then started to think about how we need to use the past experiences as a springboard for growth. Through memories we learn and progress. Progress through the pain and the joys of life lived daily in the present. I then began to think of those times and wrote "A Slow Process". I hope you will use the pain and joys of life to live to the fullest measure. It might be a slow process, but through that process we are able to digest the progress to a healthier life.
A Slow Process
Life won't be a string of pearls
until the oyster of living
works through the sands of each day
and forms the pearl within.
Each situation of life will take the lump of coal
and shine it into the priceless diamond.
It takes time to process—a slow process sometimes.
"The leading cause of death among fashion models
is falling through street grates."
~Dave Barry~
Monday, June 21, 2010
GPS
These days people rely heavily on the GPS in their vehicles, on their phones, and wherever else they may be able to attach them. At work I got a 911 call from someone who needed help. I asked them where they were and they said, "Let me look at my GPS." Well after a short period of time trying to decipher their location, I asked if they could see any landmarks. They said, "Hold on I'm narrowing in now." Well as it turned out, all they had to do was look up and see a HUGE sign that said "PETRO 2" They were at the I-70 intersection at Salina that was populated by huge signs you could see for a good distance advertising 2 truck stops, gas stations, motels and other businesses in the area. All they had to do was look up and see them.
Well I must admit, I rely on my GPS too. Mine isn't a system that is attached to my vehicle, my phone or wherever else one can attach a Global Positioning System. My GPS is God Positioning System. It is a system that has been in existence since the beginning of time. It has always worked. It doesn't take any special equipment or special installation. I don't even have to have money to afford it. All I have to do is accept it, place it in my heart and rely on it to direct me down the path I need to go. Sometimes it will lead where I don't want to go, but it has a built-in intelligence chip. It knows what the best route is for me. If I follow it, it will divert me around the road blocks in life. It will send me past the pot holes, construction zones and congested byways. It is always up-to-date. It talks to me just like the fancy GPS of modern day technology. It is 100 % fool-proof.
All I have to do is look up and see the HUGE sign. God makes things clear as day as long as I keep my eyes on him, keep my ears attuned to his voice and follow the path he has laid out. It is when I stop listening to the soothing voice that says "Turn left before the bump." "Keep your eye on the goal." "Take one step at a time." "Don't rush by going over the speed limit. Everything comes in its proper time."
Yes, my GPS is always reliant and is always looking out for my safety and best interest. All I have to do is look up. I am assured I will get to my destination in the right time—God's time. Best of all it doesn't have to be updated and it never gets obsolete. The passing of time just makes it better. All I have to do is "Be Still and know that he is God." My navigator is always in control, all powered up and always ready to be used.
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